The Stay
by Jocelyn Torrent
Summary: After a failed suicide attempt Bella finds herself in a psychiatric hospital. Danger, romance, etc. Alice/Bella
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

The bandages on her arms were itchy. She tried to scratch them but it hurt too badly to even go near them. She glanced down at her wrists. The bandages covered about three and a half inches of her wrists. She could see the strange, greenish color from bruising peeking out just under the gauze. It mesmerized her and she closed her eyes as her head bounced lightly to the car travelling over the loose gravel.

Westmoreland Mental Health Hospital

They couldn't have come up with a more welcoming title? Then again, this place wasn't meant to be welcoming. She sighed, opening her eyes and staring at her wrists again. The blood was seeping through the bandages. She shouldn't have scratched. But she didn't remember scratching. Oh fuck it, who cared? Her father certainly didn't. Fuck him too. When was he ever home? He wasn't; he was always out working and fishing… ignoring. And her mother… who knew where she was? She and her new fling had run off years ago. She slammed her head against the headrest of the car. The driver coughed awkwardly and looked back at her. Moron. He probably thought that she was going to try and slit her wrists here again in the cab. Like she'd give him that satisfaction. She couldn't even give herself that satisfaction.

Instead, she turned her head and glared out the window. She saw her reflection in the side mirror. Boy did she look like hell. A fitting description. She smirked at herself, watching that lone dimple that appeared to the left of her chin. Her forehead wrinkled and she looked more like she was possessed rather than smiling. Bella allowed her face to relax to its normal, melancholy expression and gently touched the rings around her eyes. They were getting blacker by the day. She needed to sleep…soon. The black contrasted terribly with her already too ashen skin and her strangely violent red lips. Even her hair, once pretty, now hung in greasy strands around her face. How long had it been since she had a shower? She couldn't remember. What was today? She didn't know. Why was everything so…off?

Her wrist started itching again. Oh yeah, that. Tears were rimming in her eyes and she quickly blinked away. She wouldn't cry. She wasn't weak. She wasn't what everyone said about her. She did have problems. She wasn't emo like the kids at school gossiped about. They didn't know about her. They didn't know about her life. They just knew Bella Swan. Beautiful, quiet, shy, smart and with a gorgeous, popular boyfriend. The tears came again and she was quick to wipe them away. She sniffed softly and noticed the driver flinch. This time, she looked directly at him. What did he want from her? Was she some peon simply because she'd attempted suicide? Bella scoffed when he didn't look at her and turned back towards the road. Maybe she was. She sure felt like one.

The car slowed and Bella looked up and noticed that they were in front of a large building. It looked happy with the red brick, white trim and extravagant garden surrounding it but Bella knew better. Who did they think they were fooling? When the car stopped, the driver exited quickly and practically ran around the car to open the door for her. What the hell was wrong with this guy? Casually, Bella sniffed under her arms. Hmm…it could have been that. When was the last time she'd showered? Oh, right, she couldn't remember. Neither could she really care. Either way, it didn't matter because she was soon to be out of the site of this strange chauffer.

As Bella exited the car, the driver went around back to get her luggage. The wind was particularly forceful and it blew Bella's hair all around her face. She groaned, knowing that it would be torture to brush and quickly shoved it behind her ears. As soon as her eyes were free from obstruction, she noticed a woman standing in front of her. She was probably in her late thirties or early forties with a heart shaped face and a kind smile. But Bella didn't fall for it. She looked too nice. She didn't need nice. She didn't know what she needed.

"Hello, Bella," the woman said, flashing that same warm smile. Had Bella not been expecting it, she probably would have returned the smile. But instead, she just shrugged and looked out towards the forest that surrounded the hospital. If she concentrated really hard, this place was beautiful. But she didn't care enough to. The woman seemed completely unfazed by Bella's rudeness and simply touched her arm as she bent down to take her suitcase. "Come with me and I'll show you to your room. I'm Esme, by the way." Bella mumbled some sort of acknowledgment but was quick to get her arm back. Again, the woman didn't appear to be hurt by her actions.

They crossed the large courtyard and entered the two large, white doors of the hospital. It looked like one of those Louisianan mansions Bella had seen in the movies, with a massive hallway that led all the way to the end of the house and gargantuan rooms on either side. Jovial noises could be heard from both sides. It sounded like games were being played. The only thing that turned her off was the smell. It smelled…too clean, to sterile. She wrinkled her nose. To her right, she thought she heard Esme giggle but when she turned to look, her expression hadn't changed. "Follow me, dear," she continued, leading Bella down the large hallway.

"This doesn't look like a hospital," Bella commented as Esme held open the back door for her.

"Well, technically it's not. That's the Recreation House. During your free time you'll be able to go there and enjoy yourself. This is really the hospital," Esme answered as she gestured toward a building that looked almost the same, only bleaker. Bella huffed as the door was held open for her and walked it. Inside looked more familiar to her. Tiled floors, hundreds of rooms and people walking around in white uniforms. Somehow, this felt more comfortable than the Recreation House. Once they were inside, Esme almost became a different person. She walked straighter and the smile no longer lingered on her lips. Even her tone sounded more professional. "Now, until you've had a meeting with Dr. Cullen, you'll be confined to the Adolescent ward."

"Adolescent?"

"Don't worry, the youngest is seventeen and the oldest is just twenty three."

"Twenty three isn't adolescent."

"True, but he acts like one so we let him stay there. It keeps him happy." Bella glanced over at Esme. There was something strange about the way she talked about the patient. Like there was a hidden meaning to her words that Bella was just supposed to grasp. Before Bella could ask, however, Esme turned a corner into a hall where there were several more people. Most of them looked to be patients. Bella frowned as she passed a few of them. She'd expected them all to be wearing hospital gowns and eating their own hair. But they were in regular clothes, walking, talking and doing generally normal things. Bella felt herself blushing at the fact that she'd been so wrong. She felt as if she'd insulted all of these people to their face. As they continued to walk, Bella noticed that the hall was becoming less crowded. In fact, by the time she noticed Esme slowing down, there wasn't a single person in the hall.

"Now, there are only six patients in this ward including you so you're in luck!" Esme chirped as she stopped at a door. Bella looked at her like she was nuts and she noticed Esme's smile growing wider. "Trust me; it's much more relaxing here with less people. Now, are you ready to meet your roommate?"

Bella blinked a few times. "R-roommate?" Esme laughed softly and knocked twice on the door before pushing it open. Bella hardly noticed. She was still trying to grasp the fact that she was going to have a roommate…an insane roommate. She'd definitely seen too many movies. Esme touched her arm again and Bella jumped.

"Well, go in, honey." Bella couldn't seem to respond so she simply followed Esme's orders and stepped inside. There were two beds on either side of the wall and two bureaus next to them. One large window overlooking the garden was between the beds and there was a small nightstand next to each one. There was also a small shelf that hung over the beds. It looked fairly decent. Bella sighed and looked over to her right, where a girl was sitting on the bed, her head buried in a sketchbook. "Alice?" Esme called, placing a hand on Bella's shoulder, "Bella's here. She's eighteen, just like you."

Instantly, Alice's head jerked upwards and she focused on Bella. Bella almost forgot how to breathe. She was so gorgeous. She was one of those people you just had to stare at and would never get used to their beauty. Her hair was short, spiked out in several directions. It looked black but as the sunset from the window gleamed upon it, Bella saw that it also had some deep red in it. Her nose was small and slightly pointed and eyes were a bright hazel like Bella had never seen. She was pale and very petit but not too much so. It seemed to fit her tiny frame. Her lips were full and enticing. Then she smiled and Bella noticed her flawless, white teeth. Oh, god, this must have been karma for calling her insane earlier. Bella continued to stare at her, watching as she practically danced off of the bed and flitted towards her, her arm outstretched.

"It's nice to meet you," she said, her voice reminding Bella of cold velvet which didn't even make sense but dammit that's what it sounded like, "I'm Mary Brandon, but please call me Alice." Bella ran a hand through her hair, noticing the greasiness and flushed, ashamed to be in this beauty's presence. Nonetheless, she held her other hand out to her and shook it, feeling her firm, warm grasp.

"I-I'm Bella," she stuttered, her voice cracking. What the hell was wrong with her? She knew what was wrong; this girl was shockingly beautiful and she was embarrassed beyond all reason. Great, her day couldn't get any better. Alice stopped shaking but kept hold of her hand, lowering her head as she seemed to ponder something.

"Bella…Bella… that means 'beautiful' in quite a few languages. It also means 'idiot' in some but I doubt that in your case." Esme laughed next to her and Alice's smile grew wider. Bella's cheeks were red again. She really wished she could stop blushing.

"No…I'm pretty well an idiot," she replied. What? What was she saying? Word vomit…inflicted from a girl? She definitely belonged in a mental hospital. "A-and you're beautiful." Bella gasped, pulling away from Alice's grasp and turning to look out the window. She'd never been so embarrassed in her life. She felt tars in her eyes and bit her lip to keep from crying. Her wrists had started itching again. Then Alice laughed. And it was so calming, so pure, that she actually started to feel better about herself.

"Thanks…that's sweet," Alice answered, scratching the back of her neck. Bella shrugged and pulled off a weak laugh as Esme just stood there with that same smile plastered on her face. Bella was quite certain she would grow to hate that smile.

"Well, I'll leave you two alone for the rest of the evening. Tomorrow, Bella, you'll meet with Dr. Cullen and the rest of the patients in the ward. Alice will help you if you need anything. Good night." She nodded at Alice, who returned it, and walked out the door. It was quiet for a few minutes before Bella sighed and sat down on her bed. Alice copied her, sitting on her own bed. Alice continued to smile at her and though Bella knew she was just being polite, she was starting to feel awkward. Alice was too pretty. That sounded like a lame excuse but Bella always felt self conscious in front of beautiful people. She never knew what to say, what to think, what they were thinking…. So, Bella turned her head, then began searching around the room.

"Hey, she kept my suitcase," Bella mentioned as she stood, still looking around.

"Oh, they have to go through it, make sure you don't have anything in there that's not allowed. You should get it back in a few minutes."

"Potentially dangerous?"

Alice smiled kindly at her before lying down on her bed and picking up her sketchbook. "You know, razors, belts, safety pins, lighters…stuff like that." Bella stared in awe at her as she listed some items. Those were potentially dangerous? Her wrists itched again and she turned red. They were dangerous. She'd never thought about it before. Alice shifted from the bed without Bella noticing. In fact, she didn't notice that Alice had moved until she felt a cool hand on her cheek. She jumped, causing the same reaction from Alice. "Sorry," Alice breathed, stepping back, "you're just…awfully red. Are you sick?" She placed a hand on Bella's forehead. Bella turned her head to the side.

"No I'm just…adjusting." That was the only word that seemed appropriate.

"Of course, I understand," Alice replied before resuming the same position on her bed. Bella ran a hand through her hair again and sat down on the corner of her own bed, playing with the comforter.

"A-Alice, can I ask how long you've been here?" Bella questioned, looking down at her hands. She didn't dare meet the girl's eyes in case she offended her. She heard Alice sigh contentedly.

"As long as I can remember."

Bella frowned at that answer but before she could delve further into it, there were two knocks on the door. Esme came in and cast a smile at Alice before heading over to Bella and setting the suitcase on her bed. "Here you go, Bella. I'm afraid we've confiscated your shaving razor and belt. You can't have those here but as soon as you check out they'll be returned to you." Bella looked up at her and tilted her head to the side.

"How am I supposed to shave without a razor?" she asked, the words coming out coldly.

"We'll discuss that in the morning," Esme answered with that same smile. "But now, it's time for bed. The lights will go off in about five minutes. You won't be able to leave during the evening but should you have to use the bathroom or if an emergency happens, just push this button." She motioned to a small black button by her bed. Looking over, she noticed that Alice had a button as well. "We'll be watching," Esme finished, pointing behind Bella. Belle followed her finger and noticed a small black disk in the corner of the ceiling. Security cameras…she wasn't all that surprised. Esme stood up and straightened her shirt. "Well, goodnight, Bella, goodnight, Alice."

"Night, Esme!" Alice called with a short wave before returning to her sketchbook. Bella merely nodded lazily in her direction. She was too tired and annoyed and confused to be nice. Especially to a woman that constantly smiled. Ugh.

"You know," Alice said, breaking Bella's thoughts as she stood up and went to her drawer to pull out some pajamas, "you should be kinder to Esme. She's a good person." There was a defensive tone in her voice that wasn't missed by Bella. And, in spite of herself, Alice's comment had hurt her. It shouldn't have, she'd endured much worse. But it did.

"I-I'm sorry," Bella mumbled after a few minutes, ashamed at herself. However, Alice didn't hear her. She was already changed and back in bed with that damn sketchbook. Bella wiped her nose and set her suitcase on the floor, sifting through it for her pajamas. She watched Alice out of the corner of her eye as she changed. The girl never looked once. She couldn't help but be a bit grateful. As she pulled her shirt over her head, the lights went off. All was black except for the soft light of the moon coming through the barricaded window. Bella sighed and climbed into bed, rolling over to face the wall.

"Night, Bella!" Alice called from her corner. Her voice was no longer condescending and held no malice. That girl certainly didn't know how to keep a grudge. But Bella couldn't help but be grateful. She didn't want Alice to be mad at her. And she didn't want to make Alice mad for any reason. So, she smiled to herself and called goodnight back to the girl. Bella couldn't remember the last time she'd had a good night's sleep. But, somehow, with Alice there, she drifted off easily.

0-0-0-0-0

There was a bloodcurdling scream. Bella bolted upright in her bed, panting with adrenaline. Alice wasn't in her bed. But the screaming was coming from inside the room. She looked around frantically. She couldn't see her. It was so dark. And the screaming had stopped. Now it was just her erratic breathing. Suddenly, there was a gasp from behind her. Bella leapt from her bed and stared in the corner of the room. She could make out the whites of Alice's eyes and her gleaming teeth in the darkness. As her eyes adjusted, she noticed that she was cradling her knees and was breathing heavily. "A-Alice?" Bella whispered taking a step towards her. The girl's breathing hitched and she straightened.

"Get away from me!" she shouted, clawing her hand at the wall. "Get away! You can't have me!"

Bella blinked a few times to make sure this was really happening. She'd never been so scared in her life. "Alice I don't-

Bella was cut off as Alice bolted to the door, slamming her fists against it violently. She'd started screaming again and Bella fell to her knees. She clamped her hands over her ears and began to cry. Suddenly, the door burst open and three people barged in. Bella looked up and recognized Esme at once. The other man looked like an orderly and the final man she had no idea. Alice fell into Esme's arms immediately, sobbing. "Oh, Esme, they were after me. They were here and they knew my name!" Alice cried, burying her head in Esme's shoulder. Esme nodded consolingly and rocked her gently back and forth. Bella felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up. The man who was not the orderly was smiling down at her.

"Are you alright? Did she hurt you?" he asked, referring to Alice as if she were a puppy. All Bella could do was shake her head. She was still too stunned. The man nodded, gently helping her to stand and sitting her on the bed. Then he went over to Alice who had calmed down significantly. In fact, it looked as if she'd never been crying. It tousled her hair and she smiled at him with a soft giggle. "Alice, do you remember what happened just now?" he asked. She thought for a moment then shrugged.

"Vaguely,"

"That's good. You're going to write it down, right?"

Alice seemed to light up at this and nodded eagerly. "Yes, Carlisle, I promise." The man now known as Carlisle chuckled and tousled her hair again. She growled, feigning anger and headed back over to her bed. Carlisle watched her go and looked over at Bella again.

"And, Alice, apologize to Bella for waking her," he added.

Alice turned instantly and the look on her face almost broke Bella's heart. She looked so guilty. "Oh, Bella, I'm sorry I woke you," she pleaded, tears forming in her eyes.

"D-don't worry, Alice, it's okay," Bella assured, wanting Alice to be okay more than anything. Alice nodded, though she still looked a little troubled, and crawled back into her bed. She pulled out a flashlight and began scribbling in her sketchbook again. Bella watched her for a moment before turning back to Carlisle. He smiled at her.

"Get some sleep, Bella, and we'll talk first thing in the morning, okay?"Bella could only nod. Carlisle returned it and shut the door behind him. She heard the click of the lock and crawled back under the covers, shaking.

Alice didn't have another episode for the rest of the night. Bella knew this because she'd stayed up all night watching her, too afraid to go back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Overview

Two knocks were heard on the outside of their door. It was Esme. Esme always knocked twice. For a moment, Bella briefly contemplated why she did this. Obsessive compulsive disorder, mental retardation or just the general urge to annoy people as much as possible? Bella didn't know the answer so she grumbled and rolled over to face Alice. She was sleeping daintily in her bed. She reminded Bella of Snow White and she couldn't help but smile. Even though she still had no idea what went on last night, there was no way that Bella could blame or judge the pixie with a face like that. By the time Bella's smile had recessed, Esme had opened the door. Bella closed her eyes and pretended to sleep. She heard the slight sound of fabrics moving, followed by hearing the door close. Bella peeked one eye open, only to groan and cover her head with the pillow as she focused on Esme's bright face.

"Come on, Bella, I know you're awake. You need to take a shower, eat and then see Dr. Cullen all before group today so up and at 'em!" she chirped as she wrenched the covers away. Bella shivered as her pale legs were exposed to the cold and she instinctively grasped them with her hands. She felt goosebumps rise under her palms and she scratched mildly down her legs, groaning. "A nice, hot shower will take care of those, Bella," Esme mentioned as she looked at Bella's legs. "A little sun would do you some good, too, but I'm assuming that, like Alice, you'd much rather be inside."

At the mentioning of her name Alice stirred, a small whimper emitting from her full and slightly apart lips. Bella turned her head and looked over at her as Esme headed over to wake her up. It was easy enough. All Esme had to do was place a hand on her frail shoulder and Alice's eyelids fluttered open, a small smile accompanying them. "Good morning, Esme," she hummed in a voice so tender that it made Bella's heart melt all over again. Then she rolled on her side and stretched, the covers falling down to her waist. As she lifted her arms over her head her shirt came up just a bit. Bella saw the pale, beautiful curves of her stomach and the small indent of her belly button. Her mouth became dry and she turned away, sitting up on the bed and trying to fix her hair. Alice sat up as well, revealing to Bella the most horrendous looking case of bed head she'd ever seen. It was pressed flat on one side and the other side stuck out in an askew fashion. Bella smirked at her and Alice blushed, running a hand through her hair.

"Good morning, Bella," she said in that same honey voice.

"M-morning," Bella returned, her eyes flashing to Esme who nodded.

"Alright, Bella, grab your toiletries and we'll head to the showers. Oh, but first," Esme paused as she held her hand out for Bella's own. Bella tentatively gave it to her and watched as Esme pulled something out of her pocket. It looked like Saran wrap but not quite. It was probably the medical form of Saran wrap. Esme unrolled it and carefully began to wrap it around Bella's wrist, covering the gauze. Bella watched in a sleep induced daze as Esme moved to the next wrist. She noticed that her touch was tender and compassionate. It was certainly different from the nurses at the regular hospital who were all about professionalism and schedules.

Bella then felt a presence beside her. Alice was standing next to her, watching intently as Esme applied the wrap. Bella blushed, a feeling of shame entering her gut. She looked at Alice and noticed the childlike innocence in her expression. She was watching Esme like a cat would watch a butterfly, tentatively but with absolute fascination. When Esme finished, Alice reached out and grabbed Bella's wrist. Bella swallowed hard, her cheeks utterly burning. Alice traced her index finger down the wrap then looked up to smile at her. "Shiny and smooth," she muttered. Before Bella could respond, Alice dropped her wrist and seemed to forget about her entire presence as she waited for Esme. She nodded at Alice then looked to Bella, telling her again to grab her bag.

Bella nodded and stood, heading over to her bag. She made a mental note to unpack before the day was done as she sifted through it, finding her bathroom bag. When she stood again, she noticed Alice by her side. Would Alice be joining her? That didn't sound like a bad idea. Bella blushed at the thought. When did she start thinking like this? Esme nodded at the both of them and opened the doors, heading down the hall. Bella followed, hoping to catch a glimpse of one of the other patients in the ward. But again, the hall was empty. She took a few more steps and heard a door clicked open. This spiked her interest and she quickly turned her head. She caught sight of blonde curls before the door slammed shut again. She jumped at the sound and Esme 'tsked' at the door. Alice just giggled beside her as they turned a corner and went into the bathroom.

It looked like a locker room shower. There five or six sinks at the very end of the room with benches lining the middle of the room all the way down. There were five showers on each side and next to the sink on both sides was another hallway. Bella assumed that those led to the actual toilets. There was a slight dropping sound and Bella turned around. She saw Esme sitting on a little chair, pulling out a handheld fan. "You're…going to stay in here?" Bella asked. Though she wanted to be rude, she didn't want to make Alice mad again so she tried her best to make her tone curious. Alice said nothing so it must have been convincing. Esme nodded, not looking too happy about it.

"Until informed by Carlisle that you're okay to be by yourself, I'll have to watch you do almost everything," she answered, sighing. "It just gets so hot in here." Alice giggled and nudged Bella as if to help her catch on before setting her bag on one of the benches and opening it. Bella looked after her before turning back to Esme.

"Okay, well are you going to watch me…use the bathroom too?" Bella blushed at the thought and was relieved when Esme quickly shook her head.

"No, but are you going number one or number two or both?"

"U-um…one," Bella whispered, embarrassed beyond all reason. She turned to look over at Alice again but she looked completely absorbed in the label of her shampoo. Esme smiled at her in attempt to diminish her embarrassment.

"Don't worry, Bella, you'll get used to this. Once you disappear behind that hallway you've exactly two minutes before I come in to check on you, okay?" Bella nodded dumbly and stumbled past the benches into the bathroom. They were set up like the showers, five on each side. And they had a door, but it was a simple push door with no lock. Bella quickly picked the first stall and started counting. By the time she'd finished and flushed, it had been forty five seconds. She came back to the room and noticed that it was far more humid than before. Alice had started a shower and Bella was spared the embarrassment/turn on of having seen her change. She looked down at the bench and noticed that her pajamas were folded neatly on it. Bella looked around and played with the hem of her shirt. Esme caught her eye and nodded for her to continue before looking away and resuming her fanning.

This was nothing like changing in the locker rooms at school. It was far more demeaning. Bella fumbled with her shirt for a minute before she gave up and stepped into the stall behind Alice to finish changing. Once she was undressed, she started the shower and jumped at the cold. However, it quickly got hot and Bella sighed as she turned and let the water run down her dirty hair. She watched how the droplets collected and ran off of the wrap and closed her eyes. And then, she heard singing. Her eyes opened at the sound and she smiled as she listened. Alice was singing.

Her voice was low, throaty from sleep and beautiful. It held a natural vibrato that carried Bella away as she listened to the lyrics and imagined Alice singing about her:

Crack the shutters open wide

I want to bathe you in the light of day

And just watch you as the rays

Tangle up around your face and body

I could sit here for hours

Finding new ways to be awed each minute

'Cause the daylight seems to want you

Just as much as I want you

Bella's grin widened as Alice continued singing, only to move onto another song. Bella didn't listen to this one; she was too busy repeating those lyrics in her head. Maybe someday, they would be about her. Then she sighed after a moment and began to wash her hair. She looked down at her legs and frowned. It had definitely been awhile since she'd had a shower. Wrapping the shower curtain around her, Bella poked her head out. "Um…Esme?"

The nurse lifted h her head and Bella swallowed hard. "I…um, n-need to shave?"

Esme stared at her for a moment, deep in thought. Then she stood up and fished something from her pocket. She headed over to Bella and placed a small razor into her hand. "Don't make me regret it," she urged in a motherly tone. In spite of herself, Bella found herself wanting to please Esme like she would her own mother…if her own mother were still around, anyway. She nodded urgently and Esme smiled, heading back to her chair, calling to Bella to tell her when she was finished with it. Bella shaved as carefully as she could. She didn't even want to nick her skin for fear of Esme's dissatisfaction. Who knew what had come over her? Maybe it was that damn smile. Just as she was about to call Esme, she felt her shower curtain being pulled back. She jumped as she made eye contact with Alice, who was just as nude and dripping as her. Bella blinked a few times, forcing her eyes to remain on Alice's.

"Hey, can I borrow the razor?" she asked. Both looked to Esme, who nodded and Alice turned back to Bella. Bella then noticed Alice's eyes lowering, surveying her body. She blushed violently but resisted the urge to cover herself. Deep down, she knew that she liked Alice staring at her body. Alice continued to look and Bella decided to follow suit, seeing Alice's pale, wet body. Bella started at her feet. She had a thing with feet. She thought it absolutely disgusting if someone's second toe was bigger than their first. In fact, the only way she wasn't disgusted by toes was when they were all in descending order. Bella breathed a sigh of relief, noticing that Alice's little toes did in fact descend in order. Then her eyes travelled up her muscular, toned legs. Alice had to have been a runner. Her legs were beautiful. She came to her waist but quickly passed it, too embarrassed to look there. Her waist however was curvy and petit and it broadened up to her rather ample breasts.

Bella hadn't been expecting that. She'd always figured that a little person would have little breasts. But Alice was at least a B, which looked to be pretty sufficient on her little frame. Bella sighed almost angrily. Perfect. This girl did not have a flaw. Alice's head jerked back up and she smiled at Bella as if she'd done nothing wrong, extending her hand for the razor. Bella clumsily handed it to her, slightly surprised when Alice looked down at her chest yet again. Then she looked at Bella with an impressed expression on her face. "You have really nice breasts," she stated like she was commenting on something as simple as jewelry. Bella flushed violently but before she could respond, Esme's voice rang over the showers.

"Alice!"

Alice giggled and tipped the razor at Bella as a symbol of thanks and headed back to her own shower. "Don't worry, Esme, no one has better boobs than you!" she giggled again. Bella heard Esme huff loudly and she couldn't help but laugh quietly to herself as she finished her shower.

Once they were cleaned and ready to go, Esme directed them back down the hall. She instructed them both to change quickly and then stood outside the door. Once they were alone in the room, Bella glanced over at Alice. "Alice, do you still have to have Esme go with you everywhere?" She found it strange that if Alice had been here for so long that she'd still need supervision. Alice shook her head lightly.

"No, I don't need to be accompanied by Esme but we all had to go through this awkward first day. I thought you'd be more comfortable if someone was with you, not making you seem so singled out."

Bella thought for a moment. Alice was right. The whole situation had been less awkward with her there. "Well…thank you, Alice," Bella returned, her sincere tone evident. Alice smirked proudly at her.

"No problem, now we'd better hurry."

Bella nodded and they both picked up the pace. Still a little shaken from their shower encounter, Bella turned her back to Alice as she changed. When they finished, Alice led the way to the door. Esme was waiting patiently and she smiled at them. "Alice, Dr. Cullen has requested that Bella eat breakfast with him. Is that okay?"

"Sure, no problem," Alice answered with a shrug. Then, without a goodbye to Bella, she danced down the hallway. Bella felt slightly hurt by this. She at least expected a 'seeya later' or something. They both watched her walk for a moment before Esme turned to Bella.

"Ready, Bella?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Alright, let's go."

Bella was starting to get a little tired of walking down all of these hallways with no one there. In fact, she was beginning to suspect that there were no other patients and that Esme was flat out nuts. Of course, that idea was a little farfetched but it distracted Bella from Alice's neglect and she couldn't complain. Bella sighed. What was up with that girl? In all honesty, what did Bella expect? She was in a mental institution for a reason, right? But there was something so…sane about her. Bella giggled aloud, causing Esme to turn and glance at her queerly. However, when Bella ignored her stares she turned back around and Bella returned to her thoughts. Alice had seemed interested in her, right? She'd commented her tits! But…Alice appeared to have no shame. Maybe that was just her way…to comment on tits. Bella flushed upon remembering the incident. Maybe she should just calm down. She'd only known Alice for a few hours. She should get to know her better.

Wait.

Bella stopped dead in her tracks. Esme didn't notice and kept on walking. Alice was a girl. A girl! Female! When did this happen? When did Bella Swan like girls? Bella thought for a moment, allowing her mind to be truly honest. She'd liked girls for awhile. And, considering all that had happened with the opposite sex, she was pretty well turned off from males. Her scratches started itching again and she scratched them roughly, wincing at the pain. Who the hell was she kidding? This was the last place and Alice was the last person to get in a relationship with. She was supposed to be healing, not horny. The tapping of feet on the tile woke Bella from her daze and she noticed Esme walking back towards her. "Come on, Bella, don't stop," she urged, sounding just a little annoyed. Bella grinned and followed her without problems the rest of the way.

After a few minutes, they arrived in front of two large, wooden doors. Esme pushed one open and allowed Bella to enter before her. They were standing in what looked like a secretary's office, only it was quite a bit larger than the others Bella had seen. Esme slid past her and over to another set of doors. She knocked twice (Bella was definitely betting on Obsessive compulsive disorder) and there was a kind beckoning that came from within. Esme grinned, then looked over at Bella, cocking her head as a signal for her to go in. Bella nodded at her in return and tentatively stepped through the door.

The office was even bigger than the secretary's. It made sense but the secretary already had a huge office comparatively. Bella looked around as she realized that there were no walls, only bookshelves. There must have been thousands of books that littered the walls, covering every inch. There was a large desk in the middle of the room with all of the modern furnishings of a computer, lamp, stapler and what have you. Sitting on it was a tray that looked to have bacon and eggs on it. Bella's stomach growled as she saw it and she quickly looked away. Situated in front of the desk were two overstuffed, comfortable looking chairs. Behind those was another comfortable chair and a long leather couch. Bella glanced at it and headed over to it, tracing the warm, worn in fabric.

"Would you like to sit down?"

Bella jumped, giving a light squeak, and turned around. Standing in the corner with a book in one hand was Carlisle, the man from before. Duh. Bella mentally slapped herself. She should have known that he was the doctor. Why else would he have mentioned seeing her in the morning? Bella really needed to her mind in order. The man smiled, showing no hints of mockery at her fright, and motioned towards the furniture. "My name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Please, sit. You must be starving." He headed over to his desk and grabbed the tray. Bella immediately sat down on the couch and fell in love with it. It was almost more comfortable in her bed. Carlisle set the tray down in front of her and took a seat on one of the chairs. Bella eyed the plate intently. She wanted to eat, but her manners were preventing her from doing so. Carlisle chuckled softly as he relaxed into the chair.

"Bella, I know you're hungry. There's no need to waste your time on etiquette."

Bella needed no further instruction and she smiled thankfully at him before taking a piece of bacon into her mouth. Carlisle watched her as she ate and yet she didn't feel awkward. There was something about him that made him easy to trust. She was definitely warming up to him a lot better than she was to Esme. When Bella had finished her meal, Carlisle leaned forward a bit, looking intently into her eyes.

"So, Bella, would you like to talk about what happened last night?"

Bella swallowed hard on her last bite of bacon, nearly choking. Alice's screaming filled her ears and she closed her eyes to will the sound away. It was still so fresh in her mind, so vivid in her memory. Yes, she was dying to talk about it.

"Yes…what was that, Carlisle-Dr. Cullen?"

"Carlisle, please…what you experienced last night was one of Alice's episodes resulted from her schizophrenia. She's a schizophrenic. Do you know what that means?"

"The only stuff I know about it is what I've seen in movies so probably not."

"Schizophrenia is when someone's perception of reality is altered. In Alice's case, she has severe delusions of paranoia. She's always thinking that someone is out to get her or that someone's watching her when she's having an episode. You may have noticed that she behaves differently from the norm. That's also a side effect. Because of the schizophrenia she has trouble separating and distinguishing her thoughts. Alice is very, very lucky. She's still very functional." Carlisle paused, allowing Bella to gather all of this information. And while she understood most of it, she still had some questions.

"What about the sketchbook?"

"Well, as you may have noticed, we're a little different here. I don't believe that much in medicine as I do in the human mind alone. Most schizophrenics cannot remember when they have episodes or what happens during them. Alice is different. Sometimes she remembers them vividly. By writing them down, she's able to experience it and cope with it rather than being left in the dark. I also encourage her to draw and write in it to help keep her thoughts sorted. Any other questions?"

"Not about Alice…"

"About someone else, then?"

"Well…I haven't seen anyone else from the ward. I was wondering if you could tell me about them?"

Carlisle nodded and changed his posture. "It would only seem fair as everyone else has been informed of you. There are four other people in this ward besides yourself and Alice. There are three boys, Jasper, Emmett and Jacob, and one girl, Rosalie. They all have different mental problems but deep down, you all have very much in common."

"What do we have in common?" Bella asked. But Carlisle either ignored the question or didn't hear it and continued on.

"Emmett is the oldest. He's twenty three years old. You'll know who he is when you see him. He's the most muscular of them all with a baby face. He has Borderline Personality Disorder which can be generically described as instability of emotion ro coping with extreme emotion. Emmett's moods are generally very high, very low or very angry. If he's in the high state, enjoy it while it lasts. If he's in any of the other two, I would just let him be." Carlisle paused again and looked at Bella with determined eyes. "Now, don't take any of this the wrong way, Bella. None of the people in the ward are dangerous. They just have problems, the same as you and I, got it?" Bella nodded, anxious for him to continue.

"Then there's Jasper. He's the one with the blonde curls. Jasper, besides you, is our most recent patient. He just finished serving in the war. He's currently suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Jasper's a great soldier, but he's too compassionate to have had to have done what he did. He's suffering greatly and forgive him if he seems rude or antisocial.

"And the last of the boys is Jacob. He's very tan. Jacob has Intermittent Explosive Disorder. At any given time, he can go into an absolute rage. While in these rages he can be very dangerous. His anger and adrenaline gives him the same will of mind as someone on PCP. However, he's been free of incidents for almost a month now. He's doing very well.

"Last but certainly not least is Rosalie. If I could tell you just three things about Rosalie, it's that she's very pretty, she knows it, and she doesn't need to be told by you. She has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. She's vain and unbelievably dependent on others to feed her cravings for compliments. I would stay out of her way as well and try your best not to be affected by her. And please, of all things, remember that these people are human too and that they're not dangerous. I won't tolerate you treating them any differently than you would your grandmother."

Bella nodded obediently. For some reason, she wanted to please Carlisle, to make him like her. He just had that vibe. She'd heard and retained every word Carlisle had spoken. And though she was a little frightened, she wasn't judgmental. She'd learned her mistake on that already. Yet there was still something gnawing at the back of her mind.

"Carlisle…I…what am I doing here? Do I have one of those disorders?"

"I don't know yet, Bella. This is our first chat."

"Then what am I doing in here?"

"You signed yourself into our care."

"Yes but…do I belong here?"

Carlisle sighed, rubbing his eyelids. Then he smiled kindly at her and spoke in a fatherly tone that Bella never knew. "If you didn't, you wouldn't have agreed to come." Bella pondered his words for a moment. After it felt like she'd been quiet too long, she still wasn't completely at terms with his answer. But she had just one more question.

"What do we all have in common, like you said before?"

Carlisle chuckled a bit, then rose from the chair, offering his hand to her. "It's time for group. I'll let you figure it out for yourself." He then took Bella's hand and led her down the hall. As they neared an opening into what she thought was a living room of some sort, Bella heard the sounds of voices coming from it. Voices she'd never heard before. Bella's breathing quickened just a bit. She was about to meet the insane of the insane and she could only pray that they were as harmless as Carlisle had mentioned.


	3. Chapter 3

Group

Carlisle paused just before they went inside the room and let go of Bella's hand. "Are you ready, Bella?" he asked, looking down at her with kind eyes. Bella swallowed hard and closed her eyes. Laughter rang through the hallway from the room and she opened her eyes, nodding. Carlisle's smile widened and he gestured towards the door. Bella studied his hand for a moment before taking a deep breath and stepping inside the room. All of the chairs were set up in a small circle. And there was a person occupying each chair except for two.

All of the chatter stopped instantly. Bella felt herself blushing as she stopped just inside of the door and five pairs of eyes fell on her. Her arms started burning. She wanted to run. She wanted to cry. She'd never felt so scrutinized in all her life. It was too quiet. She let her head hang and then felt a light tapping. Bella forced herself to look up and focused on Alice. She was patting the empty chair next to her and smiling. Relief washed over Bella as she quickly headed over to the chair. She stumbled a bit on her way over and noticed a few muffled snickers. Her cheeks were red again and Alice smiled at her, patting her arm as she sat down. Thank God for Alice.

The snickering stopped as soon as Carlisle entered the room. He smiled at all of them and then took his own chair. "Guys, this is Bella Swan," he gestured to her with his hand, "and she's our new resident. I want you all to be kind to her. You all know how hard this transition was and Bella's situation is no different." Bella glanced around the room. Everyone was staring at Carlisle, but they were all evidently looking at her out of the corner of their eye. She gulped, apparently rather loudly as Alice grasped her hand and gave it a squeeze. Before Bella had time to really react to it, Carlisle chuckled. "Thank you, Alice. That was very kind of you to give her reassurance." Alice giggled in response and Carlisle continued, turning his attention to another patient.

"Let's start with you, Emmett. How do you feel about this new arrival?"

Bella looked over to the man that Carlisle was referring. He was massive. Not grotesquely big but definitely noticeable. He had short dark hair and hard eyes. Bella noticed that he was wearing a white long sleeved shirt and jeans. She looked up at his neck, which was probably the size of Alice's entire thigh, and noticed large indentations. Scars…big scars. From the looks of it, the majority were under his shirt. She briefly wondered where they came from before Emmett shifted in his chair and spoke.

"I don't know, I mean, we were doing fine without her, right?" Emmett asked. He seemed shy and nervous. Bella certainly wasn't expecting that from such a large man. Carlisle wrote something down then looked at him again.

"You're right; we were doing well without her. But don't you think we'll do even better now that she's here?"

"I…I don't know. Did we do something wrong? Is that why you brought someone else in here?"

"No, Emmett, no one did anything wrong. Does anyone think that Emmett did anything wrong?" Carlisle asked, looking around the room. No one moved except for Alice who shook her head.

"Except for being racist, maybe," answered a gruff voice to Bella's right. Everyone looked over and Bella noticed a man sitting next to her. This must have been Jacob as he was very tanned. He looked to be Native American and his long, black hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail. He was in a black shirt with a forest green jacket and jeans. He looked utterly and completely infuriated. Bella started to become fearful of just sitting so close to him and she squeezed Alice's hands.

"Emmett, don't speak," Carlisle commanded, holding a hand out towards Emmett to silence whatever he was about to say. "Don't speak and remember that we all love you and we're not going anywhere. No one wants to see you getting hurt by being angry." Bella watched as Emmett began to close his eyes and take deep breaths. The blonde girl next to him, Rosalie, patted his arm with a soft smile. Bella didn't trust that smile, though it accentuated her already gorgeous face flawlessly.

"Jacob, why do you feel that Emmett's a racist?" Carlisle asked, directing everyone towards the Native American. He huffed in his seat, crossing his arms and pouting. Bella immediately got the impression that this boy was immature. But judging by his large stature, second only to Emmett's, she wasn't about to tell him that.

"Because everyone's racist against us! I can see it in all of you. You all hate me and think I'm some sort of peon just because I'm not white and used to live on a reservation." He narrowed his eyes at Emmett. "And what's this 'we' business? Don't include me in your conversations, man," Jacob growled. Emmett snorted in his seat and began gripping the armrests. Bella could hear the wood creaking beneath his palms as they stared each other down. Both had anger issues and they were pissed off…not good. Carlisle stood, prepared to jump in should one of them attack. Jacob began to shake in his rage while Emmett closed his eyes and shook his head. Carlisle was talking about something but no one was paying attention. They were all watching the two boys and the tension was too high. Another man stood up to intervene. Bella recognized him as Jasper. He looked utterly pissed as well, but fully capable of controlling it. He had curly blonde hair and innocent yet hard eyes. He looked pained.

"Hey, is there a racist term for a Native American?" a voice called out among the tension. Everyone turned to stare at Alice, who'd spoken up. She looked around the room with a wide smile on her face and asked the question again, this time looking directly at Jacob. "Is there a racist term for a Native American?" Bella couldn't keep it inside any longer. In the midst of the anger and awkwardness, she let out a laugh. She tried to stifle it, but it was already out in the open. She felt everyone staring at her but she couldn't seem to stop. Then, she heard another sputter.

Emmett was now laughing, his cheeks turning red. Alice began to laugh as well, giggling softly into Bella's shoulder. Jasper breathed a sigh of relief and smiled as he sat back down. Carlisle, while wanting to laugh, kept his composure and also seated himself. And while Jacob didn't laugh, he did seem to have calmed down considerable, huffing in his chair again. When the laughing died down, Jacob turned to Alice again.

"Sure there are terms for us. But I'm not gonna tell you. The last thing I need to do is teach you guys what to call me." He smiled at Alice and she nodded, still grinning. Everyone seemed in better spirits. Apparently, Alice had an effect on everyone. No one could really stay angry as long as she held the lead. It was an admirable trait to have. Bella couldn't help but be a little…overwhelmed by the young woman next her. She was utterly captivating. Carlisle thanked Alice for her question and then thanked Jacob for answering it before heading on to Jasper.

"Jasper, how are you today?" Jasper shrugged in his chair, his eyes directed at the floor. "I noticed you stood when tensions were high. Were you hoping to intervene should something have escalated?" Jasper nodded.

"Why?" Carlisle asked.

Jasper sat up in his chair and sighed, running his hands through his hair. "I don't believe in senseless violence. It's ridiculous to just beat someone up if you're angry. It just…gets to me," he mumbled, looking away. Carlisle nodded and everyone seemed to accept what he had to say. Emmett and Jacob didn't appear to be insulted by the comment. And if they were they didn't show it. Bella could understand why. Though not the biggest, Jasper had a way about him that told you not to mess with him. Maybe it was in his eyes, or the way he carried himself. Bella didn't know. She really didn't want to find out all that much either.

"Okay, Rose, how are you doing, lately?" Carlisle started, setting down his notebook and giving her his full attention. Bella turned her head and watched as Rosalie prepared to speak. She looked around the room, flashing her perfect white teeth at everyone. However, there was a hint of disdain and self entitlement behind her eyes. Bella knew she didn't like this girl. But it was okay because she was fairly certain that Rosalie didn't like her either. Then she giggled, throwing her flowing blonde locks back and running a beautifully sculpted hand through it. When she was sure she had the full attention of everyone, her face fell. Even when she pouted she looked unfathomably gorgeous. Bella couldn't help but be a little jealous yet she refused to let Rosalie see it.

"Well, to be honest, Carlisle, I'm not happy," she said, protruding her lower lip. "I mean, I'm treated like one of these people." She swept her hand across the room. "I mean, surely people of such stature like Emmett and I should be in a different ward." She flashed a smile at Emmett and Bella watched him melt right there on his chair. Jacob made a gagging noise, going so far as to put his head between his legs and start heaving. Alice rolled her eyes but Bella wasn't clear at whom and let go of her hand to run it through her hair. When she finished, Bella noticed that she didn't take her hand again. Instead, she began tapping her fingers on the chair, her head bobbing to the presumable song in her mind. Bella shook her head at the girl and smiled to herself, looking back at the crowd.

"Is something funny?" a sharp voice pierced the room. Bella looked up and noticed Rosalie's ice blue eyes glaring into her own. God she was intimidating. Rosalie's head twitched slightly. Clearly Bella had taken too long in answering. "I said, 'is something funny?'" she asked again. Bella exhaled deeply and shook her head. She wasn't quite sure how to use her voice at the moment. Rosalie scoffed, looking from each person to the other in hopes of the same response. No one even bothered looking at her. Bella swallowed hard, feeling the blood running to her cheeks as Rosalie glared at her again.

"Then can I ask what you were giggling at?" she questioned, leaning forward in her chair. Bella looked to Carlisle for support but he was simply writing in his notebook. Bella sighed and clasped her hands together, rubbing them. She'd never felt so intimidated in her life. And she roomed with a schizoid.

"I-I was just…giggling. It's a-a nervous thing," Bella responded, giggling again though it was hardly believable. All eyes were upon her. Her entire body was shaking. She saw Alice shift next to her in her peripheral and wished that she would come to her rescue. She wished that anyone would come to her rescue. But they all just sat there, watching, Carlisle scribbling. What kind of place was this? Bella was supposed to feel secure in a place like this. Instead, she felt singled out, isolated and in danger. Rosalie tilted her head to the side again then grinned. Bella could practically see the venom gleaming against her teeth.

"Well, perhaps you should work on that. You obviously don't have the right to make assumptions about me. A person of your…homely appearance and dull nature wouldn't dream of laughing in my presence, right?"

Oh, she was a mega bitch. And yet, there was something…mesmerizing about the way she spoke. The way her tone was a warm honey, the way the ice around her eyes melted, the way she just made her believe. She was homely. She was dull. She was insignificant. And she should not be laughing in her presence. Absently, Bella nodded her head, not noticing the widening eyes at her succumbing. Bella felt herself on the verge of tears. She was so weak. She'd always been so weak. And now, in this room of people supposedly just like her, she still had no one to help her, no one to stand up for her. All eyes were on her, watching but not speaking. She felt alone, alienated. Her wrists began to burn again. And she welcomed it. She was just as plain and worthless as they'd all said. As he'd said.

"It would seem you've been watching too many Cate Blanchett movies," came a voice just to the side of Bella. She felt a hand on her back, firm and in place. Rosalie suddenly looked very amused and straightened in her chair. She enjoyed this…all of the attention on her. The pleasing look in her eyes almost made Bella sick. In fact, if she weren't sure that Rosalie had a real disorder, she would have thrown her chair at her already. But she did have a disorder. And she was very good at playing it her way. And now, Alice's intervention had only made her thirstier for more.

"What are you babbling about, Alice?" Rosalie taunted, twirling a ringlet of her hair around her finger. Emmett watched her, enraptured. Everyone else appeared to be mildly intrigued as if this sort of thing happened all of the time. Maybe it did. Alice smiled that perfect smile to which not even Rosalie's could compare and shrugged.

"You prance around here like the Queen of England all high and mighty. We all know, including yourself despite what Carlisle says, that you're not. You're nowhere near perfect." There was that angry tone again. Bella had heard it before when Alice criticized her for being rude to Esme. It was frank and passionate and Bella couldn't help but smile as Rosalie's expression faltered. However, her attitude didn't.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Alice. And, like Bella, you've no right to make judgmental assumptions about me."

"The scars on your wrists suggest otherwise."

The room fell painfully quiet. Carlisle looked up from his notebook and warily surveyed the two girls. Emmett leaned forward in his chair with his eyes still focused on Rosalie. Jacob opened his eyes. Jasper's eyes narrowed. Rosalie, in a moment of weakness, shoved her hands in her pockets and glared at Alice. The pixie smirked and gestured to Bella, grabbing her arm and flinging it before her.

"The very scars that will soon blemish Bella's wrists. And those are the same as Emmett's all over his body, the never ending burn on Jacob's neck, the smell of antifreeze in Jasper's nose and the metal I can still taste at the back of my throat. You, Rosalie, are no different or better than any of us. And even if you still disagree with me, keep comments such as that to yourself," Alice finished, casting Bella's hand aside and sitting back into her chair.

The mood changed significantly then. It was somber and it hit home. Alice coughed while Jasper sneezed. Emmett pulled at the sleeves of his shirt and Jacob caressed his neck. The feelings were all very real and still evident within each of them. The feeling of dying, feeling the life seep out of you. Feeling the regret, the remorse, the knowledge of your wrong decision. Feeling selfish and hated…it stung badly. Alice had been so raw with each and every one of them. She'd said nothing but the truth and yet her words had cut them all to the core. Despite their disorders, they were human and they did hurt. However, Bella felt the strange feeling that it was necessary.

Rosalie scratched at her wrists, glaring at Alice and mumbling incoherent comments to Emmett. Bella didn't really know what to feel. She didn't know if she should be grateful, happy or suicidal. Was it possible to be all of the above? Apparently so.

Carlisle rose from his chair then, surveying the room. He looked a mix between pleased and disconcerted and Bella didn't know how he could look but. Being in this place had changed her whole thought process, beliefs and ideas. She didn't know what to expect anymore. But what bothered her most was that she didn't really care. "Well, I think that's enough of group for today. I'll be in my office all day. If any of you need to talk, please come see me or Esme. You've all done very well and I'm very proud." He smiled again to show that he'd truly meant it, and left without a word clutching onto his precious notebook. Everyone stayed where they were for a few moments. Each of them stared at their own tile on the floor, toying with what had nearly killed them.

Jasper was the first to leave. And he did so quickly, bolting from his chair and practically racing out of the room. Jacob followed suit, angrily throwing his chair to the ground as he stood. Alice got up next and floated to the door. Not wanting to be left alone with Rosalie and Emmett, Bella followed, keeping her head down. She walked in a daze all of the way down to her room. She didn't even know if Alice had gone in there or if she'd gone somewhere else. She really didn't care at the moment either. She just wanted to lie down. Bella pushed open the door and practically fell onto her bed, curling into a ball and clutching her knees to her chest. She heard scribbling and glanced up to see Alice writing in her sketchbook again. Bella wondered briefly just how many sketchbooks she went through. Alice noticed her staring and looked over, giving a soft smile. Bella was able to return it before the pixie went back to her work.

Not really being physically tired, Bella just watched as Alice wrote and scribbled, doodled and traced on the paper. It was fascinating to her that Alice had so many thoughts running rampant in her head. Bella never knew such a thought process. Alice coughed again and rubbed her throat and Bella was reminded of what she'd said. The metal she tasted. She must've…

"Alice," Bella started cautiously, playing with the gauze on her wrist, "I was wondering about what you said at group today. You mentioned tasting metal?" Bella wanted to be slightly vague. That way if Alice didn't want to discuss it, there were a lot of ways for her to drop the conversation. Alice ignored her for a few moments, her brow furrowing as she finished up the final remnants of something in the book. Then she sighed and lowered it, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Bella smiled at her, noticing that her feet didn't even touch the floor.

"Yep, you heard correctly. And I'm assuming you have the proper inference skills that I don't need to tell you how I tried?" she asked. Bella loved the way she spoke so differently, so randomly yet so honestly.

"A…gun?"

"Correct-a-mundo,"

"C-can I ask why…how…what?" Bella blushed, knowing that she'd probably gone too far. But Alice was so different. Bella couldn't get enough of her. She wanted to know everything, everyone, every incident in her life. Much to her relief, Alice didn't seem offended by the comment. She simply shrugged, swinging her legs against the bed.

"Honestly, I don't remember it very much…or at all. I can't really remember anything from before I've been here. But I do remember the taste of that metal. It was so bitter and yet it tasted kinda' good, you know?" Truth be, told Bella didn't know but Alice didn't give her a chance to answer anyway. "From what I've been told, my mother came in on me about to off myself and we wrestled around with the gun. Needless to say, that was a stupid thing to do. It went off." Bella gulped and blushed. Alice talked of her attempt so cavalierly. And she wouldn't even mention her own. Alice sighed and rose from the bed to walk over to Bella.

"I was shot. Do you want to see where?" Again with the childlike innocence. Bella was suddenly reminded of her babysitting days when the children were so excited to show her their new Hot Wheels car. But, nevertheless, Bella did want to see it and she told Alice so. Alice grinned while taking her bottom lip in her teeth. Then, right there in front of Bella, she undid the snap of her jeans and pulled them down.

Bella's first instinct was to look away. And she did. However, Alice only pushed her pants down a little, exposing the majority of her left hip. Forcing herself to remain calm, Bella looked back and noticed the circular shaped scar that was just next to Alice's pelvis bone. It looked like a strangely colored sun. In fact, it looked more like a tattoo than a scar. Bella exhaled slowly, watching as Alice shifted a bit. She must have felt her breath on her skin. It was then that she noticed just how close they were. Bella wasn't but four inches away from Alice's pelvis. Bella felt herself blushing again and looked away, muttering some form of 'cool.' Alice giggled and agreed before buttoning her pants and returning to her bed.

That night Alice didn't have an episode. Bella stayed up all night watching her. She could never really sleep anyway. At least now she had something to look at. It was beautiful to watch her sleep. She watched Alice's chest rise and fall in even breathing. She smiled when Alice did and frowned when Alice did. At one point during a particularly interesting dream, Alice had kicked off the covers. Instantly Bella was on her feet, covering her back up. Alice snuggled into the covers as Bella pulled them up to her chin, letting out a contented moan. Bella smiled down at her, her hand daring outwards to caress her pale cheek. It was smooth and perfect. She was perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

Attack

"Excuse me?" Bella snarled, rubbing her sleep-laden eyes. Esme grinned and nodded, more than aware that Bella had heard her the first time. As Bella tried to pull the covers up over her head, Esme grabbed them and wrenched them away.

"I said that it's time to get up, Bella. On Saturday mornings we have physical recreation. Get dressed in something comfortable, okay?"

Bella glowered as she sat up on the side of her bed. The cold air hit her coverless arms and she shivered a bit as she glanced over at Esme. She was wearing grey sweats and tennis shoes. Hanging from her neck was the stereotypical whistle. Could this woman really be this pathetic? Surely there was something more to her. But Bella couldn't seem to find it within herself to care if there was or not. Instead, she averted her gaze to something much more interesting. Alice was sitting up in bed, mimicking her position as she stretched. Bella smiled, blushing as Alice noticed her and returned it before wildly running her hands through her hair.

Esme greeted Alice then told Bella to hurry up before heading out of the room. Bella kept her contempt to herself simply for Alice's sake and opened her drawers. She'd finally had time to unpack given the unease of yesterday. Everyone seemed to want to stay in their rooms. And after her scar encounter with Alice, the only thing Bella could do to distract herself was to unpack. Alice watched her for a few minutes with that same fascination. Bella couldn't deny that she enjoyed the attention and she was saddened when Alice picked up her sketchbook and didn't acknowledge her for the rest of the evening. She sighed and picked up a pair of athletic shorts before turning to glance over at Alice. Her back was turned to her as she rummaged through her own clothes. Bella noticed that her shirt was off and she'd already applied a sports bra. Would Bella need a sports bra? The mere thought of having to do activities strenuous enough to require a sports bra made Bella's leg give. Up until now, this place had been completely unaware of her clumsiness. She'd been hoping to keep it that way.

Alice pulled a shirt on and Bella looked away. Her fingers toyed with the fabric of her one and only ill-used sports bra as she thought. In the end, she decided better safe than sorry and put it on. When she'd put her shirt on, Alice spoke to her for the first time. "Are you ready, Bella?"

Bella turned around and noticed that Alice was completely ready to go. She had on a pair of those pink, skimpy running shorts that constituted more for underwear than pants and a black tank top. A pair of expensive looking tennis shoes was on her tiny feet and a pink sweatband accentuated her short hair. She looked so cute. Bella had to force a cough to refrain from going, "Awww!" Luckily, the cough kept it sustained and she shook her head before turning around to remove her pajama bottoms. Just as she was about to pull on her shorts, she felt Alice's hands on her shoulders. Bella squeaked, causing Alice's grip to tighten just a bit. Cautiously she turned her head and watched as the pixie smiled at her.

"Do you mind if I pull your hair up? I can't really play with my own hair all that much," she laughed as she toyed with a band between her fingers. Bella exhaled sharply, pulling her shorts up the remainder of the way. Then she nodded dumbly and allowed Alice to lead her over to her bed. Once she was seated Alice climbed behind her and gently ran her fingers through her hair. Bella shivered at her touch, noticing how tender it was.

Alice gave a light sigh as she pulled Bella's hair back. "You have great hair. I just have feathers," she joked as she wrapped the band around it.

Bella smiled before answering, "I love your hair."

"You do?"

"Yeah,"

"Why? It's just…feathers."

"No, it's hair and it looks great on you."

Alice didn't answer and Bella thought for a moment that she'd said the wrong thing. However, when she dared a glance back at her, she noticed that Alice's cheeks were a soft pink. She'd made her blush. Bella turned back around with a smug grin on her face as Alice finished with her hair. When she was done, Bella pulled her shoes and followed Alice out the door. "Obviously, breakfast is first," Alice said as she walked beside Bella down the hallway. Bella nodded, looking for any sign of the other patients. She couldn't find any sign of them. They were probably in the cafeteria already.

Bella's prediction was correct. Everyone was there and in athletic clothes. Jasper and Jacob were sitting across from each other at a table. Both were sitting and just staring and eating. She doubted that they were really 'eating together.' Emmett was in line just behind Rosalie. Bella noticed that the blonde had some sort of wrap on her wrist and that Emmett was carrying her tray and loading it with her every demand. Bella scoffed. As if Rosalie would ever do something to injure her perfect body. Alice giggled next to her, looping her arm through Bella's. "Rosalie wears that at every meal. It's so Emmett will carry her tray."

"Is he that stupid?"

"No, he just likes her."

Before Bella could answer Alice tugged on her arm and led her towards the line. Though Bella had been expecting the worst, the food looked pretty appetizing and she smiled as she shoveled eggs and bacon onto her tray. When she looked up, she noticed Alice was standing beside the milk area waiting for. She put a carton of chocolate milk on Bella's tray before leading the way to an unoccupied booth thing to the right of the cafeteria. As they sat, Bella noticed that Alice had two boiled eggs and a granola bar with skim milk. Then she looked at her own tray, feeling rather fat.

Alice groaned and picked up an egg. "I hate eating like this. Thankfully P.E. is only on Saturdays." She grinned at Bella and then took a bite. Feeling just a bit better about herself, Bella took a piece of bacon. They ate silently for a few minutes. Bella watched as Rosalie formed a pained expression while walking over to Jasper's table. They all greeted her flatly as Emmett pulled her chair out for her. Bella shook her head at the sight and Alice turned to glance at her before shrugging and returning to her meal.

"I don't get it. He's just sitting there giving her what she wants. He's basically instigating her actions. She's not going to get better if he just gives in. She'll just stay here and rot away forever."

Alice shrugged again, seemingly indifferent. Bella huffed and sat back against the booth. Why didn't anyone care? Wasn't this place supposed help people get better? If Rosalie was just living life normally, what's to stop Bella from not being able to get better in this place? She didn't want to stay here. She wanted to get better. The fact that Alice didn't care had her fuming for some reason. She wanted Alice to care. She needed Alice to care. "What, do you not care, Alice? You don't care that Rosalie isn't going to get better?"

"I didn't say that," Alice murmured.

"But you don't have an opinion."

"Oh, I have an opinion."

"Well, I'd really like to hear it. Because right now, you're looking like a bitch." Bella's eyes widened. Shit.

Alice looked up at her, throwing her food back on the plate. "My opinion is who the hell are you to say anything about these people? You've been here, what, three days? You're not a doctor, Bella. Keep your fucking thoughts to yourself." With that, she stood up and took her tray before barging out the door. Everyone from the other table watched her go, then turned to Bella. Most of the expressions, save for Jaspers, were glares. Bella lowered her head and sniffed, trying to stifle the tears. She couldn't believe she'd done that. She couldn't believe she'd said that. What came over her? He…he came over her. Bella sighed angrily and slammed her tender wrists on the edge of the table. She winced as the pain entered and left her body for a moment. It helped…but not much.

She couldn't believe it. She was nothing. She was worthless. Who was she to just assume things about people? It wasn't like her. It was like him and she hated it. She hated him. Slowly, she dared herself to look back over at the other table. No one was paying attention to her. For that, she was grateful. Then she watched as Jacob got up to throw his tray away and headed out the same door. Bella had never been through that door. She didn't know where to go after this. And she certainly didn't want to go up to that table. She was fairly certain that they all hated her. Maybe she should just go and find the murderers ward and off herself quickly. Her food suddenly became shadowed.

"Are you finished?" a surprisingly kind voice asked her. Bella looked up and noticed Jasper staring before her. He looked…awkward. And though his words had sounded kind his eyes were still as hard and as fierce as ever. Bella nodded and watched as he quickly observed her tray before taking it. "I thought I'd lead you to the recreation course, if that's okay?" Bella nodded again and Jasper returned it before waiting for her to get out and leading her out the same door. Unsurprisingly, it was a long hallway. They walked in silence for a few minutes before Jasper cleared his throat. Bella looked up at him but his eyes stayed forward.

"I…overheard your conversation with Alice," he began nervously.

Bella blinked a few times. "Y-you could hear us?" Fear began to consume her at the thought of what Rosalie would do to her. And the fact that Emmett was on her side didn't really make her feel better. She was pretty sure that if Rosalie did decide to fight or kill her, all of the others would merely laugh and cheer her on. Alice included.

"Yes, but I had to strain. It was one of those instances where you have to focus on someone's mouth to hear them?" He appeared to be more nervous that she was and yet Bella let out sigh of relief at the fact that she wasn't going to be murdered yet. "Alice hurt your feelings," he began again, choosing his words carefully. "She doesn't mean to, you know. She has mood swings and such. I assume Carlisle told you?"

Bella nodded.

"Well, that was part of why she was so angry. The other part I thought I should tell you myself. Alice has been here since she was 13 years old. And I don't see her leaving any time soon. You're comment about Rosalie not being able to leave probably offended her more than you intended. I think…if you get the chance…you should apologize."

Bella mulled over it for a moment. She wanted to apologize, but was it ever really that easy. Jasper looked down at her and chuckled softly before his face went stolid again. "People like us have no right for pride, Bella. Save for Rosalie, of course."

Bella giggled and looked up at him. He seemed to know just how to make her feel better. Another admirable trait. Rosalie may have hated her, but Jasper was on Bella's side. And she couldn't be more grateful. "Thanks, Jasper. Truth be told, I thought you all were plotting against me."

"No, everyone was new once. I'd just…be more careful with my words. Particularly around Alice. Though she drops it quickly, she is very sensitive."

"I will, Jasper. Thanks for the advice. You're really good and calming the mood."

"Yeah…it's a gift," Jasper chuckled softly and it was almost strange to see considering his usually hard demeanor. But Bella welcomed it nonetheless. Friends seemed to be a necessity for survival in this place. Jasper then turned a corner and led Bella out a door. The bright morning sun hit her face and she squinted as her eyes adjusted. She'd been in indoor lighting for way too long and though she wasn't particularly a sunny person, she welcomed the change. When she finally opened her eyes she noticed that they were behind the hospital. There was an extremely large field that the forest circled around. In the field was a large track ring and inside the ring were various exercise equipment. As they neared, Bella noticed that everyone else was already on the field. She and Jasper must have taken the long way so that he could have time to speak to her in private.

Rosalie was in the middle of the track, reclining back on a big green ball. She didn't have the wrap on her wrist anymore and was all too preoccupied with her toned stomach muscles. She didn't even seem to be noticing Emmett's gawking as he stood there holding a medicine ball. Jacob was over to the far side doing crunches like mad. Esme was standing over him, holding down his feet and counting out loud. He appeared to be getting more forceful with each crunch. It was almost scary to witness all of the intensity he held. On the other side of the track, Bella caught sight of Alice sprinting rather quickly down the lane. She smiled to herself, proud of the fact that she was right about her being a runner. It wasn't until she saw Jasper walking ahead of her that she snapped out of her daze and headed over to the track.

As she neared, she felt her insides becoming more and more knotted. While not fat, she definitely wasn't anywhere near at the peak of physical condition. Not only that, but she was pretty much considered a clumsy oaf by anyone who knew her or had gym with her. She was constantly making a fool of herself at school. And now, as she watched all of these people doing exercise routines with perfect expertise, she knew that the embarrassment she'd suffered before wouldn't even compare. As she made it to the center of the track, Esme waved her over. "Good morning, Bella. What would you like to start out with today?" she asked as she toyed with the whistle around her neck.

Bella looked around for a moment. Doing anything near Rosalie or Emmett was out. Jacob was intimidating and she didn't want to push the friendly limits of Jasper too far. That left one option. "Do you think I could just warm up around the track?" Bella asked, watching as Alice neared. Esme too, turned and watched as Alice sprinted past them at a remarkable speed.

"She's a little speed demon, isn't she? I think she's Olympic worthy," Esme commented as Alice continued on. "But, sure, Bella, you can warm up on the track. Don't tire yourself out too much, okay?" She winked at Bella and Bella managed a weak smile. It was awkward being around Esme. She didn't really enjoy it. So to get away, Bella made her way over to the track. Running. Running should be simple, right? Taking a deep breath, Bella broke out into a relaxed jog. Exercising was stupid. Why was it required? It's not like this was school and she was going to get some sort of credit for it. There should be some sort of klutz doctor's note that got you out of P.E.

Bella chuckled to herself and quickened pace. So far so good and she was almost halfway around the track. Bella looked to the center of the track and noticed Rosalie eyeing her with beautiful contempt. Immediately, she lowered her head and focused on her feet. She would not trip in front of Rosalie. She just wouldn't. The sound of footsteps were heard and Bella looked back to see Alice running up to her. When she reached Bella, she slowed down to be even with her but did nothing else to acknowledge her. Bella glanced over at her and noticed the sheen of her chest from sweat. It was glistening in the sun and her breasts bounced ever so slightly with each step. Bella gulped and looked away. Alice exhaled sharply and Bella realized that she waiting for her to say something.

"I-I'm sorry," Bella breathed. She hadn't realized how out of breath she was until she spoke. Now her throat felt as if it were on fire. She'd also noticed that Alice was slowly quickening pace and that she was following right along with her.

"It's okay, Bella. It' just…I've been here for awhile now. And it's best to just keep thoughts like that to yourself, you know?" Her tone was kind and forgiving. If Bella could breathe, she would have given a sigh of relief.

"Jasper told me the same thing. I'll try. I was out of place. I really am sorry."

Alice furrowed her brow and looked over at Bella. "Jasper spoke to you?"

"Yeah?"

"Wow that is an accomplishment. It took him three weeks to even look at me. Apology accepted, Bella. Let's not dwell on it anymore, shall we? Race to Esme?" Alice jerked her head forward a bit and Bella saw that Esme was half a track length away. She knew she wouldn't win but seeing Alice bounce up and down from any angle was bound to make her forget about her fatigue. So, without another word she took off towards Esme.

And fell flat on her face within three strides. Bella hissed as she sat up, feeling her palms and knees burning. She sat down on her bottom and examined her damages. Her hands were rubbed raw and both her knees were bleeding. She cursed out loud as Alice fell to her side, taking Bella's hands in hers. "Oh, Bella," she sighed as she looked at her hands, gently tracing around the wound. Bella managed a light laugh and looked away as her cheeks reddened.

"It's no big deal. I'm a klutz so this happens all of the time."

Alice giggled. "You know, I thought you had some clumsy tendencies when I first met you. The way you walked…so careful but unaware. I'm surprised you made it this far."

Bella scoffed, feigning shock and Alice rubbed her hands for a moment. They sat in silence for a few minutes and all the while the air became more humid to Bella. She couldn't help but focus on Alice's eyes while keeping her heaving chest in her peripherals. Alice stared back at her as well. And she seemed just as content sitting on the hard asphalt as Bella did. Suddenly, Alice's face twitched as she went into a half smile. It was almost like a knowing smile and Bella couldn't help but return. Taking a deep breath, Alice opened her mouth to speak. However, before she could, shouting erupted from the center of the track.

Both girls turned as Jacob leapt towards Emmett, tackling him to the ground. Rosalie screamed as Emmett hit the ground and began flailing beneath Jacob. With an insane sneer, Jacob wrapped is massive hands around Emmett's neck. Esme was screaming now as she raced over to Jacob. She placed a hand on his shoulder and he jerked it away before removing his hand and throwing her back onto the grass. In an instant Alice was on her feet, bolting towards Esme. Jasper was running to them as well. Bella got up too, but her legs felt numb. She could see Emmett's convulsing from this distance and the pale color in his cheeks. Rosalie was sitting on the green ball with her face in her hands, shaking her head violently. Jasper finally reached the two and he grabbed both of Jacob's shoulders, wrenching him to the ground and tearing him away from Emmett.

Emmett didn't move from the ground as Jacob and Jasper wrestled on the ground. Three orderlies had made their way over and were helping to restrain Jacob as one gave aid to Emmett. Finally Bella's legs seemed to move and she ran over to the scene. As she came over, Rosalie fainted onto the ground, catching someone's attention and aid. Jacob was subdued and seemed completely calm. Emmett was sitting upright and absolutely seething. Then she saw Alice sitting on the ground. She was helping Esme to sit up. Bella ran over to them and kneeled on the other side of Esme. She appeared to be extremely dizzy and blood was pouring from her nose. The sight made Bella sick but nausea was the furthest from her mind. "Here, help her stay upright," Alice commanded as she leaned Esme into Bella's arms. When she was secured, Alice tore off her tank top and placed it to Esme's nose, hushing her softly as she applied pressure.

Bella leaned back on the grass, watching everyone. It was like an apocalyptic scene from a movie. Everything was in slow motion and everyone was in trouble. She began to feel lightheaded and looked over as someone stood up. It was Jasper. He was sweating profusely and looking around, wide eyed. Bella had never seen such fear in anyone before and just the sight of him terrified her. He made eye contact with her for a moment before he turned and ran his hands through his hair. His fingers tightened around his scalp and with a loud scream he jerked his head away, pulling away a handful of hair. Bella let out a loud gasp and watched as Jasper fell to his knees, pounding at the ground. The last thing Bella made out was Carlisle sprinting across the field towards them all. Then everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

Dammit

The first thing Bella heard was humming. However, as her eyes fluttered open and adjusted to the light, the sound stopped. She groaned. The back of her head was throbbing and moaning against the pressure of the pillow beneath it. She turned it to the side and side, rubbing her eyes. When she pulled her hands away, she gave a light gasp. Alice had been mere inches from her face. She quickly withdrew upon hearing Bella's gasp but smiled kindly, placing a hand on Bella's head.

"How do you feel?" she asked as Bella pulled the covers further up to her shoulders. Bella exhaled slowly. She felt rested, but somehow off. Her head was aching though. What happened?

"Uh…okay. What'd I miss?" she asked, thinking she'd just taken a nap for an awful headache.

"You mean you don't remember?" Alice's brow creased slightly and Bella shook her head.

"Vaguely. My gut instinct is telling me that it wasn't good though," Bella answered. Alice rolled her eyes in a contemplative manner and pursed her lips. She appeared to be looking for the appropriate thing to say and that only made Bella more nervous. Alice's lips then turned into a sly smiled and she giggled.

"Let's just say…Rosalie's pretty well pissed," Alice said before breaking into a louder giggle. The color drained from Bella's face and she croaked her next question.

"A-at me?" Alice nodded. "Why?

"Because your fainting spell was real. If you don't remember, Rosalie fainted right along with you. But she couldn't hold on the façade as long as you did."

For a moment Bella contemplate what Rosalie would do to her the next time they came in contact. However before she could ask, another thought crept into her mind. "And…why did I pass out?"

"I don't know why you passed out, Bella. I'm not psychic or something. Oh wait…psychic sees the future. What's that other one?"

"Telepathic?"

"That one," Alice responded, snapping her bone-thin fingers, the sound echoing for a moment in the room. Bella sighed and folded her hands together. What the crap had happened. Alice was being her usual vague and nonsensical self. And while Bella usually thought it was cute, it was starting to bug her now. She felt like she had amnesia and her parents had hired a clown to tell her about her life. The thought of Alice as a clown made her giggle out loud and she was pulled from her thoughts as Alice cocked her head at her.

"Are you okay? You're acting a little…out of it. But, I guess that's to be expected in here, huh?" She laughed again and scratched her head. Bella gasped as the vision of Jasper ripping his blonde curls from his scalp came into view. Then it all came flooding back to her, drowning her in what she had wanted to forget. Jacob with his hands around Emmett's thick neck, Rosalie screaming, Esme falling to the ground and Alice running. And then…Jasper. She'd never seen Jasper so angry. She'd never seen anyone so angry. Her vision focused on his head again. Ripping his hair out flashed before her dozens of times. Each time it did she saw something new. The most prominent thing she noticed was the red stains on the tips of Jaspers fingers.

Bella quivered, her breath coming out staccato in the silent room. She pulled her knees to her chest and squeezed them tightly, begging for some kind of comfort from it. The bed shifted on her right but she made no attempt to acknowledge it. Then she felt Alice's warm breath on her arm and felt herself being pulled. Alice had wrapped her arm around her shoulders and was now leaning her own head against Bella's. Bella's eyes closed as they made contact and she relaxed into the comfort. Though she'd made no previous sound to instigate it, Alice hushed into Bella's ear and rocked them slowly for a few moments.

"Stuff like that happens around here. It's rare…but it happens. And each time it gets better. You get used to it, you know?" Alice gently murmured.

"No, I don't know," Bella said, shaking her head. Alice exhaled and Bella felt goosebumps rising on her arms.

"You will. It's different for everyone."

"But…how could he just…change like that?" Bella lifted her head from her knees, turning to Alice with wide eyes.

"He doesn't know what he's doing," Alice answered, brushing Bella's hair behind her ears. "None of us know what we're doing when we're…"

"But he could have killed Emmett."

"That chance was and is very rare. We're very much protected here."

"What's with this, 'we' stuff? I don't flip shit and scare the hell out of people?" Bella said, glaring at Alice. Her face fell slightly at Bella's words and she looked away, down towards the bed. Slowly, she retracted her arms and chose to move away from Bella. Though she had only moved an inch or two away, Bella still felt terrible. Alice may just as well have slapped her and jumped out of the window; Bella would feel the same. They sat in silence for a few moments, both of them absently playing with their hands. Bella didn't know what to say. She never did. And if she did, it was the wrong thing. The only thing she could do was sit there and be thankful that Alice hadn't cussed her out and left yet.

Then Alice shifted, her shoulders falling as she sighed heavily. She turned and Bella could see from her peripheral that she was looking her way. And yet Bella couldn't bring herself to look back. "You scared the hell out of me when you passed out," she whispered. Bella licked her lips and hung her head. Dammit.

"Rosalie scared me too when she passed out. But then I remembered who she was and I didn't care anymore. We should get ready. Group starts in half an hour." And then she was gone, completely indifferent once more. Bella heard the door shut softly behind her and began to cry. She didn't know why. And she really didn't care much at this point. She just needed release. She needed release. She needed release.

Bella jerked her head up, her breathing growing rapid. Her eyes darted hastily around the room, searching for something, anything. Her wrists were burning and itching. They helped, but not much. She needed more. Leaning over, she pulled open the drawer to her bedside table. The only thing inside of it was a bible. Bella scoffed and slammed it shut. The wheels were well oiled and the drawer slammed quickly and loudly, smacking the wood with a bite. Bella glanced at it, then pulled it open. She threw it shut again and winced at the sound. Then she did it again, and again and again. Her breathing slowed. She'd never done anything like this. Nothing this major with the exception of her attempted suicide. She's always kept her feelings inside, letting them build up. She used to hate cutters. She still did and hated the idea in general. And yet the idea was so…tempting to her. The drawer called out to her, the loud bang a siren's call.

Slowly, she slid off of the bed and onto her knees. She winced as they were tender and remembered her fall on the track. Bella stared at the drawer for a few moments then held her left hand up to her face. Her fingers were long, bony…and pale. Her nails were short and nubby due to years of gnawing at them and she grimaced at the sight, flinging her hand away in disgust. It slapped against the furniture and her eyes darted back towards it. With a deep breath, she opened the drawer. She looked at her hand one more time, giving it a final glare, and placed her fingers on the inside. Then she stood up. Her thigh was now even with her hand. Closing her eyes, she slammed the door shut, then cried out in pain. She retracted her hand quickly. Her hand was burning. Bella felt tears brimming her eyes and she looked down at it again. It was a fiery red. She felt it pulsating beneath her skin, fire running through the nearer veins. Then she closed her eyes, her lips forming into a grin as she sighed happily.

Each pulse, each spasm lifted a weight off of her shoulders. She felt lighter, yet fuller. It was an indescribable feeling. And she hated it. She hated it and she loved it. Bella looked down again at her hand. It was swelling rapidly. A few of her fingers were bleeding around the knuckles and her ring finger looked to be crooked. Broken, maybe? Bella didn't know. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Without thinking, Bella jabbed her hand into the pocket of her athletic shorts, hissing at the sting, and turned to face the door. It opened without a single sound and Alice's spiky head poked through.

She looked around for a moment before she smiled politely at Bella.

"Are you ready to go? Group is about to start," she said kindly, her eyes roaming Bella, noticing that she hadn't changed. Bella looked down as well at her shorts and t-shirt. She didn't look too disheveled.

"Yeah, I'll meet you there. Just let me grab my hoodie," she answered, smiling back at Alice. The pixie nodded once and swiftly shut the door. Bella breathed a sigh of relief as she grabbed her jacket at the end of the bed. Despite her careful pace, her hand still ached terribly as she wove her arm through the sleeve. However, once it was in, she nestled her hand securely in the large pocket and let it rest there. It didn't help the pain much but it did conceal the evidence. No one would have to know, and she certainly wouldn't do it again. Wiping the last tear from her eye, she headed out the door towards group.

When she walked into the room, she saw that it was just Alice sitting in the room. She looked at the clock and noticed they were a bit early before she took her seat on Alice's left. Alice smiled kindly at her just before Emmett walked in with Carlisle following behind. He sat in the seat one away from Bella and Bella couldn't help but stare at the large abrasions on his neck. Jacob's fingers were perfectly etched into his skin in a violet shade. Emmett noticed her staring and shot a glare at her. His expression was even more nerve-wracking than his injury and Bella quickly looked away. He snorted furiously and shot his glance towards Carlisle.

At about that moment Rosalie walked in. She was wearing overly large sunglasses and a big hat. Bella didn't know why, nor did she care. But, seeing Rosalie had caused her to remember Alice's mentioning of the fact that she was pissed at her. Rosalie stopped as she turned her head in Bella's direction. Bella could pretty much feel the death upon her as she experienced Rosalie's death glare. As if on cue, her hand and wrists began throbbing. This only confirmed Bella's notions that Rosalie was Lucifer in the flesh. Much to everyone's surprise, however, Rosalie quickly resumed walking and took the seat next to Bella. Alice shifted in her seat as she sat. A short time of silence passed before Carlisle cleared his throat.

"Well, this will be everyone for today," he began, his eyes roaming to the two empty chairs. Everyone seemed to stiffen as Carlisle took the cap off of his pen. "I shouldn't have to tell you what we're discussing today. Who wants to start?" he asked coldly, not bothering to look up from his papers. Bella stared at him. He seemed a mix of melancholy and rage. It didn't seem like a good combination. She looked at the chairs again. Jasper and Jacob weren't coming. She wondered where they were. The thought of them locked in one of those straightjackets in a padded room came to mind. She quickly shook it away, however. Wherever Jasper and Jacob were, they were safe and far, far away from each other. That was all that mattered to Bella right now. That and the hope that Rosalie didn't have a shank hidden in her hat.

No one spoke for a few moments. Everyone seemed too afraid or too pissed to open their mouths. This group would not go well. Bella's eyes began to water at the throbbing of her hand. Maybe if group could continue on this way, it would end early. Then she would be able to nurse her hand. However, Alice spoke up just seconds after Bella had this notion.

"I have a joke," she stated proudly, eying Carlisle. Bella watched as Carlisle's stone expression broke into a soft grin. The mood brightened instantly as Carlisle nodded.

"Go ahead, Alice."

"Okay, here it is: What does a fish say when he runs into a wall?" She paused for a moment, scanning the room to receive everyone's shrugs of 'I dunno.' Bella was pleasantly surprised to see Rosalie and Emmett both giving Alice their attention and participation. Alice snickered, waving her hand in the air to calm herself before speaking again. "What does a fish say when he runs into a wall? Dam." She then exploded into a massive fit of giggles. Bella followed along, chuckling as Rosalie shook her head. Surprisingly, Emmett chuckled just a bit, rubbing the bit of stubble on his chin. Carlisle gave a soft clap, sitting up in his chair.

"Way to lighten the mood. And that's a very cute joke. Now, let's talk about yesterday-

"I'd love to," Rosalie interjected, silencing Carlisle with her icy grin and standing to address the group. "Personally, I feel very victimized and vulnerable after yesterday. I mean, look at what happened to poor Emmett. Who's to say that I'm not next? I think we should move to increase security so that I can sleep peacefully at night." Finished with her speech, she sat down, satisfied. Bella thought seriously about scoffing but thought against it. Alice most likely didn't hear it as she was still snickering about her fish joke. Emmett had gone back to being perpetually angry and Carlisle was writing. Overall, no one seemed to really care about what she'd said.

"Very good, Rosalie," Carlisle said blandly, finishing his scribbling. "Bella, let's go to you now. Why did you pass out?" All eyes were on her, clearly interested. Even Rosalie's cold stone eyes were burning holes into her skin. Bella felt her cheeks reddening as the pain in her hand increased. She touched it lightly. It had swollen even more.

"I…I don't know," she began weakly.

"She didn't even remember it this morning," Alice chimed it, placing her hand over Bella's as she leaned forward in her chair. "I had to help her remember."

"Do you remember it now, Bella?" Carlisle asked. She gave a weak nod. "What feelings do you remember before you passed out?"

"I…uh, there was fear and anxiety. And…it was really hard to breath." Bella closed her eyes. She could still feel Rosalie glaring at her and it made her unbelievably uncomfortable.

"Why were you scared?" Carlisle questioned. It caused Bella to open her eyes again and this time Rosalie was nearer to her, leaning in ever so slightly.

"B-because I thought Jacob was going to kill Emmett."

"Runs With Faggots wouldn't have killed me," Emmett said loudly, slowly craning his neck over to Bella to further emphasize his point. Thinking it was better to ignore him, Bella continued.

"And then Esme fell and Rosalie fainted and…I guess I just got…overwhelmed," she finished with an exhale.

"You got overwhelmed?" Rosalie asked, leaning over more. Bella still continued to stare straight ahead. "You got overwhelmed? What about me? I passed out first. You're nothing but a fake. Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you!" Rosalie shouted, harshly shoving into Bella's left arm. The shove pushed down hard on her wrist and Bella screamed as the throes of her hand attacked her entire left side. Rosalie's hands were gone instantly and the room had gone quiet. Bella couldn't tell what was going on. Her eyes were too blurry from the tears. She began to cry. She couldn't help it. Her hand hurt too badly.

Then Bella felt someone grasp her left arm. The touch was unlike Rosalie's. It was tender and careful. It gently tugged on her arm and Bella had no choice but to let her hand slide out. There was a gasp and Bella looked down at her hand. Though her vision was still blurry, Bella could tell that her hand was definitely purple. The bleeding of her fingers was caked all over her hand and it was stiff to move. She didn't even want to try. There was a loud thump and Bella watched as Rosalie fell to the floor. She had 'passed out' again and Emmett was down next to her, gently patting her cheeks. All of the noises molded into one. All that Bella could hear was a droning hum. She looked at her hand again and started to feel dizzy. Oh no, she couldn't pass out in front of Rosalie again. That was messing with the bull for sure.

"Bella," Carlisle directed, his voice clear above the hum, "stand up." Bella did as she was told, though she was a bit wobbly on her feet. Someone grabbed her shoulders to steady her and she heard Carlisle's voice again. "Come with me, Bella. We've lots of mending to do." Bella nodded, watching as he walked out of the room. Then she turned to the side to face her balancer. Alice smiled calmly at her before gently pushing her in the doctor's direction. Bella took a few clumsy steps and was soon out the door, following behind a very un-amused Dr. Cullen.


	6. Chapter 6

Icy Smooth

Carlisle turned into his office and opened the door briskly, standing aside to allow Bella in first. She meekly walked through the door and he followed, halfway slamming it behind him. Bella jumped at the sound and her heart began racing. A small gust of air brushed past her arm as Carlisle walked past her and headed to his desk, wrenching a drawer open. Bella resisted the urge to gasp and simply watched as he searched through the drawer. "Sit," he commanded a few seconds later before heading over to his phone and calling someone. His voice was flat but there was definitely an undertone of malice. However Bella did as she was told and sat down as Carlisle pulled something out of the drawer and headed over to her. She realized now that he was carrying a little zip up case. Not wasting time to look her in the eyes, he sat on the adjacent coffee table and extended his hand for her arm. Bella slowly gave it to him and was pleasantly surprised when he took it with the utmost gentility.

"This is broken in several different places," he sighed, gently pushing down on it. Though it was tender, it still ached and Bella restrained a hiss as the tears continued to run down her cheeks. Carlisle appeared not to notice as he took some gauze and what Bella assumed was alcohol out of the case. "However, I can't do much until the swelling's gone down. I can just clean the flesh wounds."

"Thank you," Bella meekly responded. Carlisle nodded once as the gauze touched her wounds. He slid them lightly over the scrapes and Bella refrained from pulling her hand away.

"You know, Bella, self mutilation rarely happens here. I'm surprised it happened with you at all…let alone after only a few days." Bella didn't respond and Carlisle sighed again. "I don't know how much your family told you about Westmoreland but we're not exactly a conventional institution. I don't believe all that firmly in medicinal treatment. While it helps sometimes, it's not the best way. Humans only use ten percent of their minds. There's no reason why the answer to mental disorders shouldn't be found within themselves somewhere." It seemed as if he were talking to himself so Bella remained quiet. However, the fact that Dr. Cullen was talking to himself didn't really offer much comfort that she would be cured of whatever she had. He finished with her hand and let it fall before moving to sit in the armchair across from her.

"Esme's coming with the ice."

"Do you…do you think maybe I could have an aspirin or something?" Bella asked tentatively, noting her aching hand.

"No," Carlisle answered flatly. "Forgive me if all of this sounds rude but I think given what you've already put yourself through, you can reap the beneficial consequences, right?"

"Huh?" Bella was having difficulty understanding, or listening for that matter. Her hand had become very distracting.

"You slammed your hand. Your hand would prefer not to be slammed. It wants to tell you so. It's doing so now through pain. The least you can do is listen to it." Carlisle spoke lazily, as if he were bored with her and Bella felt her cheeks heating up. He was lounging languidly in his chair. It was silent between them. Bella watched Carlisle intently and for a moment his eyes darted in her direction. Before more could be done, a light tap was heard on the other side of the door. Bella turned her head as Esme walked in. She walked slowly, as if she were dizzy and as she got nearer Bella saw that her nose was a bit swollen and looked to be bruising. Carlisle rose as she came nearer and gave her a peck on the cheek as he took the ice pack from her hand. He then whispered something in her ear to which she shook her head. Carlisle nodded and she left again without even glancing Bella's way. Carlisle then turned to her and handed her the pack. Bella applied it to her hand and sighed at the feeling.

"So, Bella, have you learned your lesson?" Carlisle asked as he resumed his seat.

"Learned my lesson for what?"

"What are you nursing right now?"

Bella looked down at her hand and blushed. Carlisle ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward. "Bella, doing things like that won't get you attention around here. When you leave this room, no one will mention it or show sympathy or anything of the sort. Why would they?"

"So much for compassion," Bella mumbled, hanging her head. Carlisle straightened in his chair, intrigued.

"Oh, you think you deserve compassion for this injury?"

"Well…something would be-

"Did you fall and break your wrist?"

"No,"

"Did someone else break it?"

"No,"

"Who did it?"

"…I did,"

"By accident?"

"…No,"

"Then tell me, if this was what you wanted, why should we feel sorry for you?"

Bella felt the pressure welling behind her eyes. Why was he being such a jerk? Because he was right. He was right and it hurt. Bella adjusted the ice pack and sniffled into the quiet office. Carlisle reached into his pocket for a pen and began to write on a notebook that was on the coffee table. "So, now that that's settled, let's look at the facts. You decided to hurt yourself rather than talk to someone about what was wrong. Now you're sitting in this office with a broken hand and what you assume is an asshole doctor. Does hurting yourself seem beneficial at all here?"

"No, sir,"

"Good, let's not do it again." Then it was as if his whole demeanor had changed. He was the same kind Dr. Carlisle Cullen that she'd first met. "Now, let's talk about why you did what you did. What happened that cause you to want this…release?" Bella licked her lips and adjusted the pack again. Carlisle didn't appear to be in the mood for testing so she relaxed into the couch and crossed one leg over the other.

"It…I just got here. And it seems like everything's been happening so fast. It's just been a lot to handle for the first few days." Carlisle nodded, writing for a few seconds before he set it down and clasped his hands together.

"So, tell me about Alice. How are you two getting along?"

"Ugh, she's amazing!" Bella half shouted, rolling her eyes. "I mean, she's the only one who's taken the time to make sure I was adjusted… that I was okay, you know?"

"Would you consider the two of you friends?"

"Well, I don't know. I mean, I would but I don't know how she feels about me. Alice is a little hard to read, you know?"

Carlisle chuckled, "Yes, she can be a bit enigmatic. When Alice is fully lucid, though, how would you say she feels about you?"

"I hope that she likes me."

"Do you like any of the other people you've met?"

"I haven't really met them much."

"Everything in here is strictly confidential, Bella. Just tell me what you think from what you've already experienced."

Bella sighed and looked down at her hand. The swelling looked to be getting a bit better, but it was a slow process. She squeezed her ice pack and watched the water swirl around the cubes. "Do be honest they scare me a little bit."

"Would you care to elaborate, please?"

"I…I'm not trying to be judgmental. I mean, who am I to judge, right?" Bella asked, remembering her cafeteria conversation with Alice. "But, Rosalie seems to be out to get me since I fainted. Jacob just snapped and I'm afraid that the next time he does I'll be the one closest to him. Emmett's just…self explanatory and Jasper…. Jasper seemed really nice. He talked to me before we went outside yesterday. He was well spoken and kind. But then he just snapped. I remember looking at him and being really and truly afraid. I've never had that feeling before. I just…I just don't want to be next."

"You don't feel safe here at Westmoreland, then?"

"Only at certain times. I mean, you're obviously at group, you know when that tension rises. And what if Alice won't be there to calm us back down?"

"You think Alice eases the tension?"

"Well, she has for the two groups I've gone to. Everyone seems to like her. But, who couldn't?" Bella smiled lazily but it faltered when she saw Carlisle's brow furrow. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, Bella, you didn't say anything wrong. I'd like to talk more about Alice."

"Okay,"

Carlisle licked his lips and picked up his notebook again. He didn't scribble in it but just held it in his lap as if it comforted him. "Bella, do you have an attraction other that camaraderie towards Alice?" Bella frowned, taking in his words. She'd understood them well. But she didn't understand what her answer was to be. To save time, she dumbly stalled.

"Do I think of Alice as something more than a friend?"

"Yes,"

"I don't…why would you think that?"

"Well, as was informed to you, there are cameras in each room. We have video surveillance of you on Alice's side of the room during the middle of the night."

"I was tucking her back in. Her covers fell," Bella defended almost too quickly. She closed her mouth for a moment, regaining her composure. Regardless of how she felt for Alice, she didn't want a new roommate. Especially if said roommate was to be Rosalie. Carlisle nodded understandingly.

"That's fine, then. If that was all you were doing. From the video it appeared that you also caressed her cheek."

"I was…making sure she wasn't too cold," Bella answered lamely. Carlisle sighed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. He appeared to be trying not to offend her and for that Bella was grateful.

"Alright, Bella, here's the thing: whatever goes on between you and Alice is your business. We don't judge here. However there are some laws that would require us to move you two out of the same room. So, I'd like your complete honesty. Do I need to move you or Alice to a different room?"

"No, Alice and I are just friends," Bella responded as defiantly as she could. Carlisle, however, didn't seem all that convinced. However, he appeared to want to believe her. Despite his interesting methods, Bella knew that he was a caring, understanding man. And if he wanted to believe her, there was no reason why she shouldn't try a bit harder. "Look, Dr. Cullen, Alice is the only person I'm really comfortable with here. I can't say that I want to hurt myself again but if you take me away from the only friend I have here, who's to say that I won't try again? And if you let me stay, I promise you will see no more self inflicted damage from me. I'll come to someone else instead."

Carlisle smiled softly at her words and shook his head. "Well, Bella, don't make a fool out of me," he said, standing.

"I won't, Carlisle," Bella promised as she stood as well. Carlisle motioned towards the door and she followed him to it. When he opened it for her, he rested against it for a moment.

"Well, Bella, I hadn't planned on speaking with you but you are scheduled for tomorrow at around four. If you forget Esme will bring you, okay? And when the swelling goes down, come find me here or Esme and we'll get you casted, okay? In the meantime keep the ice on it and try not to move it too much, okay?"

"Okay, see you then," Bella replied before heading out the door.

As she felt the door close behind her Bella felt a great weight leaving her. Seeing Carlisle had actually helped her. Never in a million years would she have thought that this place would actually make her feel better. She never thought she would have met someone like Alice. She never thought she would have been happy. She then bumped into someone which knocked her out of her daze. The person she ran into didn't fall but they appeared to be extremely annoyed. Bella noticed that they'd dropped a blood pressure cuff and she was quick to pick it up and handed it to…Esme. Esme was standing in front of her and when they both noticed each other, both drew back a bit.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Esme, I didn't see you," Bella said as she noticed Esme's bruised nose again.

"That's okay, Bella, just be more careful next time," she answered, not smiling. Not smiling. Holy crap Esme was not smiling. Bella almost gasped at the sight. This was a sight she wasn't used to seeing and now that she had, she didn't like it. She used to hate Esme's lingering grin but now that it was gone, Bella couldn't deny that she missed it.

"A-are you okay, Esme?" Bella asked, cautiously placing a hand on the nurse's shoulder. Esme did smile lamely at this and nodded.

"I'm fine, honey, and thank you. My nose is just hurting."

"I bet it would be. You look like a football star or something," Bella said, causing Esme to giggle softly.

"Yes, Carlisle wants me to go home but I just can't leave you guys."

"You're some trooper, Esme."

"Thank you, Bella, I'll take that as a compliment," she responded before heading back down the hall. Bella watched her go and smiled to herself. She'd been stupidly wrong about this place. Esme was nice, not deceitful. Carlisle was compassionate, not greedy. Everyone seemed to be who they truly appeared to be. Especially Alice. She couldn't wait to see her again and added a faster skip to her step on the way to her room. After talking with Carlisle Bella realized just how much she did enjoy her company. And talking about her had made her want to see her even more.

However, upon reaching their room, Bella discovered that Alice wasn't there. Slightly disheartened, she shut the door and headed in anyways. She didn't want to risk searching for her and running into Rosalie so she thought she'd pass the time looking at Alice's side of the room. Alice had several assorted items scattered all over her side. Bella had never really noticed them before but now that she had some time, they looked very interesting. Against the far wall was a rather obscure poster. Bella didn't really know what to make of it. But it was cool. On top of the shelf of her bed was a jewelry box, a stack of paper and a few writing utensils. It didn't really interest her much so she climbed off of the bed and sat down. As she sat, she noticed that the drawer to Alice's bedside table was slightly open. Casually, Bella peeked in and noticed the same black cover of the sketchbook. Bella looked at it longingly for a few minutes, her hand creeping dangerously closer towards it. Whenever her hands finally grazed the familiar wood, the door burst open.

Bella shot off of the bed, landing in the middle of the room. The ice pack that was resting on her hand fell to the floor and burst all over it. Bella felt her cheeks reddening as Alice giggled and stepped in. "Hey, emo, what've you been doing?" she asked as she stepped into the cool water and bent down to pick up an ice cube.

"I-I was just sitting…waiting for you," Bella answered nervously. Alice nodded and looked at the ice cube in her hand before popping it into her mouth.

"Ew," Bella said immediately, "that's been on the floor, Alice."

"Don't worry, Bella, I don't get sick." Alice flashed a smile before biting down on the ice, the crunching sound loud through the room. "So, how was your visit to Carlisle? Is your hand okay?" She stepped forward, her eyes focused on Bella's bandaged and swollen hand. Bella lifted it, watching as Alice's eyes followed, and outstretched it towards her.

"It's broken but they can't do anything until the swelling goes down. Hence the ice pack." Bella gestured to the floor and noticed Alice as barefoot. Her little toes bounced up and down in the spilled water as she examined Bella's hand without touching it.

"It looks really cool," she said before hopping on her bed. "So, guess what Rosalie thinks about your hand injury?"

"What?"

"She thinks you're doing it for attention. I mean, I guess you were but to hear it from her is just hilarious." Alice fell back onto the bed, throwing her legs in the air and laughing a bit. Bella watched her and shook her head. When Alice finished laughing she sat up on her bed and glanced at her sketchbook. Then her eyes narrowed just a bit. "You didn't…look at this, did you?" She pulled open the drawer. Bella's cheeks reddened but she was thankful that she was able to answer honestly.

"No, Alice, I would never."

"Good, this is for a schizo's eyes only," she said, slamming the drawer shut again. Bella cringed at the sound and Alice tilted her head to the side just a bit. "So, what'd you and Carlisle talk about? Me, right?" She giggled. Bella giggled as well and sighed as she looked towards the camera.

"We didn't talk about much. We just talked about why I hurt my hand and if I liked you as a roommate."

"Do you like me as a roommate?" Alice's eyes were wide and hopeful, as if she really didn't know the answer.

"Of course I do, Alice. You're great," Bella affirmed, still looking up at the camera. "Those cameras don't have sound, do they?" she asked. Alice turned her head and stared at the camera too.

"I wouldn't think so. I mean, it doesn't so much matter what we talk about. It's the actions we do that freak them out."

"Got that right," Bella scoffed. Alice's eyes narrowed and she rose from the bed to head over to Bella again.

"Why do you say that? What were you caught doing by that naughty camera?" Alice teased, looking desperately irresistible with that smirk. She was also dangerously close to Bella's right side. Bella tried not to focus too much on it and stared straight ahead though she could feel the pixie's eyes pouring into her.

"I-I wasn't doing anything. I was just…tucking you in?"

Alice stopped smirking for a moment and looked up at Bella. Bella allowed their eyes to meet as that menacing gaze was no longer in Alice's eyes. "Why were you tucking me in?"

"Um, you're blanket fell off. I put it back on and they freaked out."

"What, are they thinking you're gay or something?"

"Or something," Bella swallowed hard.

"Hmm," Alice thought for a moment, putting her hand to her chin. "Do you know what would be funny, Bella?"

"N-no,"

"If we gave Carlisle and Esme a little something else to worry about."

Bella looked over at her again. "What are you talking about?"

Alice shrugged innocently and stepped even closer to Bella. She was now pressing her torso firmly into Bella's side. Bella's breathing hitched and she felt Alice's hand come up to the back of her head. Alice pulled Bella's head down and Bella saw that they were just inches apart. "This'll make them flip," Alice murmured, locking onto Bella's eyes. Bella considered nodding but was too frozen to do anything but stare, mouth slightly agape. Alice then smiled and closed her eyes, leaning closer. Bella watched her pouting lips move closer and closer. Just when she thought it was safe to close her eyes, Alice pulled away. She pulled Bella close to her to look behind her at the camera. From there she proceeded to make the 'V' sign with her fingers and stuck her tongue through it. She then laughed before scooping another piece of dirtied ice into her mouth. "I'm gonna go get some more ice," she said through full cheeks before heading out the door.

"I need some ice," Bella sighed, placing her hand to her burning cheeks.


	7. Chapter 7

Attack of the Zombies

A week. It had been a week since the entire ordeal. The entire ordeal being Bella's hand injury and Alice's…Alice-ness. And in that week's time, Bella had tried to the best of her abilities to ignore Alice. It wasn't that she wanted to; she just thought that it was for the best. Her feelings for Alice were clearly unrequited. Alice was just nice and exuberant and compassionate. She was not in to Bella. And though it hurt Bella to come to this realization, she couldn't say she wasn't grateful for putting an end to the charade so soon. She couldn't imagine what would have happened had she led herself for even longer. However, she couldn't deny the fact that staying at Westmoreland was starting to feel a lot less comfortable.

Without Alice dominating her every thought and action, Bella was really starting to feel out of place. As it turned out, going to group wasn't mandatory. Bella had figured that out at their next meeting when Jasper or Jacob hadn't returned. Alice had gone out of her way to tell her that it wasn't required that they be there. As a result, Bella hadn't gone since then. Though she'd only been a few times, group didn't seem particularly beneficial. What was the point of just sitting there, listening to everyone else's problem without getting any real satisfaction from it? She'd much rather just talk to someone one-on-one. However, since she'd stopped coming to group, Carlisle had also not seen her. In fact, she hadn't seen him since the hand injury. Bella glanced down at her hand. It was now in a plain, white plaster cast. However, upon looking at it, she should have chosen red. Because then she would have looked like Hellboy. Because it was her hand that was injured, they had really bulked up the cast around it. So now, she looked like she had a mega huge fist. Though she could definitely imagine doing some serious damage with it, it was more embarrassing than anything.

Alice was the one that had first mentioned the Hellboy thing. Bella had never seen the movie so Alice was quick to rip out a sheet from her sketchbook and draw a picture of him. The picture came out quite well and Bella commented on Alice's drawing skills. The pixie then blushed, shook her head, and ripped the picture into little pieces before chunking them into the trash and storming out of the room. That was three days ago. And though Alice had forgiven her the next time they came across each other (which was in the hall, where Alice gave her a random hug before giggling off somewhere) Bella still felt a bit strange about it all. Alice, didn't seem like she belonged here. Other than being a little random, Bella couldn't sense that there was much wrong with the girl. The one spell she had the first night that Bella was there was the only one Bella knew of. And that was weeks ago. And even then, with all things considering, it was relatively normal. Bella could remember the several times she'd woken up from nightmares and proceeded to freak out until she regained her surroundings.

The thought had planted a little bug in her ear? Alice had been here for years. She seemed relatively normal and knew how to handle every single patient. She had to be bluffing… or at least over- dramatizing her situation. There was definitely something more to this girl than schizophrenia. And Bella was determined to find out what it was. The only hitch was that if Bella was avoiding her, how could she really get all of the information she needed? It was indeed a catch-22. Not to mention the fact that interacting more than necessary with Alice would result in more unrequited feelings. Bella huffed loudly, rolling over in bed so that she was facing the wall. She was officially…way too bored. Seriously, could there be nothing more going on in her life other than Alice and sneaky plans involving her? Apparently there wasn't, as it was now a quarter till eight pm and she was still lying in bed, contemplating.

But what else was there to contemplate? Her shithole of a life? Yes, she could always think of the crappy life she had. Even as Bella joked about it in her mind she began to feel sad. There didn't seem to be any hope in the outside world for her. And this place didn't seem to be doing her any good either. Smiling sadly, Bella glanced at her plastered hand. It'd been a week since she went to therapy and a week since she'd spoken to Carlisle. Even in a mental hospital no one cared about her. Was her life really that lame? As Bella sighed angrily for the millionth time, there was a small knock at her door. Before Bella could respond to the noise, the door opened, revealing Alice. She appeared to be shy upon this encounter and she gave a small smile as she entered the room. "Hey, Bella, are you feeling okay today? You haven't left the room all day."

Bella sat up in bed, revealing to Alice that she had indeed chosen to get dressed, but nothing more, and stretched. "I'm fine. It's just…one of those lazy days, you know?"

"No,"

"Oh…well, that's what it is."

"Okay. Well, anyways, the reason I'm here is that we're having movie night tonight. And it's my choice to pick the movie. Would you like to come?"

Bella thought for a moment as Alice closed the door behind her and waited patiently. She'd been having a pretty good time wallowing in her thoughts. Getting up now would seem like backtracking. As she was about to politely decline to Alice, she noticed a change in the pixie's expression. "Oh, please, Bella! I picked this movie out just for you. And it's a pajama movie night. And we're having popcorn! Popcorn, Bella!" Alice was bouncing up and down now, her hands clasped like that of a child witnessing a clown. What could Bella do? Agree to go, of course.

"Oh, fine then, you've convinced me," Bella answered as she slid out of bed, feeling the stiffness in her legs. Alice jumped a few feet in the air and did a fist pump before running to her dresser and pulling out a pair of pajama pants.

"Awesome! Thanks, Bella. But hurry, the movie starts soon and you still have to change into your jammies!" Bella rolled her eyes but complied nonetheless and in no time they were heading across the lawn to what Esme had called the recreation center. Alice had again looped her arm through Bella's and was practically trotting towards the center. Bella tried to keep up and remain balanced. As she stared at her feet, she noticed Alice's pajama pants. Pink ice cream cones…typical. The brunette couldn't help but laugh out loud, resulting in an amused glance from Alice. Bella ignored the look and instead looked at her own attire. Too long basketball shorts and a plain white t-shirt…she looked like a wigger or something. Maybe that was just because Alice looked so cute though. She didn't really know. Before she could really dwell on it, however, Alice had pulled open the door and allowed Bella to go in first.

Inside was that same hallway that was Bella's first experience of Westmoreland. It was still pretty, and it still smelled too sterile. Bella wrinkled her nose as Alice dragged her into a room. The room was big, but casual. There were three sofas surrounding the big screened TV and a few video game chairs in between them. Pillows and blankets were piled in the corner and several bowls of popcorn and assorted drinks were on the large coffee table in the middle. Rosalie and Emmett were occupying the couch on the right, splayed all over it in an ostentatious manner. As if no one knew they were potentially dating, if that was what it was called here. Emmett's neck appeared to have healed and he looked generally happy. Jasper was lounging on the couch to the left, looking quite angry. Bella stared at him for a moment. She hadn't seen him since the fighting incident. She could see where he'd ripped his hair out and looked away quickly. She felt his steel eyes on her as she looked to the floor. Jacob was relaxing in a video game chair, rocking quickly in it. His eyes were glued to the TV, though there was nothing but a blue screen on. Apparently, tensions were still a little high. However, upon seeing Alice, everyone greeted her warmly and she returned it. She then led Bella over to the couch in the middle, the best view of the TV. For a moment she wondered why this seat wasn't taken. She shot Alice a questioning glance and the pixie chuckled as she surveyed the jealous looking patients surrounding her.

"It's my turn to pick the movie. And whoever picks the movie gets the best couch. Rosalie got to pick last time and we watched some French movie with no subtitles. I didn't like it very much. Though I'm sure I would have had I understood it."

"Excuse me it was technically a Dutch movie. And Spoorloos is amazing. You all just don't understand the complexities of it," Rosalie shot from her place on the couch.

"Nor do we understand Dutch," Jacob murmured from the floor. Everyone giggled a bit at that as Rosalie fumed, muttering something in presumably Dutch towards him. Though, Bella could bet that it was just gibberish.

"Okay, okay, it doesn't matter now!" Alice chimed in, holding up a disk and bouncing towards the TV. "Because this movie is in English!" She laughed quietly as she inserted the disk and headed back over to the couch, sitting on the opposite side of Bella. There was a moment of silence as the DVD loaded and in that time, Alice decided to lie down on the couch, placing her feet in Bella's lap. Bella looked at them, and then looked at their owner and noticed that she was paying her no attention, her eyes glued to the screen. She looked at the feet again, and then laid her arm over them restfully. Again, Alice paid her no mind and Bella smiled as she leaned back against the cushions.

"All right, Hellboy!" Jacob shouted from the floor, throwing his fists in the air. Bella looked at the screen and confirmed Jacob's observation, shooting another glance over at Alice. This time, she was looking at her and she flashed a knowing smile before turning back to the screen to press play.

"I love Hellboy!" Emmett shouted, resulting in an eye-roll from Rosalie. Jacob turned towards Emmett and nodded thoughtfully.

"Dude, I know. The fire chick is so hot."

"Hell yeah, man," Emmett answered. Rosalie smacked him upside the head and they both then laughed. Bella looked back and forth between the two, wondering if they'd both forgotten the fact that they'd tried to kill each other. Apparently so, as once their laughing fit subsided they both returned to the movie. Shaking her head, Bella looked over at Jasper. He appeared to have fallen asleep already. His eyes were closed and his arms were crossed as he laid spread across the sofa. Bella smiled softly at him. There was something about Jasper that she liked. However, she had yet to decide if it was actual wonder or pity. Probably both, truth be told.

As the movie progressed, Alice shifted into several different positions. She went from lying to sitting to standing behind the couch to lying upside down on it. When there appeared to be only fifteen minutes left in the movie, Alice shifted again, this time laying her head in Bella's lap. Bella jumped, as she was watching the film and had gotten used to Alice's changing position. She looked down at Alice and again she was paying no attention to the fact that she had just violated someone's bubble. Alice most likely didn't have a bubble to understand personal invasion anyway. Yet, as invading as it was, it was also comforting. And with only a few minutes left in the movie, Bella decided to just let her stay. Just as she got back into the film, Bella subconsciously let her left arm fall on Alice's shoulder, as that was most comfortable. She quickly noticed her mistake but before she could move her hand, Alice grabbed it, pulling it closer towards her face. She gently let her fingers slide along the cast and giggled as she toyed with Bella's fingers which were jutting out from the plaster. Bella felt her cheeks reddening as she watched Alice's fascination. Have Alice touch her so gently was a little bit more distracting than the movie and she couldn't help but unearth those feelings just recently buried. Zombie feelings.

The movie ended a few minutes later and Alice let go of Bella's casted hand, sitting up to run her hands through her hair. It appeared to be a habit with her. Everyone got up almost instantly, Jasper included. Perhaps he hadn't been asleep after all. Alice rose from the couch and began to stretch, her shirt coming up again over her waist. Bella saw half of the little sun scar and smiled to herself as she sat up as well. Alice then turned to the table and proceeded to grab bowels and glasses. Bella followed suit, all the while she contemplated the evening. All in all, it had been a very pleasant evening. Maybe she wasn't giving this place enough credit. After all, Emmett and Jacob were acting like old pals and Jasper appeared to be pretty okay. Maybe she would go to group next time. Maybe. And maybe then Carlisle would speak to her one on one.

When they were finished cleaning Alice grabbed Bella's hand and proceeded to lead her out the door. As they were leaving, Bella glanced into a room on her right and noticed Carlisle was sitting in it, reading a thick book. "Oh, I'll meet you back at our room, Alice," Bella said quickly, letting go of Alice's hand. Without really waiting for a response, Bella turned into the room. Carlisle heard her entrance and put down his book, his hand on the page to keep the place.

"Hello, Bella, what can I do for you?"

"I was…just wondering why I haven't had a meeting or anything with you in about a week?" Bella blurted, rocking on her heels. She hadn't meant to be so forward about it, but word vomit was constant when she was nervous. Carlisle smiled softly.

"Well, Bella, you haven't been coming to group. And when someone doesn't come to group I figure they don't want to participate for some reason or another. So I choose not to invade when someone does that."

"But…what if I don't like group, but I like talking with you?"

"Well, then you come to me. Like you have, just now."

"So…do you think that tomorrow I could see you?"

"How about I make you a deal? If you go to group just once this week, we'll be sure to have a private meeting."

"Deal,"

"However, tomorrow, neither of those will be available."

Bella furrowed her brow. "Wait, there's no group tomorrow?" Carlisle shook his head as he stood, his finger still marking the page.

"Tomorrow is visitor's day. We wouldn't want that precious time wasted with group now would we? It's getting late, Bella. You should head back to your room. Get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow. I'd actually try to sleep too, not the usual toss and turn like you normally do. Because you will be having some guests tomorrow." He smiled again but it faltered as he studied Bella's expression. A worry line creased his forehead as he placed a hand on Bella's shoulder, asking if she was alright.

"I…I'm not required to see them, am I?" Bella asked, her voice quivering.

"You're not required to do anything," Carlisle soothed, "but I would think about it this evening. Seeing some familiar faces might do you good with healing. Though that decision is entirely up to you."

Bella nodded and Carlisle gave her shoulder a slight squeeze before stepping past her and heading into another room. She heard a door shut somewhere upstairs and closed her eyes tightly. She didn't want to see anyone. She didn't want to see a familiar face. She wanted to forget them all. She hated them all. Bella cursed under her breath for a moment before turning and heading briskly out the door. The night air hit her hard and she held her arms to her chest as she walked across the grounds to the hospital. A perfectly good evening ruined by one little comment. Stupid Dr. Cullen. He should have known how sensitive she was to subjects like that. She should go and break her foot now, just out of spite. For a moment she glanced up at the roof of the hospital, studying the height and how if would feel to jump from there, but she quickly shook the thought. Not tonight. The electronic doors opened swiftly for her and she was greeted with slightly warmer air.

The hallway was empty and for that she was thankful as she headed down it, eager to get to bed. She had no plans to sleep, however. Sleeping would only make tomorrow come faster and she couldn't have that. When she neared her door she paused and placed an ear to it. There was no sound coming from the room so she opened the door quietly, just in case Alice was sleeping. It was dark inside the room and Bella could see the mass of Alice under the covers so she tiptoed in. However, as she was trying her best to shut the door as silently as possible, she heard a noise coming from Alice's side of the room. She turned her head and focused on the noise. Within an instant, she realized that she was crying. Alice was crying. Cautiously, Bella took a few steps towards her bed, still tiptoeing.

"Alice?" she whispered, her voice sounding like a howl in the quiet room. "Are you okay, Alice?"

The figure under the covers jolted then rolled over. Bella now saw that Alice's head was entirely covered by her sheets, though she could tell that the girl was facing her now. Bella stepped forward again to where she had now reached Alice's bed, and reached out to place her hand on top of her covered head. "Alice, what's wrong?" She smiled softly. This situation would be completely comical if she weren't pining for Alice feel better about whatever was wrong with her. Alice then spoke and though it was muffled by the covered, Bella heard it perfectly clear.

"Y-you don't like me."

Bella blinked a few times. She knew she hadn't misheard, but surely that couldn't have been what she said. "Where'd you get that idea, Alice? Come on, take off the covers." Bella attempted to find the edge of the sheets to pull them off but Alice seemingly shook her head and crawled away from her.

"You don't like me! You've been avoiding me all week and then tonight…you just…let go of my hand and made me walk alone in the dark. You know I'm scared of the dark!" Bella, of course, had no idea that Alice was afraid of the dark. She also had no idea that Alice had picked up on anything that she'd been doing. The girl was always in her own world. How would she have known? Bella was now well aware that Alice was having a fit of some sort, possibly related to her disorder. So, she decided to take a different tactic.

"But, Alice, under the covers is dark. But there's light coming through our window here. Why don't you come out of there?" There were a few moments of silence. Then, Alice shuffled around for a moment before finally sticking her head out from under the covers. Bella smiled gently at her and helped her to sit up, wiping the tears from her cheeks. Alice allowed her to do so for a few seconds before she jerked her head away quickly.

"You don't like me," she repeated. "No one likes me."

"Alice, everyone likes you…especially me," Bella whispered, attempting to touch her cheek again. Alice turned to face her, eyes wide and hopeful.

"R-really?"

"Of course," Bella answered as she cleared the remaining tears. What's not to like, Alice?"

"T-then why have you been avoiding me?"

"I didn't know I was. But if you ever want to spend some time with me, just ask." Alice smiled softly, shaking her head.

"I don't need your sympathy time or whatever."

"It's not sympathy time. I like spending time with you."

"Really? That's great! Because I like spending time with you, too!" Alice was beaming now and Bella couldn't help but laugh a little. This girl wore her out. Alice breathed what appeared to be a sigh of relief before throwing her arms around Bella. "Thanks, Bella. I can get to sleep now!" She pulled away and gave Bella a peck on the cheek before crawling back under the covers to go to sleep. Utterly numb, yet fuzzy at the same time, Bella wobbled back to her bed and laid down. Confused as all get out she went to sleep, deciding that it was better to have the arrival of visitors coming sooner rather than staying up and contemplating what the hell just happened.


	8. Chapter 8

Visitor's Day

Bella sighed and closed her eyes as the light finally flooded through their huge window. Though she'd managed to get to sleep relatively quickly, she'd awakened not two hours later. Alice had already crashed and was in a deep sleep when Bella woke, so the girl watched her. She was sleeping rather tentatively, as if she were still thinking that no one liked her. Bella almost laughed aloud at the old thought. Who couldn't like Alice? Granted, she might not be easily understood, but likeability was never really a factor. Now that morning had come, Bella stole another glance over at the pixie. She looked to have relaxed and most likely wouldn't even recall last night. That was good. Bella would need some support this morning.

Today was Visitor's Day. Bella's breath caught in her throat at the mentioning in her head. As Carlisle had said, she was guaranteed some visitors. She began to shake from under her covers. She didn't want to go. And Carlisle said that she didn't have to go. But if she didn't, he'd be so angry. Fear consumed Bella at the thought of him being angry. She pictured Emmett's massive frame and wondered if he would step in, or Jacob. Perhaps even Jasper would. Or maybe no one would. Maybe she'd just be left alone with him like always. Then he could do as he pleased. Bella let out a small whimper and blushed quickly afterward. A few years ago, she never would have imagined herself to be so weak. But now look at her. Look at what she'd become. Bella's hand began to sting as her bones throbbed beneath the cast. Over to her left Alice half moaned in her sleep, alleviating Bella's pain for a moment. As she looked over, the smaller girl began to stretch, her eyes fluttering open and quickly closing due to the light.

Bella grinned, watching as Alice sat up, habitually attempting to fix her bed head. Once she seemed to think her hair was suitable, Alice turned and smiled at Bella, humming her a good morning. Bella returned it lamely, a blush creeping to her cheeks. Alice paid no mind to this and simply looked at her clock, her brow furrowing just a bit when she saw it. "You should get ready, Bella. The visitors will be coming soon," she half whispered as she slid her delicate feet to the floor and stretched again. Bella nodded, not really caring what the time was and rose as well, working the stiffness from her back. However, her movements slowed once she realized that Alice was working to settle herself back into bed.

"Are you not going to get ready?" Bella asked nervously.

"I don't get visitors," Alice answered before rolling over to face away from Bella. Knowing she must have hit a sore spot, Bella said no more as she stood and headed over to her chest of drawers. Alice was silent as she changed and Bella noted her even breathing. She must have fallen asleep again. Bella sighed as she sat down on her bed again to tie her shoes. Of course her intention wasn't to hurt Alice's feelings. She was just trying to make conversation…or subtly trying to calm her own nerves. But, Alice's admission had only made her more of a wreck. Now she was going to have to go it alone. And not only that, but now she felt terrible about Alice not having any visitors. Surely the girl's mother was still around. Maybe she didn't want to see Alice. Maybe Alice didn't want to see her. Bella could certainly relate. Tightening the knots on her shoelaces, Bella glanced once more at Alice, sleeping peacefully, and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Alice," she murmured before heading to the door.

"Don't be sorry," Alice returned before she'd taken two steps. Bella turned and saw Alice sitting upright in bed, her fingers toying with her comforter. "It doesn't bother me so much. On some days, I don't want them to come anyways. Today's one of those days so there's no real disappointment." Her fallen face was beautiful, yet heartbreaking at the same time. Bella didn't know what to do or say. Before she could make up her mind on it, Alice's face rose again into that bubbly smile. "But I hope you have fun, Bella!" She then waved quickly before snuggling back into bed. Bella could only nod blankly as she opened the door and made her way out into the hall.

Something sharp bumped into her as she did so. Looking up, Bella shivered at the eyes that met hers. Rosalie glared down at her, rubbing her arm as if Bella's touch had infected her with worms. "Watch where you're going, fool," the beauty growled before prancing off in her four inch heels down the hall. Bella mumbled a false apology after her even though she knew she wouldn't hear it. Why was Rosalie such a bitch? Clearly there was something that she didn't like about Bella. However, Bella wasn't too keen to figure it out and slowly began walking. Each step weighted her already leaden foot. The air seemed to grow thick around her and it was hard to breathe. She'd had several panic attacks before, but they didn't feel like this. This felt like walking into her death. Her body was trying to stop it, trying to prevent it from happening, but her mind would do no such thing. It reminded her all too greatly of when she'd first lost it, when she finally snapped. She closed her eyes, her steps slowing to a faint shuffle, and remembered the shaking of her hand as the razor neared her wrist. She remembered the sweat on her arm, dulling the blade ever so slightly. She remembered the dizzy feeling in her head, as if she were about to pass out before the deed was done. A sharp pain tore through her casted hand and Bella opened her eyes, her pace quickening just a bit.

No, it wasn't that bad. It wasn't going to be this bad. He wouldn't hurt her. Not here. Not in public. He never hurt her in public. In fact, she shouldn't worry at all. She was safe here. He couldn't hurt her here. He could only hurt her if she allowed him. Bella took a deep breath and the air didn't feel so thick anymore. Lead was taken from her feet as she walked at a normal pace. Things would be okay. For today, things would be okay. Just as she was beginning to smile to herself, Esme came down the hallway. Bella watched as her face brightened just a bit at her appearance.

"Bella, I was just going to wake you! You have a visitor this morning, but he's agreed to wait until you've had something to eat. Would you like to head to the cafeteria? Or perhaps go to the bathroom to freshen up?" Bella took in her words for a moment. He was willing to wait for her? That was new. He never waited. He never cared about her time, only his. She should take advantage of this morning.

"Yes, Esme, do you think I could skip breakfast and have a quick shower instead?"

Esme nodded and turned Bella down a hallway towards the bathroom. Bella didn't take too much time showering. She didn't want to try his patience too much. But she didn't want to appear before him dirty, either. He wouldn't like the wet hair, but the reaction would be far more tolerable. She brushed it slowly, evenly in the mirror, watching the parted strands fall heavily around her face. Then she smiled to herself and reapplied her clothes and make up before following Esme out the door again. All the while Esme chattered incessantly about things Bella couldn't bring herself to care about. Though she was trying to be nicer, actually engaging in a conversation with Esme was something she was just not prepared for. It wasn't until they'd left the hospital and were crossing the lawn to the recreation center that Esme said something worthwhile.

"Okay, Bella, you just have one visitor scheduled today. Feel free to spend as much time with him as you want. And you're allowed to go anywhere but the woods and your bedroom. We will be watching you so it's just best not to try. Any questions?" Bella shook her head and Esme returned it as she opened the door to the recreation center and allowed Bella to take the lead. Mustering up a smile towards the nurse, Bella stepped in. Instantly the lead was back on her feet, and the air was thick in her throat, stinging her lungs. She tried to take a deep breath but found it stale. Esme closed the door behind her and she knew there was no going back. The only thought that rang through her mind was Alice, wishing she was here beside her, clutching onto her arm, their waists bumping into each other with each step. She needed that confidence. She needed that reality break. But Alice wasn't here to provide that, so the only thing she could do was take another step forward. Another step forward to the reason for her visit. Another step closer to him.

"Hey, Bells," a voice rang out as she passed the first room without a glance. Bella jerked to a stop, backing up until the room was in view again. That voice wasn't his. It was someone else's she couldn't place. He rose as she faced the room, cradling his hat in his fat fingers, tracing the edges as if he didn't believe it was real. Bella inhaled sharply, then exhaled with relief. It was Charlie. Her visitor was Charlie. She could definitely handle Charlie. Or…handle him better than she could others.

"Hey…Dad," she returned queerly as she sat down on the couch with him following suit. And that was all that was said for a few moments. Charlie stared at her intently, studying her face before his eyes traveled lower to casted hand and the bandage on her adjacent wrist. Bella saw the large crow's feet nesting near his eyes and the way his hair was matted down on one side from sleep. The collar of his shirt was wrinkled, as were the cuffs of his pants. Bella frowned. Was he raised in a barn? Or maybe he didn't have anyone to make an appearance for anymore. Not that he made much of an effort when she was at home anyway. He wasn't around her enough for her to notice these things. It then dawned on Bella that this interaction was the closest and longest time they'd spent together since her arrival into Forks.

"So, what happened to your arm?" Charlie asked suddenly, lifting his eyes to meet Bella's before glancing away quickly. Bella's hand jerked at its own mentioning and she cradled it her other one.

"I just…fell wrong."

"You sure? It looks more like your hand's broken."

"Yeah well, I was there. Pretty sure I fell," Bella growled, shooting a glare at her father. Charlie's cheeks reddened for a second before he put on his typical 'traffic cop' expression. Blank. Bella licked her lips, noticing how they stung when she did so. She needed some lip balm.

"Well, sorry about your accident then," Charlie tried again, gripping his hat.

"Which one?" Bella scoffed. Her arms ached as if they were joining in on the mockery.

"Why are you acting like this?" Charlie asked, obviously hurt. But Bella knew better. She saw through it.

"Why are you here? It's not like you cared much anyway."

"Don't talk like that, Bella. I care very much about you. I love you."

Bella looked away at that. She hated that phrase. It meant nothing. It was overused. It was a lie.

"If you loved me, then why weren't you there? Why didn't you see?" Tears were filling her eyes now. She hadn't meant for the visit to go like this. But she wasn't expecting Charlie. She didn't know what else to say. She forgot how to have a conversation with them, people from her other life. It had been so long it seemed. What was once normal was foreign. And the foreign was now comforting. She hated it. She hated him. She hated them all. Charlie's head was lowered and he looked odd, as if he were praying right there in front of her. She could see his chest heaving in deep breaths. The bill of his cap was greatly twisted due to his work on it. Then he lifted his head. And Bella saw the redness in his eyes, the tears brimmed his lids.

"I…I didn't know, Bella. You got so detached. You wouldn't talk to me. I thought you wanted to be alone. So that's what I did. God, I didn't mean to leave you." A tear fell down his right eye and Bella looked away again. Seeing him cry made her feel good…and terrible. She didn't know how to feel right now. Charlie wasn't bubbly Alice. He wasn't cold Rosalie. He wasn't intimidating Jacob or fascinating Jasper. He was her father. And she'd just made him cry. "I didn't want you to get hurt, Bella. Please, forgive me." He reached out and grasped Bella's free hand, squeezing it tightly. Bella stared at him, dumbstruck. His grip was hurting her hand, and it was flooding into her wrist as well. She felt the pain of crying in her eyes, but couldn't feel any tears. And there was no way in hell she understood what her chest was doing. Everything else was a blur except for Charlie. She didn't want to be there anymore. She had to get out. Bella jerked her hands away from Charlie. She remembered mumbling something to him but couldn't remember what it was. Then she ran from the room and out of the center. She didn't stop running until she heard the slamming of the screen door from the center. Then she slowed drastically.

Collapsing to the ground, Bella slid her hands along the soft grass. She looked at her hand. It was red from her father's grip and ached just a bit. Her head was swimming a bit, so she laid back and fell onto the grass, staring up at the overcast sky. Everything was wrong. Everything was off. She needed Alice. She wanted simplicity. She wanted honesty and she wanted happiness. She wanted Alice. Bella shook her head, scoffing. Even if it wasn't going to happen, even thinking of the girl was a good break from reality. But, her high only lasted for a few moments as she glanced back at the center. Her father hadn't come after her. He'd probably already left. And why hadn't he come? Bella was certain that he would have come. And yet…. Maybe she wasn't good enough to get a visit from him. Maybe he was teaching her a lesson. It wouldn't be the first time. And why would she get visited by him? He was obviously busy…doing something better with his time. She couldn't blame him. She couldn't….

Bella shook her head as a tear fell down the side of her face. She wasn't good enough for her family, for him, for Alice. She was a failure. She may as well just give up. Of course, she already tried that and failed at that as well. Bella sat up, ripping up a clump of grass as she stood and sprinkling it back to the ground. Maybe she would feel better after seeing Alice. Maybe. She smiled at the mere thought of the girl and found her spirits lifting as she headed back into the hospital. By the time she'd actually reached her door, Bella was completely at ease with her situation again. Pushing the door open, Bella stepped in and peered around the room. It looked…different. Then she figured it out.

Alice's stuff was gone. There was nothing on the shelf, no sketchbook bulging out of the desk. Her clothes weren't littered on the floor and the bed was professionally made. Bella blinked a few times just to make sure she'd seen correctly. She couldn't have left, could she? There was no way she had checked out, no way. She was fucking nuts. Bella ran a hand through her still wet hair and sat down on her bed, staring at what was once Alice's bed. She really didn't have anything else. It was then that Bella felt a sinking emptiness that she'd only felt once before. Alice wasn't a comforting friend anymore. She was never a passing fling. Bella was head over heels for the schizophrenic. And not only were the feelings unrequited, but now she was gone. Bella couldn't even satiate herself on friendship.

"Hey, Bella,"

Bella turned towards the door, only to find a forlorn looking Alice staring down at her. "A-Alice?" Bella croaked, feeling a bit dizzy. She was such a fool sometimes. Of course the girl hadn't left. Forgetting her boundaries, Bella leapt from the bed and into Alice's arms, hugging her tightly. "Alice, I thought you'd left," she murmured into the girl's shoulder. Alice sighed, rubbing her back before pulling away.

"Well…I am leaving, kind of."

"What? Where are you going?"

Alice face fell for a moment into an impish glare. She gestured towards the camera and scoffed. "Apparently, that little joke I pulled with us…" she gestured between the two of them, "wasn't all that well received with the staff. Or, you know, it probably was well received by some staff…but not by Carlisle. He says that joke or not we have to split up. So you get your own room now, as do I. So, I'm still here, but not here." Again she gestured towards the room and Bella sighed. She felt tears coming to her eyes again. She didn't want Alice to leave. She needed her comfort.

"Alice…I don't want you to go."

Alice smiled that lovely smile and shrugged, unfazed by Bella's actions and words. "Doctor's orders. Carlisle's going to talk to you about it later," she said before bounding off down the hallway, leaving Bella alone once more. Bella sat back down on her bed in a daze. Alice didn't care. Alice didn't care at all. Was there anyone in this world that did? Apparently not. Bella shivered and quickly climbed under the covers. She laid in bed until darkness fell, crying and contemplating her life. When nine o'clock came around, Bella had made her decision. She was going to try again. She was going to try again and succeed. Then people like her father and Alice could go deal with more important things…with things that mattered. Content with her decision, Bella snuggled deeper into the covers, determined on getting one more good night's sleep before she tried again.

Then came a knock at her door. As Bella rose up from the bed, there was a click, the unlocking of the door. For a moment, Bella became apprehensive, pulling the covers up to her chest. The door opened slowly and Bella could make out the short figure of Alice, standing in the doorway. "Bella," the girl whispered, "Bella, are you awake?"

"Alice?"

Apparently happy with Bella's answer, Alice skipped into the room, carefully closing the door behind her before heading over to Bella's bed. "Hey," she whispered as she kneeled down.

"What are you doing in here, Alice?" Bella asked, sinking back down into her bed. Alice gave a soft laugh and patted the bed for a moment.

"Well…I couldn't sleep. And that made me think." She paused again, smiling shyly as she met Bella's eyes for only a second. "I started thinking about when you first came and I didn't know you. That's when I had an…attack." She looked away, as if ashamed and Bella resisted the urge to comfort her. "Well, anyways, I got to thinking that after that one night, I haven't had an attack since. And that's a really big deal. So it must be you!" She smiled widely, though her eyes were still a bit apprehensive. "So…I was wondering, if I just snuck in here every night, would you care?"

Bella stared at her dumbstruck. She didn't know what to say. It was all happening too fast from this morning to now. She'd completely forgotten about what she was going to do tomorrow, what had happened today. The only thing that mattered was Alice. Guessing that Bella was going to say no, Alice sighed heavily and shook her head. "Please, Bella? I miss you." She pouted a bit, extending her full lower lip. Bella practically melted on the bed.

"Sure, Alice, you can sleep in here. But what happens if we get caught?" Bella asked, her eyes growing wide as Alice grinned and pulled Bella's covers down.

"Then we'll just tell them we're utilizing our therapy or something," Alice sighed tiredly as she gently pushed on Bella to get her to move over and climbed in the bed. Bella was still to awestruck to really understand what was going on. Alice's bed was still right over there, not six feet away. And here she was. Fuck it. She'd been confused for too long anyways. She might as well enjoy what was happening. Once Alice was settled, she moaned contentedly and turned so that she faced Bella. "I really did miss you, Bella. It's good to be back, even if I was only gone for a few hours." Then she leaned in and pecked Bella on the lips before turning over, taking Bella's arm with her and draping it over her side. In minutes the pixie was asleep. And Bella definitely wasn't thinking about trying again tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 9

CFC

Morning had come all too soon for the two girls. Bella felt the bright light of the morning pushing into her eyelids and reluctantly moaned into Alice's ear, which was just next to her lips. Alice adjusted comfortably, giving a more complacent moan as a reply. Bella smiled, her lips just grazing the pixie's ear and smiled as Alice exhaled slowly. Thunder rumbled through the room as the sound of rain falling on the window commenced. Bella opened her eyes at the sound and noticed the dismal black morning through the window. As she was frowning, Alice snuggled her back closer into Bella's front murmuring, "Rain, rain, come and stay. Never leave me from this day." Allowing a small chuckled to escape her lips, Bella raised up on her elbows, careful not to disturb her bedmate too much.

"I don't think that's how the rhyme goes," she whispered.

"Maybe not, but that's how it should go. I love the rain."

"Why?"

"Because it's cleansing. When it rains, I feel like I'll get better. It hasn't been raining very much." Alice's voice was solemn and Bella felt her shifting uncomfortably now. Leaning over, she could see that Alice's eyes were still shut, but her face was contorted into a scowl. She wasn't quite sure what to do now. Should she risk going just a bit further, or stay back and wait for more reassurance from Alice? The small peck on the lips last night had kept her up for hours. Was it friendly or was it something more? Bella half smiled, now understanding how hard it was to be a guy. Alice jerked her shoulders back and forth, burrowing deeper into Bella and Bella could sense that she was still disheartened. Making a decision, Bella slid her hand down Alice's exposed arm comfortingly, leaning into her ear again.

"It's raining now," she hummed, adding emphasis on her exhale. Alice stiffened for a moment, then sat up slowly, looking out the window. She waited for a few moments before she turned around to face the other girl.

"It is." The answer was simple enough, but the tone wasn't quite right. Bella frowned. Alice's tone was…questioning. Or perhaps it was nervous? She didn't know. She couldn't read the poor girl. Hell, no one could. And it was a snowball's chance in hell to try. Alice tilted her head to the side, amused by Bella's current facial expression. "Bella?" she asked casually as the thunder rolled again. "Do you…like me?" She was sounding playful now and Bella blushed at the thought of being toyed with. Emotions weren't meant to be played with. She knew this for a fact. However, it was quite apparent that she hadn't been so subtle with her intentions since her stay, so she may as well be honest. The worst thing Alice could do was turn her down. Come to think of it, that still sounded pretty horrible.

"Yes, I do," she answered finally, running a hand through her hair.

"Like, like?"

"Like, like."

"Have you ever felt this way for a girl before?"

"Never as strongly…have you?"

Alice giggled, throwing her eyes to the ceiling as she sighed contemplatively. "Oh, I reckon I could fall in love with anyone if given the chance." Bella didn't know how to respond to that, so she merely lowered her head to the pale sheets and waited. Ages of waiting later, Bella felt Alice moving from her spot on the bed. Bella looked up to find her edging ever so nearer on her knees. "Let's just…try something," she said as Bella met her eyes. The girl obediently nodded and Alice smiled as she placed her hands on her cheeks. "Mind you, I'm just experimenting. This could be like our little collegiate lesbian fling every girl seems to have."

"Except we're in a mental institution," Bella countered, word vomit being caused by Alice's closeness. A short laugh echoed the room followed by more thunder.

"Same difference," Alice answered before she gently leaned forward and kissed Bella.

Soft. Warm. Sweet. Pathetic adjectives compared to what Bella felt bursting through her now. Alice's perfectly sculpted lips molded with her own in ways she'd never felt before. They moved with Bella's allowing her to do as she pleased. Bella had never experienced this type of kiss before. It soon became clear to her that her previous encounters of lip lock had been mostly one side. For the first time in her life, Bella had some control over what was happening. She smiled against Alice's mouth and the pixie returned it before pressing only slightly harder against her. Loving this new feeling of mutual command, Bella took the chance, swiping her tongue along Alice's lower lip. She heard the girl's muffled giggle before Alice opened her mouth and allowed her in. Bella felt Alice's smooth, straight teeth and her warm, frisky tongue. It was all so enticing; she just had to have more. Putting her casted hand behind Alice's back, Bella gently swung the girl on her back onto the bed. Alice sighed as Bella crawled on top of her, only to be silenced again by the girl's mouth. Though she had been laughing before, Bella could now sense that the both of them were quite serious. Collegiate lesbian fling her ass.

Alice's hands, which were caressing Bella's back, soon moved lower, swiping over her rear. Bella's breathing hitched momentarily as Alice grinned smugly at her. Wanting to return the favor, Bella moved from Alice's heavenly mouth and began sucking on the hollow of her throat. Alice whimpered at her touch and Bella couldn't help but feel a small ego boost. Just then, Alice went rigid beneath her. Bella stopped as well, freezing in mid-kiss as she waited to see what was happening next. Alice moved in a manner that told Bella to rise up and as she did, Alice followed her. When they were both upright, Alice's face fell into a pensive scowl. Fear swelled within Bella at the thought of what the poor girl could be thinking at the moment. Was it really just an experiment? Had Bella pushed too hard too far? Was Alice about to break into an episode? All three ideas were equally unnerving to Bella as she sat and watched the panting pixie stare her down. Thunder crashed as the rain splatters against the window began to increase with more fervor. Bella swallowed hard, attempting to scratch her itching, casted hand. Then Alice huffed, bringing the attention back to her.

"What's today?" she practically demanded.

"Uh…" Bella hadn't been expecting this particular question. Then she watched as Alice's face lit up, causing the klutz immense relief.

"Oh my god, bacon and eggs are for breakfast today! Holy crap!"Alice leapt off of the bed quickly, nearly knocking Bella over in the process, and raced to the door. She flung it open and took two strides out before she stopped, remembering that she was not alone. Turning around slowly, Alice came face to face with Bella's wide open jaw. "Oh, I'm sorry, Bella," she said quickly, as the bacon was calling her. "Did you want me to get you something?" Truth be told, Bella hadn't really heard what she'd said. All she knew was that Alice was leaving her…for a slice of pig rib. Alice's foot had begun to tap impatiently and Bella jumped at the beat that contrasted the rain. She shook her head at Alice, a reply that seemed to have made sense to whatever question she asked, and Alice bolted down the hall without saying goodbye, closing the door behind her.

Bella flipped off the door. She couldn't help it; she was damn pissed. Of course she should have expected this sort of behavior from Alice. She was Alice! Perhaps Bella thought that what they had (whatever that might be) was something more, something different that would keep her down to Earth. Bella scoffed, directed her eyes to the ceiling. Yeah right. Crushes didn't heal mental disorders. She knew that. Or, she knew that now, at least. "Fuck me sideways," she murmured to herself, agitated.

"Excuse me?"

Bella turned towards the door, expecting to Alice already back. However, she was quite wrong. Esme stood, peering into the room with a quirky grin on her face. Bella exhaled, surprisingly relieved that it was not who she thought it was, and lazily rolled off of the bed. "Nothing, Esme. Just mindless mutterings. Did you need something?"

"Well, Carlisle would like to know if you wanted to talk this morning. Perhaps during group or after?"

Bella closed her eyes for a moment, struggling with the thought. Group…she hadn't been to group in days. Most certainly she'd missed a lot. This would be a good opportunity to catch up on all that she'd missed including Rosalie's glares, Jacob's sneers and Emmett's laughs. Alice would most likely be there but she wouldn't pay attention her so Bella wouldn't be focused on her, hopefully. And a chat with Carlisle sounded pretty damn good right about now. She could use some conversation with a sane person. Opening her eyes again, she found that Esme was still staring and still smiling. Though it still freaked Bella out, she managed to answer the nurse in a light tone.

"Sure, I'll go to group today. When is it?"

"About thirty minutes. Oh, I'm so glad you're coming, Bella! Everyone's missed you terribly."

"Even Rosalie?" Bella couldn't help but smirk as Esme's face fell just a tad. Sensing the girl's humor, however, Esme's face lifted quickly and she shrugged, rolling her eyes.

"Okay, maybe not everyone but most of them." Bella blinked for a moment, trying to grasp the fact that Esme had made a joke. Then she broke into a soft chuckle which Esme returned before closing the door, allowing Bella privacy before the group. Bella changed slowly, knowing that she had enough time. She'd been here long enough that she didn't care all that much about what she looked like. As long as she was decent, it was good enough. The girl had a bulking cast on her left hand and a bandage on her right hand. It's not like much could be done that anyone would care about. However she couldn't quite put her nerves to ease as well as she could the look of her face. Although Esme's intrusion had been a nice little break from the norm and had distracted her, the kiss with Alice was still very prominent in her mind. She kissed Alice! Woo! But…what kind of kiss was it? Bella couldn't care less about the whole gender thing. As Jasper had said, this place and these people had no right for pride. It was the purpose behind the kiss that she was questioning. No, it wasn't even the kiss. It was Alice. Alice had instigated the kiss and Alice had pulled away. Was she really sick? Or was she using her sickness as a crutch to do what she wanted.

Bella sat on the bed to pull on her shoes and mulled the thought over. Alice had everything and everyone under control. She commanded and mediated group, toyed with Bella's emotion and had no regard for the rules of the ward. But then again, she was a schizoid. She was classified by a medical professional as a schizophrenic. That had to account for something .The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to know about the little enigma that was Alice. And as she sat there on the bed, lacing her shoes, she became obsessed. She had to know. She had to know what Alice was all about. Her sanity was at stake. Or…at least what was left of it. Someone tapped lightly on the door and Bella turned just as the aforesaid peered in.

"Bella, come on! Esme told me you were finally coming to group and you're going to be late! I brought bacon!"She grinned widely and motioned to the plastic bag in her hand. "The cafeteria people always give me bacon. Poor pigs, being slaughtered…it should be outlawed. I should join PETA. I'll ask Carlisle. Well come on, girl!" Rant over, she took another bite of the bacon in her hand and jerked her head towards the hallway, motioning for Bella to follow.

'That definitely looked like a mental disorder to me," Bella thought as she got off of the bed and headed down the hallway. There was definitely a lot more research to be had. Everyone was in the room by the time Bella entered and though she hadn't gone to group in forever, no one seemed to really acknowledge her entrance, save for Alice who motioned her over, still chomping on fried pig.

"Carlisle," Alice stated as she kept motioning for Bella to sit, although she was already sitting. "Carlisle I want to join PETA." Carlisle chuckled lightheartedly a shrugged his shoulders.

"Why, Alice?

"Because I want to save the pigs!"

"But, Alice, then you wouldn't be able to eat bacon."

"Oh…I do like bacon. Maybe I'll just join MADD, then."

"We'll talk about that," Carlisle said with a smile before straightening in his chair and looking around the room. His eyes fell on Bella and they paused. She watched as he gave her a reassuring nod and addressed the group. "Well, guys, it looks like Bella's joining us today. Thank you for coming, Bella." Bella felt her cheeks reddening as the eyes fell upon her. She could feel Rosalie's burning glare and Jasper's quiet, alert stare. Jacob's furious glance with Emmett's contemplative gaze. Alice clapped and gave a small whimper. Within the quiet room it was almost sarcastic and Bella felt herself going redder.

"Oh joy, oh ecstasy," Rosalie sneered as she twirled her finger in the air. While hurt by Rosalie's comment, Bella was thankful that the attention was off of her and slowly looked towards the blonde. Carlisle turned a bit as well and out of the corner of her eye Bella could see Esme stiffening from her observant corner.

"Why do you say that so unkindly, Rosalie?" Carlisle asked. Interestingly enough, there wasn't a trace of bias in his voice. Rosalie gave an emphatic sigh and flipped her hair wildly. It hit Emmett in the face before falling beautifully and perfectly around her face again. She glanced around the room, making sure that all eyes were on her before she crossed one leg over the other and leaned forward towards Carlisle. She held his gaze before her ice blue eyes darted over to Bella.

"Well, Carlisle, why is she treated like someone special? We're all the same here, aren't we?" There was a strange, strange silence as everyone tried to comprehend what Rosalie had just said. The narcissist had just compared herself to other people. It definitely didn't make sense. Rosalie huffed, resuming a haughty position in her chair. "I've grown used to these other people. It's been hard, but I have. But she…she doesn't belong here." Her eyes fell on Bella again and Bella could swear the very blood inside of her was chilling. This woman had to be a monster or something.

"Oh, I think she deserves to be here," Alice chimed in suddenly, causing another change in direction.

"You do, Alice? Why?" Carlisle pressed.

"Well, look at her." Alice shrugged and reached out to grab Bella's hands. "She's tried to commit suicide, she's beaten herself. She doesn't sleep. She's very quiet. She's just a little odd, like we all are and she needs to stay here to heal. Don't you think, Carlisle?" Before Carlisle could answer Jacob spoke up.

"Big deal, she's a klutz with insomnia. That doesn't exactly require her a residency."

"Oh, so there are requirements now?" Jasper spat. "We have to be deemed legally fucking nuts by a nerd in a lab coat before we're allowed to feel better? The fuck planet are you on?"

"The fucking planet everyone else is on. Where are you, chach bag?"

"Real mature,"

"I don't have to be goddamn mature."

"Oh, that's not a requirement? Thank god."

"Okay, guys, enough." Carlisle sent the both of them a disapproving glare and Bella watched with fascination as both boys lowered their heads. "We've gone a little off of the topic now. Let's go back to Bella's return. Bella, why have you come back to group, where you were missed?" To comfort Bella, he shot a humorous glance towards Rosalie, who thankfully wasn't paying attention. But despite Carlisle's attempts, Bella was still nervous. She never liked talking in group. Truth be told, she actually felt that some of Rosalie's words were right. She didn't feel like she belonged here, so maybe she didn't. Maybe she was just some pathetic teenager who saw the glass half empty even when it was overflowing.

"I…I just wanted to come back."

"So, you don't have a reason?" Carlisle narrowed his eyes, assessing her words.

"I…I don't know. Esme asked me to come."

"But Esme didn't force you to come."

"Well, yeah but I just wanted to come. I don't see why we're talking about this. Can't we have another discussion?"

"Oh, I have a discussion!" Alice was raising her hand, practically falling out of her chair with excitement. Carlisle shot Bella the same look of disappointment and Bella felt the sting. Like the boys, she lowered her head and only listened as Carlisle addressed Alice.

"Okay, Alice, what would you like to discuss?"

"I kissed a girl today!"

Cricket fucking cricket. The room was achingly silent. Bella felt her heart pounding in her gut as the realization hit her. There were only two other girls in this ward. One was like a mother to Alice and the other was too busy looking at herself in the mirror. It was quite evident who Alice kissed. Slowly and deliberately, the eyes fell upon her. But this time they did not look away as Alice spoke, or rather began singing 'I Kissed a Girl.' No, they continued on, glued to every angle of her peripherals.

"Why do you want to discuss that, Alice?" Carlisle asked. Bella could sense something different about his voice but couldn't quite place it. The guy was pretty hard to read. Alice looked up at the ceiling and began twirling a short strand of her hair around her finger. She was sitting cross legged in her chair that still looked too big for her. She looked like a kindergartener and Bella was reminded of the time she was in kindergarten and a kid had blabbed to the whole class that Bella had 'wiped her sneeze on the carpet.' Granted, both girls were five, so the discussion was understandable. But Bella remembered the mortification to this day. All of the children screaming variations of 'eww' and scooting away while the teacher made her clean the carpet. That same feeling was coming back now, along with a new memory to associate it with.

"Well, I think it's something important. I mean, I kissed a girl and I liked it! I just hope my boyfriend don't mind it." She giggled slightly, nudging Bella who was currently performing rigor mortis in her chair.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Emmett interrupted, speaking for the first time. "You and Bella made out?"

"Yuh-huh,"

"That's so weird and yet so enticing." He chuckled softly as his piggish eyes swept over the girls, imagining the obvious. Bella rolled her eyes angrily and shot a glare at Alice. Alice saw it and appeared to look hurt.

"What? We did kiss, Bella. I told you it was just an experiment." Someone laughed and Bella couldn't take it anymore. She stood from her chair and ran past Jacob out the door. No one followed her and for that she was grateful. How could Alice have said that? Didn't she care at all about privacy, about her feelings? Didn't she once think of what sort of drama that might cause? No, Alice didn't think about that. Alice never thinks about that stuff. Bella began to clench her fists as tears of anger fell down her cheeks. Someone put a hand on her shoulder and she jerked it away roughly, huffing.

"I thought you wanted to talk," Carlisle mentioned, choosing to put his hands in his pockets. Bella looked up at him, relieved that it was him and only him, and nodded. Carlisle returned it and allowed her to lead the way to his office. Once they were inside, Bella sighed happily on the leather couch that she'd actually missed. Carlisle sat in the adjacent chair and Bella noticed that he didn't have a notebook this time. He was just sitting there with his fingers clasped together in front of his mouth. It was quiet for a few moments as he allowed Bella to calm down. When she'd dried the last tear, he spoke again, softly and kindly.

"So, what do you want to talk about, Bella?"

"Alice. I want to talk about Alice."


	10. Chapter 10

Alice

"Let's head to my office then," Carlisle answered as he turned and headed down the hall. Bella stood for a moment, watching the soft gate. Was he actually going to discuss another patient with him? Bella couldn't help but be a little bit skeptical. Wasn't he breaking a Hippocratic Oath or something by discussing Alice with her? Maybe it was a trap to get her to open up about herself. Well…Bella couldn't deny that it was working. Truth be told she'd probably give her left leg for just a clue into that freaking enigma. And Carlisle appeared to be leading her to the chainsaw. Well, she'd never figure out anything if she kept standing there, so she quickly followed after him.

Carlisle was waiting by his door by the time she caught up. Then he smiled at her and pushed the door open, allowing her to enter first. She did so and took a seat on the very nice feeling leather couch while Carlisle sat in the adjacent chair. It was quiet for a moment as Carlisle observed Bella and Bella observed the room. Bella was reminded of the first time she came here and was surprised that the experience didn't feel very different. Granted, she wasn't nursing a self inflicted hand injury but the same nervousness was still prevalent as was just a slight touch of awkwardness. Carlisle, Dr. Cullen was just so intimidating. Like any shrink to their patients, there was a certain sense of violation that came about when talking to them. You just knew they were reading you like a book, but had no idea what chapter they were on. Definitely obnoxious if nothing else. Their eyes met for a brief moment and Carlisle gave a soft grin, to which Bella shyly returned. Taking the initiative, Carlisle leaned forward in his chair, touching the tips of his fingers together.

"So, what would you like to know?"

"Does she really have schizophrenia?"

"Of course," Bella blushed as she saw Carlisle half chuckling at her.

"Well…I mean…like is she an advanced case or whatever?"

"The severity of Alice's illness varies depending on her most recent outburst. The most recent one would be the scare she gave you your first night here. That one was pretty mild in comparison and she hasn't had one since. It would be nice to hope that she is progressing. But these are just theories."

"Do you know why she's schizophrenic…like the cause?" Bella was on the edge of her seat now. Just that little bit of information had sent almost a calming wave through her. She literally was crazy. Of course, Bella should have known that, given that this place wasn't one massive episode of 'Punk'd' and she had to have been here for some reason. But now, now there was an excuse. Or at least, the hope of the excuse that was behind all of the pixie's actions. Carlisle faltered a bit at her next question which only made her more eager for the answer.

"Well, let's start with the general causes of schizophrenia. Some causes may be genetic while other cases have presumably been caused by stress on the mother during pregnancy. Then of course there's the more macabre side of the bad childhood that could all play factors in this illness. Alice has at least two of these causes. Her mother was abused during pregnancy, causing severe stress and trauma on her and Alice. The abuse led on past her birth and into her early childhood. I assume she's shown you her scar?"

Bella nodded obediently and Carlisle returned it. "What was her story behind it, do you remember?" he asked.

"Uh, she was about to kill herself when her mother came in and they wrestled with the gun. It went off." Bella watched as Carlisle's expression turned to one of intrigued concern. He placed his hand on his chin and maneuvered it for a moment before speaking again.

"That's quite interesting. That's the most truthful story Alice has told to date. However, it's still not entirely true." He paused for a moment and Bella knew that he was gauging her reaction. Trying to remain as stoic as possible, she met his stare. She knew his profession and his intent, but this session was about Alice, not about how she felt about it. Satisfied (or giving up, Bella couldn't tell which) Carlisle spoke again. "When Alice was thirteen, her mother pulled a gun on her. The specifics as to why are not important as neither character is quite right in the head. However, Alice's mother had the full intent of killing her. Alice fought her and the result was wrestling around with a loaded gun. It went off…twice. One shot resulted in the scar you've seen and the other resulted in the death of Alice's mother."

Bella gasped. She couldn't help it. Alice's life had been so tragic for her to turn out so lighthearted. For once, Bella welcomed the sickness that consumed the pixie. Everyone had their own little outlet. Carlisle watched as Bella attempted to scratch under her cast and offered her a pencil before he continued. "Alice has had a tragic life. That is the one certain we do know about her. We are also certain that she has schizophrenia. But other than that and her episodes, we cannot fully determine fact from fiction with her."

"Is she conscious of her lies, if she lies?"

"That also depends. If she's in one of her milder episodes, she could probably make us firmly believe in Santa Clause again because at that time, that's what she believes. It is possible that she is fully conscious of what she's doing and saying most of the time though."

"What about the weird, random stuff she says?"

Carlisle chuckled at this one, shaking his head in reminiscence of Alice's wild tales and one-liners. "We like to call it 'word salad.' That's when a schizophrenic cannot either control or distinguish what they're saying from what they're thinking. Some actions are this way too. For instance, if Alice had the notion of jumping on the bed, wondering what it was like and if it were really bouncy etc, she would almost unconsciously get on the bed and start jumping. Reality is hard for people like Alice. And, to answer your next question, I don't know. As I said, it's very difficult to decipher real Alice from sick Alice."

Bella frowned. This was not what she wanted. But then again, what was she expecting? Was Carlisle just going to give her a copy of Schizoids and the Dumbasses who make out with them for Dummies? It was tempting, but it didn't sound like much of a possibility. Carlisle formulated a similar glare to hers though Bella could tell that it was not directed towards her. It was contemplative of something else. Bella had suspected something from the start. It was as if Carlisle, Dr. Cullen, wasn't quite sure of Alice either. That sounded a bit enticing to Bella. For some reason, Alice avoiding the eyes of Dr. Cullen got her even more brownie points.

"Carlisle…is there something wrong? You seem just as confused about her as I do," Bella asked, leaning forward in her seat. Carlisle smiled humorously and nodded, sitting back in his chair.

"Well, I will admit that Alice has me confused at the moment. But then again, so have you." Bella raised her brow in response and Carlisle continued. "Since your arrival, Alice has been acting strangely. She has had very few attacks, is much more calm and legible in her words and actions. There's also a very strong desire to be near you." This time he raised his brow and Bella flushed, remembering the bedroom this morning. Damn cameras and their nosiness. Damn Alice and her…shit. "That leads me to believe that Alice fakes a lot more than I previously believed. Mind you, I do still believe that she has schizophrenia. I just think that maybe now she uses it more to her advantage. And who can blame her?"

"So, you're in the same boat I am?" Bella questioned helplessly. "What am I supposed to do about her? I mean, you were there this morning. She embarrassed the hell out of me without any regard for my feelings. What the hell am I supposed to do?" Much to her surprise, and slight dismay, Carlisle chuckled. Not just any chuckle but the 'you're such a child' chuckle.

"Bella, I'm not that clueless on Alice. It was quite obvious that she was making light of an intense situation. Her tact may have been nonexistent, but she was clearly having problems dealing with your…kiss." Bella blushed again and he pulled a pen out of his pocket, clicking the end. "Would you like to talk about that by the way?"

"Can't you just watch the tape?" Bella asked a bit rudely.

"I don't mean how it was; I mean how it made you feel and such. You do realize I am a doctor of the mind? I'm not just some yuppie with a clipboard and prescription notes."

"I can't believe you just said 'yuppie.'"

"I'm also an old doctor. A really old doctor." Bella allowed herself to chuckle at that before she felt Carlisle's eyes on her again. Did he really want to talk about this with her? Well, as he oh-so-humorously put it he was a doctor. Maybe talking about it would help a bit. Honestly, she was in a mental institution, what more could she have to lose?

"Well…I mean… I enjoyed it or whatever." Damn, this was going to be hard.

"Do you enjoy Alice's company?"

"Most of the time…not right now."

"Do you enjoy Alice's company, on a good day, more so than you would a friend?"

"Possibly," Bella sighed, rubbing her fuming cheeks. "I'm really not comfortable with this."

"Then we don't have to talk about that," Carlisle answered, scribbling down a few notes as he said it. "Let's talk about what happened in group today then. Do you believe Alice was acting purely on the symptoms of her disorder or if she was just trying to deal with what the two of you exchanged? And don't answer me on behalf of anger, Bella. Answer me honestly."

Bella closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember Alice's actions vividly. It was quite difficult, as she kept getting distracted by mindless nothings such as the way her eyes looked, the sound of her voice humming that rhyme, the perpetual bed-head. So she tried to fast forward a bit, past the kiss and onto group. She remembered that Alice was particularly out if it. The bacon nonsense seemed a bit of a stretch in and of itself and the PETA mentioning was a bit off. Alice was crazy, not stupid and Bella was willing to bet against her on the fact that she did know what MADD was and thus should not have said it. Then there was the hurt look in her eyes after Bella glared at her. If Alice really was oblivious, she would have looked confused at Bella's expression, not sad.

"It…didn't seem right. I mean, she was acting particularly out of it and…stupid for lack of a better word," Bella finally said after a pause. Carlisle nodded and stood to head over to his desk.

"I thought so too, Bella, and I'm relieved that you picked up on it. I was wondering if you'd be willing to go in on a hunch I have?" He glanced over at her, reading her expression before he spoke again. "I've studied Alice for years upon years. And mind you, all of this remains in the strictest confidence. I'm trusting that you'll keep what I say to yourself. Everyone else does and you are no different. Do you understand?" Bella's nod told him to go on.

"I've studied Alice for a very long time and the one thing I can get from her is that she is stubborn as a mule. I've concluded that she's bright, witty, charming and overall very normal. However, any time she's put under trauma or stress or anything a little out of the norm, her fits begin. I'm not suggesting that she's faking her actions because she isn't. She is indeed a sick girl. She just…works to stay suspended in her delirium. She's afraid of being herself and lacks the…I don't know yet, courage or desire to help her manage her schizophrenia. I've been working on it for quite some time and have indeed made loads of progress. For instance, at the movie night Esme informed me that Alice was acting bubbly and calm and affectionate. That night Alice was being Alice. Then the cameras displayed her episode shortly after in your room." He stopped, narrowing his eyes. Bella almost grew intimidated but somehow knew that his eyes were staring past her. He pointed a finger at her.

"There's something…something to do with you. I have a feeling it's you that's displaying this new bout of normalcy within Alice. I also believe it's you who is instilling the crazy back in her as well. Do you think that might make sense?"

"I…wouldn't know, Carlisle," Bella stuttered. "I mean, I didn't know Alice before I came here. I have nothing to compare her to."

"Compare her distance and disorientation to Jacob's anger. That's how far gone she was."

Bella tried to imagine it and ended up thinking of Alice as a vegetable, immobile physically but with her mind constantly travelling to strange places. It was quite a scary image and she quickly let it go. "I…I guess then."

"I'd like to know for sure. Alice has plateaued in therapy. She's given me all she's willing to give and I haven't been able to get any more out of her for about six months. She will not get better unless I can figure a way to get past this. Would you be willing to help me engage Alice? And please remember you're more than entitled to say no. I'm well aware of what I'm asking you." Bella studied the doctor. She could see the faint wrinkle lines around his eyes and his slouched posture. But she could also see his soft eyes and almost defeated expression. He genuinely cared for Alice. She couldn't help but let her heart go out to him some. They were both out for the same thing. The least she could do was help.

"What have you got in mind?"

Carlisle smiled and headed back over to her, his shoulders releasing greatly. "I've informed Alice that, if it's okay with you, she can move back into your room. Now, she seems legitimately excited about this. But I want you to tell her no. Tell her no, that she hurt your feelings and that you don't want to be a part of whatever she has going on anymore. It will hurt her and I know it will be hard for the both of you but if something results from this, I believe we'll get one step closer to helping her."

"…What are you looking for?"

"Do you really want me to go into the details? I can assure you that you won't understand."

"Fine," Bella said with a slight smile, "don't tell me then. Okay, I'll try, Carlisle. I just hope you know what you're doing." Carlisle tilted his head to the side then flipped the collar of his shirt.

"I'm the doctor, Miss Swan."

Bella chuckled said her goodbyes to Carlisle before heading out the door. As soon as the door shut behind her, she frowned. She wanted to help Alice. Lord knows she did. But intentionally hurting her wasn't going to be easy. She couldn't do what Alice did to her so easily. But she had to. Even after her discussion with Carlisle she craved more information about the girl. Even though she'd just been made the subject of public mockery, she couldn't stay angry at the girl. It was easily becoming an obsession and Bella felt a knot tighten in her stomach at the thought of the word. Obsession was never a good word to be associated with. She knew this from experience.

"Bella…Bella!"

Bella turned to see Alice bounding down the hall towards her. She was grinning from ear to ear and waving her hands all around her head. Bella slowed and turned, taking deep breaths to keep calm. "Bella, you'll never believe this!" Alice shouted again as she finally caught up with her. "Carlisle says that I can move back in with you! Isn't that great? I've missed you so." She embraced Bella in a hug which the girl couldn't help but return. In fact, Bella held on a little too long as she soon felt Alice awkwardly release her. "Isn't that great?" she repeated again. Bella looked at the floor for a moment and begged for strength before she was able to meet those beautiful hazel eyes again.

"I…don't think so, Alice," she said softly, knowing the girl would hear. The beautiful eyes dimmed and Alice's smile faltered so greatly that Bella had to look away.

"You don't think so? Why, Bella? I thought we were friends…."

"We are, Alice. I'm still your friend but after group today, I don't think I can handle you as a roommate again." Alice didn't respond and Bella felt something forming in her throat, pushing against her esophagus. "I mean, what happened this morning, experiment or not, was not something to be shared in group." Her true feelings about the matter were starting to come back as she remembered everyone's eyes on her. Her cheeks reddened again at the thought.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't know it would hurt you," Alice murmured.

"Yes you did, Alice. You were just thinking of yourself." The words were coming out easier now. Alice opened her mouth as if to speak but stopped, closing it again. Bella felt the embarrassment welling up within her. She remembered being laughed at, gawked at and simply feeling small. There was a not a thing Bella detested more than being made to feel small. She'd been small for long enough. "You know how I feel about you! And whether you return it or not, I'm not your fucking toy! So, no, you can't room with me. I think it will work out better for the both of us. I'll see you later, Alice." Livid and satisfied, Bella turned to leave, only to feel a hand on her shoulder halting her. Bella closed her eyes, trying to will the strength to shake it off and keep walking. But she wasn't that strong yet and wasn't sure if she wanted to be.

"Bella…please don't think badly of me."

The words came out as a whimper and Bella felt her knees going weak. However, she forced herself to stay where she was. To stay where she was and not turn around to face that girl. However, she couldn't leave it at that. She couldn't leave it with Alice thinking that.

"I don't think badly of you," was all she said as she shook the hand off and headed down the hall with her head held high. She listened distinctly for any movement or sound from Alice but could hear none. When she made it to her room, she chanced a glance down the hall. Alice was gone. Who knew how long she'd been gone. Who knew how long she'd stayed. Stayed and watched Bella all the way down the hall. Bella sighed, guilt causing her hands to shake, and opened her door. She didn't come out for the rest of the day. In fact, she went right back into her comatose state. Group hadn't helped at all and even the talk with Carlisle was a letdown. All she'd ended up doing was hurting Alice. And she never wanted to hurt that poor girl. Rain still tapped against her window and she allowed it to lull her into a deep afternoon nap.

Someone was screaming. The sound bolted Bella upright in her bed and made her heart race. She'd heard that scream before, though it was much farther away now. Now that she was awake she also heard fighting and crashing. It sounded like it was just outside of her room. Hesitantly, Bella opened her door. There was nothing in front of her room and nothing to the left of it. However, just to the right, in the room where group was held another crash sounded. "Move it, emo!" Jacob shouted as he ran past her, nudging her back into her room. Bella caught herself and watched as he ran into the room. The scream sounded again and instantly Bella was in the room, watching the scene unfold.

Carlisle had Alice wrestled to the ground and was now fighting her as she kicked over a chair and attempted to claw at his face. She was screaming frantically and in high pitched gibberish. She let go of her grip on Carlisle's collar and slapped herself across the face. Esme ran over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly and trying to control the girl. Jacob was leaning against the wall, watching eagerly as if he had a bet going on it. Bella wanted to slap him but knew it would only be bad for her. Alice leaned over and bit Esme's hand, causing the nurse to shriek and let go. "It's been five minutes! Get the syringe!" Carlisle shouted as he grabbed Alice hand and slammed it back to the ground. Alice growled and writhed beneath him, muttering words Bella couldn't understand and proceeded to slam her head on the tile floor. "Come on, Alice!" Carlisle shouted at her. He sounded just as desperate as Bella was feeling. Alice cursed him and slammed her head to the tile again. Bella couldn't take it anymore. She ran over to the girl and fell on her knees, placing Alice's head in her lap to prevent further injury.

Alice slammed against her lap as she fought Carlisle, her eyes tightly shut. Bella saw Esme running up next to Carlisle, tapping a thin needle. She looked down at Alice and noticed the fear within the poor girl. She'd never seen someone act so feral before. Alice was fearful for her life. Bella placed a hand on the girl's chest and noticed that her heart was racing. "Please, Alice, wake up," she murmured as she moved her hand up to caress her cheek. Alice's eyes opened and they met Bella's instantly. She held her gaze strongly and as she did, Bella noticed that she was struggling less and less. Carlisle released his hand from her and told Esme to put the needle away. Within moments Alice's fit had ceased entirely. And neither girl had blinked once. Carlisle got off of Alice and she sighed, closing her eyes for the first time and clenching them.

"Bella…my head hurts," she whispered as a tear fell down her cheek.

"I bet it does," Bella replied, chuckling with relief.

"Come on, Alice, we need to take a look at you." Carlisle gestured with his hand and Alice took it. She stood but faltered, grasping her head as she leaned into Carlisle for support. Carlisle held her for a moment before he decided to pick her up bridal style and carried her out of the room with Esme following. Bella stayed on her lap, watching the door until she could no longer hear their footsteps down the hall. Jacob laughed from his spot on the wall, crossing his arms.

"Way to spoil a good show," he mocked as she stood. Bella felt her blood boiling but forced herself not to look at him as she made her way out the door. "Maybe if you'd stayed out of the way there would have been bloodshed," Jacob sneered as she passed him. Bella stopped, imagining Alice bleeding from her skull and hearing Jacob's laugh, and looked back at him. He winked at her and she answered with a quick slap across his face. Jacob growled and Bella watched his hands clench into fists. He opened his eyes and glared menacingly down at her, only to stop. His ceased and he unclenched his fists. Then he muttered something under his breath and headed past her to his own room. Bella watched him as he went.


	11. Chapter 11

Return

Alice didn't return for the rest of the day. Bella lay on her bed, staring at the too white ceiling, wondering if she was okay. Jacob's cruel words kept repeating in her mind, splaying themselves across the ceiling above her in large letters. She kept picturing Alice. Scratching, biting, screaming, slamming…Bella shut her eyes tightly, trying to block all of the images. Her feet ran up and down the comforter of her bed and though she detested the rough feeling she kept on. She kept on for anything other than Alice to occupy her mind. But if it wasn't Alice, then it was Jacob. And she really didn't want to think of him either. She really didn't want to think of him. It was people like him, people with that demanding, indifferent nature that she despised. Bella scoffed and stared at the ceiling again. What a hypocrite she was being. The dark memories came back again and she scoffed, turning over.

Facing the wall, she reached out and tapped her cast along the plaster. She liked the sound and did it a few time more, making a few rhythms here and there. When that got boring she rolled over to face the other side: Alice's side. The walls were bare; Alice had taken her pictures and posters with her. Her knickknacks were gone from the top shelf and sheets were stretched tightly and professionally over the bed. No one had slept in them to ruin them from when Alice last made the bed. Bella hadn't realized until now that Alice always made her bed. And she herself hadn't made it once since she'd been here. What was the point, it was just going to get messed up anyway. Bella huffed, annoyed, before her eyes fell on the drawer next to Alice's bed. She remembered that Alice kept her sketchbook in there. She focused on it for a few minutes more before she rose from her bed. Passing a nervous glance towards the door, she made her way over to the drawer.

A strange sense of adrenaline filled her as she placed her hand on the handle. She remembered the harsh slamming sound against her wrist and how easily the drawer slid on the wheels. She remembered Alice, sitting cross legged on her bed, scribbling away for hours on end. All of the sensations made her heart race, though she wasn't sure if she liked that feeling or not. Her fingers tightened around the handle. Taking a deep breath, she tugged on the drawer. It slid open easily and was empty. Bella huffed, exhaling the deep breath she took. She knew it was going to be empty. There was no way Alice would have forgotten that damn sketchbook. That enigmatic sketchbook. That enticing sketchbook.

She was dying to know what was in there, what was written, scribbled and drawn. All of it. Alice's innermost thoughts and feelings were roaming freely along those pages, at the bidding of the pen and carrier. Or maybe it was nothing like that. Maybe it was just several pages of doodled flowers and song lyrics, professions of high school crushes and lists of guys she thought were cute. Maybe it was both. Regardless, Bella would most likely never know. So, she sighed, closed the door, and made her way back over to her bed. This place sucked.

A week later and Alice hadn't returned. Bella was nervous at first, but like all of the other patients in her ward, she soon learned to just wait to see what happened. Waiting always worked out better than hoping or praying. She'd gone to group a couple of time and noticed that they were quite bland without the little pixie. Answers were one worded, Rosalie kept her mouth shut and Jasper glared. The only one who appeared to be enjoying Alice's absence was Jacob. Douche bag. He'd been laughing and joking around, completely oblivious to everyone else's bad mood. Bella should have figured as much. She was starting to despise the guy. And she had been noticing the strange looks he'd been giving her. It was similar to the look he gave when she slapped him. She didn't know what it meant but she was sure she didn't like it. Oh, who cared about Jacob? Not her, that's who. Bella threw her eyes toward the ceiling scoffed. Jacob was the last thing she needed to think about.

For the moment, she was sitting on the floor of her room cross legged, leaning against her bed. Her cast came off in a few weeks and she was now maniacally trying to fit a pencil in between the plaster to scratch her dry skin. The cast had been wrapped rather tight, however, and it was becoming rather frustrating to the brunette. Cursing under her breath, she drove the pencil deeper and yelled out in pain. She'd cut her arm on the metal of the eraser. Bella sighed and lifted her arm, watching the blood flow downward towards her elbow.

"Christ, you're doing it again? I thought we were done with these silly antics, emo."

Bella groaned as the familiar gravelly voice sounded into her room. She turned slowly and met eyes with Jacob who was leaning against her doorframe with his arms crossed. He was sneering down at her from his position and she quickly stood to erase the powerless feeling from the back of her mind. "Don't flatter yourself by thinking you're right. I was trying to scratch my arm," she said as she held up the pencil for proof. Jacob's eyebrows rose and he nodded his head from side to side mockingly.

"Sure, sure…whatever you say…emo."

Bella glared at him, her casted fist raised as if she actually was going to attempt another blow to his face. He'd been making comments similar to this all week and she was growing increasingly tired of it. He was nothing but a dog. A dog that needed to be put down. Jacob noticed her action and his smile widened as he took a step into her room. "Did I make you angry? Are you going to go find a noose now and skip rope with it?" Bella forced herself to remain silent. This was one guy you sort of didn't want to piss off. Jacob stared her down for a few more seconds before he laughed in her face, lightly pushing her shoulder back. "I should have known you wouldn't do anything. You failed the first time because you were too weak."

That did it. No one, no one had the right to talk to her that way. She wouldn't take it anymore. She couldn't take it anymore. In a violent swing, Bella drove her cast violently into Jacob's cheek. He howled and took a few steps back, clutching at his face. "You're weak, Jacob! You can't handle anything! You get pissed if your eggs aren't cooked right, pissed if someone has differing opinions, pissed all the damn time! That's fucking weak. Grow the fuck up." The last line came out as a cruel whisper and Bella bit her bottom lip as the realization of what she'd done dawned on her. Jacob had finished staggering and was now standing tall in front of her, his fists clenched so tightly that his knuckles were white. Bella could hear the deep hums of his breathing and took a step back. Jacob's head jerked upwards at her movement and he held her eyes for a moment. Bella felt certain that she was about to die. She swallowed hard and unintentionally whimpered as she did so.

Jacob lurched forward as she did so, causing Bella to scream, and grabbed her bed, hurling it across the room and sending it crashing into Alice's. Before Bella could even register what happened, Jacob was gone. She heard more crashing noises and people screaming outside of her room but couldn't bring herself to care. She was so livid and scared. She kept picturing Jacob's hands around the mighty Emmett's neck, turning him blue. She remembered the anger in Jacob's arms and the way he shook with rage. She remembered Alice, scared but practical. She wanted Alice, wanted her comfort. The noises were travelling farther down the hall but the strength of the sound remaining the same. Bella collapsed to the floor, hearing the smack of her knees against the tile. They throbbed loudly in her cold room and she listened to them, rocking slowly with the rhythm.

"Are you okay?"

For a moment Bella thought that'd she'd actually heard Alice's voice calling from the doorway. However, all too soon she recognized the low, hollow tone of Jasper and lifted her head dispiritedly to meet his eyes. He was leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed lazily. It reminded Bella too Much of Jacob and she looked away, tapping her palm on the tile for the mere intent of breaking the silence. Jasper sauntered in slowly and Bella heard the creak of the bed as he sat down. There was silence again, then a small chuckle arose from the blonde. "You really did a number on Jacob. What'd you tell him?"

"The truth…about himself. He didn't take it too well," Bella answered, looking up at him again. He was staring down at her with a compassionate look in his eyes. Bella noticed the little patch of hair that was sticking up wildly on either side of his head. She knew that was the hair that was growing back after the ordeal and she chose to study his face instead. He was quite a pleasant looking man. Save for his hollowed eyes, he had nice cheekbones and a perfectly sculpted nose. Truth be told, where she not smitten for a certain, shorter individual, Jasper would definitely be her hunk of the ward.

"You told Jacob the truth about himself? Ouch. What did he do to deserve that?"

"What, you think I did something wrong?"

"I don't really have a right to have an opinion on this. I don't know what happened. But telling someone the truth about them here is pretty heavy. "

"Why," Bella asked, furrowing her brow.

"We're all here because of something we can't face by ourselves. The last thing someone needs is their own weakness thrown in their face. Honestly, if you did that to me, I'd probably be causing the same amount of angered trouble right now as well." He paused for a moment, and took in Bella's expression. Then he spoke again. "I know what you're thinking, Bella. And believe me, you don't know the things we know about you and it would hurt just as much for you to hear it as it did Jacob."

"What do you know about me?" Bella asked, standing up defensively.

"The same thing you know about me and Rosalie and Emmett and Alice. Just let sleeping dogs lie and let the doctor do his job." He smiled at the end of his small speech and Bella didn't like the look of it.

"Look, Jasper, I'm not trying to play doctor. Jacob deserved it. He…" Bella drifted, unable to really say it out loud even though she knew what the entire ward did. Even though they knew what she did, they didn't know why she did it. She didn't want anyone to know. No one could know. Jasper narrowed his eyes, practically taunting her with an expression he forced to remain stoic.

"What, Bella? What did he do?" Bella looked away, eyeing the eggshell walls angrily.

"He…told me the truth about myself," she lied, looking down at her feet. Jasper was silent. Then he stood and stretched his long body.

"Well, I guess he got what he deserved," he said casually as he looked around the room. "So, what's it like having your own room?" he asked as he headed over to Alice's bed. Bella shrugged, thankful for a change of subject, and someone to talk to.

"Oh, it's okay I guess. I sort of got used to having Alice around though so I sometimes feel a bit lonely."

Jasper nodded thoughtfully, lifting his head to look at the ceiling. "I can imagine it would get pretty lonely going from someone as…vivacious as Alice to an empty bed." He chuckled softly before his smiled faded into a strange sigh. Bella tilted her head a bit, getting a better look of his face. He looked…sad. At first Bella thought he was going into something related to his disorder, but then has he slid his hand across the comforter of the bed, it clicked. "You know," Jasper began, unaware of anyone else in the room, "when I was in Iraq, there was this female that was guarding our convoy. She…she looked like Alice. She was taller but she had the same hair style. Though, I guess they all did." He made a sound that sounded like a laugh but he still looked terribly detached, like he was back in the Middle East. "I can't even remember her name. A part of me doesn't want to. She died. A wanna-be Al-Qaeda blew up the convoy. A lot of people died. I watched hundreds die. But…hers crushed me. And now, Alice is here and it's like I'm fulfilled. Or at least, I would be."

He turned to face Bella again, his face flat and unreadable. Bella stayed silent, watching him until he decided to address her. Jasper was a fascinating person. Whenever he was around, Bella felt a sense of calm envelope her. Jasper was troubled, but she could tell he would never hurt a soul unless he had to. She found it hard to believe that he'd even enlisted in the army. It didn't seem to fit his nature. Then again, it made the reasons as to why he was here more understandable. Jasper's eyes had glazed over but he soon blinked and shook his head, offering Bella a small smile. "I'm sorry; you didn't want to hear about that. We've all got our own problems."

"No, it was okay, Jasper," Bella answered, standing. "I don't mind listening at all."

"You say that now. But if word gets out that you're a listener, they'll all start dogging you."

"I'll take my chances. So, are you okay?"

"Is that a trick question?"

"You know what I mean," Bella laughed, rolling her eyes. "I mean, you just seemed really deep in thought about Alice."Jasper nodded, sighing, and ran a hand through his curls.

"Alice is fantastic despite her flaws. But, she loves another." He paused and tilted his head a bit. "Rather, she loves the other…sex."

"Ah," Bella noted thoughtfully, both humoring each other. Jasper gave her a strange look and she blushed, remembering the awful group therapy day. However, Jasper wasn't making her feel terrible or uncomfortable. In fact, she felt that now, with him, she could even see the humor of the situation. "I thought Alice kissing a girl was an achievement."

"Hardly…it was an achievement that she'd kissed a girl here. This was before you were here but Alice had mentioned her tendencies in group before. This guy, James, who…left, dared her to kiss a girl. But, at the time, Rosalie was the only one here. Needless to say that didn't happen. Then you came along and the bet was won. Though, since James isn't here anymore, Alice can't collect her winnings. I doubt she remembers it anyway."

"Oh, so kissing a girl was a bet?" Bella asked, pretending to be innocently curious. However, inside she was aching. The girl was so confusing. And it was starting to get old. She wasn't used to being on an emotional roller coaster for this long and she was starting to get queasy. Jasper nodded again, then raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, it was. However, I wouldn't get too down on yourself just yet. Alice is quite fond of you."

"She is?" Bella looked up hopefully. However, Jasper merely shrugged and headed out the door, leaving her to ponder alone about things she would never understand. "Bastard," Bella muttered slightly humorously under her breath.

"I'm sorry,"

Bella turned quickly to find Alice, head bandaged but looking as adorable as ever, standing in the doorway, a bag at her side. "However, I think the correct term is 'bitch,'" she laughed, setting the bag down.

"Alice, you're back!" Bella shouted as she ran over to her. Alice opened her arms and Bella fell into them, giving her a tight hug. "Look at your head," she commented as she pulled away. Alice nodded eagerly.

"Yeah, I got a pretty good bang on the head. Concussion or something. Carlisle always uses big words and I'm like, 'Que did you say?' But anyway I'm better now and guess freaking what?"

"What?"

"Carlisle says I can move back! For real this time! I mean…if that's okay. I was assuming the first time you said it you were just angry…at me. But I'm very sorry, Bella, for whatever I did! Please, please, please can I move back in? I miss my room…and my roommate." Alice clasped her hands together, sticking out her lower lip. She looked to be about four years old and Bella laughed as picked up her suitcase.

"Of course, Alice. We wouldn't want another head injury, would we?"

"No," Alice answered, shaking her head vigorously. "It took up four pages in my sketchbook. And I'm tired of killing trees! I'm joining PETT!"

"Pet?"

"Yes, People for the Ethical Treatment of Trees!"

"Are you sure that's a real organization?"

Alice smiled as she sat down on her old bed and faced Bella as she bounced lightly on it. Then she narrowed her eyes and leaned forward. "There are some real crazies out there, Bella. You wouldn't believe some of the things that they've started."

"True that," Bella replied, shaking her head.


	12. Chapter 12

Enough

"Ugh, not again," Bella moaned into her pillow as the pixie stood over her. Alice nodded, her grin expanding at Bella's melodramatics. She tugged on the covers and Bella resisted by trying to pull them up over her head. Bella won in the end and she smiled to herself at her victory under the covers. Much to her surprise, she felt a sudden draft down by her feet. Looking down while still keeping a firm grip on the sheets she looked down to find Alice crawling up her bed. Now, this was a twin bed. There wasn't much room with just Bella. She's learned that the previous time that Alice had climbed in. But now, as the girl made her way up, Bella could see that she was facing her. When she and Alice were finally face to face, there was only about two inches between the girls.

"Come on, Bella must we fight like this every morning?" Alice laughed, fanning herself under the heat of the sheets. I raised and lowered them to vent the air and she smiled and thanked me.

"You mean you don't like these morning banters? I quite enjoy them."

"Oh, they're entertaining but I always end up winning. And sooner or later that's just going to be too much for you."

"When have you won?"

"Every time, Bella! Geez, where have you been Sleeping Beauty? Oh…I just love that movie. Merryweather is just adorable. But you know I don't like the color blue all that much. I like green…yeah…green. Don't you, Bella?" She looked over at Bella and smiled. "Don't you just love green?"

"Yes," Bella answered, having become more accustomed to Alice's word salad in the past week. "Green is very pretty." Bella then waited patiently as the pixie's brow furrowed happily.

"Well, yes, green is pretty, Bella but today is visitor's day! Again! Why are you talking about colors? You're a silly girl. Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids." Alice giggled, her eyes glazing over as Bella could only imagine what she was thinking of now. She stayed like that for a few minutes and Bella took the time to admire the girl. The bandages on her head were long since gone and her quirky morning hair was sticking straight up around her rounded face. She had naturally long black eyelashes that continuously flirted with Bella and her lips were full and rounded. Hints of pink naturally surrounded her pale cheeks and her nose was small and pointed. Bella went cross-eyed and attempted to study her own nose. She couldn't get a good look at it and felt a headache coming on.

"Damn it all," Alice said quietly, slowly opening her eyes. Thinking it was better to move away from the subject than to inquire what it was that she was cursing, Bella smiled at attempted to smooth down Alice's hair. She failed miserably but at least an effort was made. Alice allowed her to do so, looking up to watch Bella's wrists as they moved over her head.

"Well, I tried," Bella sighed as she lowered her hands. Alice attempted to glance at the top of her head, shrugged, and leaned forward to kiss Bella on the nose. Bella closed her eyes at the feeling and sighed when it went away. During the time that Alice had returned, she'd become much more…touchy with her roommate. Now, Bella did not mind this interaction, obviously, but she couldn't help but allow her mind to wander to other ideas. Ideas that pertained to if it was just Alice and her ways, if Alice was hinting at something else, if Alice was a tease, if she was over thinking matters and the like. Her eyes opened and Alice grinned as she did so, her eyes shining even under the dim light of the covers.

"Come on, get out of bed. I want to do your hair again," she half whispered as she grabbed the covers and threw them over their heads. Bella groaned, trying to pull them back over her head despite the shorter girl's efforts. But Alice's hands remained firm on the sheets and soon Bella sat upright. "Up and at 'em, Bella! Time to feed the chickens or whatever you hicks say!" Alice did something resembling a pirouette on the floor before humming the theme song to Deliverance as she tore open her dresser drawer. Alice's schizophrenia, or at least the word salad, always seemed more prevalent in the mornings. Bella rolled her eyes and let her feet lie along the cold tile of the floor. The chill from her feet helped in waking her up and she yawned as she threw her hands up over her head.

Alice appeared to be immensely preoccupied with the contents of her drawer so Bella allowed her eyes to wander the room, looking for anything to stall the poor girl. The last Visitor's Day had turned out so well that she honestly never wanted to do it again. Charlie was a git. He didn't understand her and she had no intention of trying to understand him. The meeting had been short and awkward and an overall waste of her time and whatever psyche she had left. She didn't want to see Charlie and if he hadn't come for the first visitation he sure as hell wasn't going to come to the next one. Bella shuddered at the thought…the thought of him not coming back. It was almost mystifying. She couldn't remember a time without him except for her time here. And here, she didn't feel insignificant all of the time. She didn't feel like she owed anybody anything. She didn't have to answer to anyone. People left her alone for the most part. And if they didn't, she'd somehow found the courage to defend herself. She still knew how to defend herself. It was a wonderful feeling.

But…he had told her he would come back. Eyes thrown to the ceiling, Bella toppled backwards onto the bed to stare at the spackle. He had told her he would come back. She closed her eyes, remembering their conversation as goosebumps presented themselves on her arms and the back of her neck. She had been sitting on the floor with her back to the bed playing with the razor blade in her hand. Dizzy, she lazily tried to wipe the mess on the carpet but it kept sticking to her arm, new layers overflowing the dried. Her eyelids were heavy and her body was listless. Then she heard the noise, a snap as if someone had broken a tree branch. Somehow, she managed to turn and look over at the door. There he stood, his silhouette brightened by the light of the hall. His stance was menacing and she felt his glare breathing new life into her as she tried to turn and hide away from him. In what seemed like an instant he was by her, growling loudly as he grabbed her hair to hold up her head. She closed her eyes, afraid to look at him and felt his warm breath on her chin. The sound of metal was heard and then something tightened painfully around her wrist. "What the hell did you think you were doing?" he snarled into her ear as she felt something tighten on her other wrist. She winced and let out a moan. He grabbed her shoulders and the last thing she remembered before blacking out was his cruel whisper. "Don't think I'm done with you."

That was a promise. She knew that was a promise that he'd come back to her. Her stomach knotted at the thought. While this place had its shitty moments it was far better than it had ever been at home. At home were Charlie didn't care, Renee was never around, and he was always there. It was chilling to think of him here, standing in the doorway, sitting at the meetings. Bella didn't like it. She didn't like thinking about him anymore. Things were so much better without him. And she was in a mental institution. Boy, was that saying something.

Alice muttered gibberish to her drawer and Bella glanced over at her again. She noticed the way Alice stood on her tiptoes even though she could reach the drawer flat-footed. She also noticed the light way her fingers were caressing the contents of the drawer. They were tentative almost nervous movements. Alice had stopped humming the Deliverance tune and was now humming something much softer. Her face was relaxed but focused her lips kept adjusting to different degrees of a smile. She was nothing like him. And Bella loved her for that. Bella loved her for the fact that she wasn't him. And if that were the case, then she loved Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and Esme as well. Jacob was still too close for comfort but even that punk was better than he was.

A pair of cold palms were on her shoulders, gently raising her up to her sitting position. Bella sighed as her warm back shivered in the contrast and allowed herself to be lifted. Alice was still humming and Bella listened to it as she felt a brush gliding through her hair. It was relaxing. When Bella told Alice this she just smiled and continued brushing. "Your hair is soft…smooth like silk." She pulled the brush under and it accidentally caught on a tangle. Bella hissed, instinctively reaching back to grab it. She grasped Alice's hand, letting her head fall back to rest on her stomach. "Sorry, mom," Alice said, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

"Mom?" Bella asked, removing the brush and turning around to face her. Alice looked at her quizzically and shrugged. Bella's eyes narrowed as she watched Alice pretend to brush the bed sheets. "Alice?" she pressed further. Alice huffed, rolling her eyes in a childish manner.

"It's nothing, Bella. Don't even worry about it," she answered in a short tone, casting the brush aside and hopping off of the bed. With her arms crossed across her chest she went over to her side of the room and sat down on the bed, facing away from Bella. Bella muttered something quite rude under breath and grabbed the brush to finish the job. Alice had been doing that more lately too: inviting Bella in only to cast her away. Now, that in itself wasn't completely unheard of, but the rudeness was. Alice was just downright cruel sometimes. And though Bella knew it wasn't hurt fault, (because, honestly, what had she done?) she couldn't help but feel some regret when Alice went off on a temper tantrum. However, now that she'd endured a week of it, Bella was about fed up with it all. Her hair was brushed in silence and it wasn't until she'd changed her clothes that Alice even moved. She turned around, looked Bella up and down, and grabbed her sketchbook. Then she climbed into bed and pulled the covers over her head. The sound of scribbling could be heard from underneath and Bella shook her head as she headed out the door.

Realizing that she was a little early for Esme to escort her, Bella made her way down to the cafeteria where she got a bowl of oatmeal and milk. Choosing the same booth that she and Alice had taken the first time she came, Bella sat down and observed the others. Of course, the others were only Emmett and Jacob. Jasper and Rosalie were nowhere in sight. Emmett looked absolutely pathetic sitting in his chair, playing with his meal like a toddler. It must have been because Rosalie wasn't there, ignoring him. Bella shook her head and looked over to where Jacob was sitting. He was staring right at her with his eyes hard and fierce. Bella looked away quickly, choosing to look down at her oatmeal. She didn't want to associate with Jacob, not after what had previously happened. He was so frightening and so close to attacking her. She just knew it. She was on her second strike and she really didn't want to step up to the plate to attempt another.

"Uh, hey," muttered a voice in front of her. Bella looked up into the devil being spoken of. Jacob was standing in front of her, looking rather like a wounded puppy. It was quite the shock and Bella wasn't sure how to deal with it all. So she just stared at him, a rather impolite move. Jacob chuckled awkwardly and ran a hand through his long black hair. "Can I…uh, sit down?" he asked, gesturing towards the booth. Bella nodded blankly, somewhat proud of herself that she'd managed a response, and watched as he took his seat. They were silent for a moment. Bella could feel Emmett's eyes on her, watching whatever scene was about to unfold. Jacob sighed and adjusted in his seat. That was about the time that Bella decided to say something.

"Uh, hi, Jacob,"

"Hey, Bella," he answered with a strange smile before falling silent again. Bella didn't really like this speaking game so she took a deep breath and set the spoon down. Emmett was a mere fifteen feet away; if Jacob snapped, surely he'd come to the rescue…or to offer his life to Jacob as the poor guy still look suicidal. Either way, Jacob probably would not attack her here. And if he did go on a rampage, he didn't target her the last time.

"So, Jacob, any reason for this breakfast together?"

"Well, I just sort of…wanted to apologize. I mean, I know it doesn't look like it but I can be a pretty good guy." He chuckled awkwardly and Bella set her spoon down on the tray.

"Yeah, I find that hard to believe," she answered. Seeing Jacob so vulnerable had given her a newfound strength and anger to face up to him. "You're incredibly rude, Jake. And I don't know how much of that to pin on this place." She waved her hand in the air for effect and Jacob shrugged. He looked like a child and Bella almost laughed out loud at the fact that she'd once thought him intimidating.

"Well, I got problems. Hell, we've all got problems, Bella. That's why we're in here. I'm trying to apologize and you're acting like a total bitch." He grimaced, reminding Bella again of why she was intimidated of him, and slumped back in the booth. Bella watched him for a moment as his arms started to shake and his breathing grew more rapid. Knowing that he was on the edge, she lowered her head. She sat silently for a few minutes, toying with her oatmeal before Jacob's arms finally lowered to their sides. "Okay, I'm sorry…again. You just…bring out the worst in me."

"Why's that?" Bella asked, raising her brow. Jacob shrugged, scoffing inwardly. He looked away and mumbled something that Bella didn't catch so she asked him again. Emmett was looking their way now, Rosalie forgotten for the time being.

"I don't know…because…I think that maybe you're a cool chick or something…for an emo." He looked up at her again and as Bella registered the words, Alice popped into her mind. Jacob grinned nervously at her but Bella couldn't find it within herself to answer. She didn't want to answer to him. She wanted to answer to Alice. Jacob continued to stare at her, his eyes growing slightly wider as she didn't answer. But what could she answer? She didn't want to lie to Jacob but she sure as hell didn't want to tell him the truth and piss him off. She'd already had one close call for the day, she didn't need another. "Well, do you have a response to that?" Jacob asked quietly. Bella thought for a moment and just as she was about to produce an answer, she felt a soft hand on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze.

"Bella, have you finished your meal? Your visitor's here," Esme said softly, flashing a sweet smile towards Jacob who practically leapt out of the booth and headed out the door, knocking a chair over as he did so. Esme sighed at his actions and led the way to the recreation house. It was so quaint and if Bella looked at it for what it was, not what it held, it would be quite a gorgeous home. However, it was not…simple as that. Esme was silent throughout departure and gave Bella's shoulder another squeeze. Bella managed another nod before she was escorted out of her booth and led outdoors. She listened to the sound of their feet on the grass and looked over at the walk and Bella couldn't help but be thankful. After Alice and Jacob this morning and going off to see Charlie again, she really didn't need any conversation right now, no matter how sane it would have been.

Esme stopped as they reached the screen door that led into the house and flashed Bella a smile. "Well, Bella, he's in the first room on the left and you guys are alone for the afternoon. No one else in your group has any visitors today. Whenever you're tired just let one of the staff know and they'll escort you and him out, okay?" Bella nodded in response and Esme patted her once on the shoulder before opening the door for her. After exchanging sympathetic looks with the nurse, Bella took a deep breath and walked into the house. The first thing she noticed was that it smelled very nice in the house. It was a soothing smell, calming. And it was working so Bella liked it very much and was able to take three large inhales of it before she made her way into the room. The chairs next to the windows were empty as well as the one by the fireplace. There could only be one more place he'd be. Bella looked to her right and saw him there, sitting in one of the two corner chairs.

"Edward," Bella whispered as she felt her feet propelling her towards him. He looked up as she mentioned his name and smiled as she came forward. Bella stopped dead in her tracks. He never smiled at her…never. Instinctively she backed away as the memories came flooding back to her. He was never smiling…always screaming and cursing and…. Bella grasped at her arm, looking away. She didn't want to look at him. She didn't like it. But something drew her eyes back to him, like it always did. His smile had faded and had now turned into the glare that was burned into her nightmares. He stood gruffly, with his arms extended. Bella took a deep breath and stepped forward. Edward completed the steps for her and embraced her tightly. Bella whimpered and forced herself to return the hug. Against his chest she could hear the rapidity of her heart and buried her shallow breathing in his chest. She felt him chuckle and he released her, escorting her to sit in the chair adjacent to him. Bella did so and as she sat, she noticed an orderly standing in the hall, monitoring the room she was in and the room to the left. Feeling a bit safer, she exhaled slowly and looked him in the eyes. He was smiling and she didn't like it…didn't trust it.

"So, Bella, you gave me quite a scare, you know?" he asked a sultry voice that used to make her swoon. She nodded in an answer and he copied it mockingly. "Why did you, love? Was there a problem?" Bella nodded again. "What was it?" This time Bella stayed silent. She knew what he was doing. She didn't want to answer him and yet she couldn't seem to find a lie that would be suitable enough for him to buy it. "Well, Isabella, what was it?" Dammit, he'd used her full name. That meant that he was getting pissed. Not wanting him to blow a gasket in the house, Bella took a deep breath and began to whisper.

"I…I just felt scared…and alone."

"Why, love? I was always there for you."

"Y-yes…but…"

"But what?" he asked as he gently pushed a strand of hair. Bella shuddered as he did so and he quickly let his hand drop, slapping it on her thigh a little too roughly. Bella bit her bottom lip and watched as Edward looked away frowning.

"It was me, wasn't it? I did this to you. I'm such a monster." He stood angrily, turning his back to her and running a hand through his hair. Bella was up instantly, running her good hand down his back before pressing against him.

"You're not a monster, Edward. You're terrific," she said as she squeezed him tightly. Edward sighed and walked out of her arms into the middle of the room. She followed him desperately. She hated it when he was mad at her but absolutely loathed it when he was mad at himself. When he was mad at himself, he usually got angrier. "Please, Edward, don't be angry. It was my fault. I was being stupid…and selfish. I just…I just wanted to be good enough for you. But I didn't think I could be. So I…" She paused as there was screaming coming from the other room. Both looked over as the orderly ran into the next room where the screaming grew louder.

Edward turned then, grasping her wrists and pulling her close to him. "No, it's me. I'm the monster." He stared her down for a few moments and as Bella tried to think of some sort of response, Edward looked down to notice the casted hand he was holding. "How'd you do this?" Bella noted that his tone was soft and his eyes were kind. He was being genuinely sincere. For once, she smiled before answering.

"Oh…I was just feeling a little down…" she answered slowly, looking the cast over. No one had signed it, she realized. She would have to ask the others later if they would. Her wrist started to ache and she looked down, noticing that Edward's knuckles were white as they gripped her arm. "Edward, you're hurting me."

"You did this to yourself? Christ, Bella, you are so weak! What, just because things weren't hunky-dory in this fucking nut house you go and break your arm? Jesus, Bella, do you ever think?" He threw Bella's arms down, causing the casted one to slam against the end table. Bella hissed at the contact and drew her hands up to her face to protect herself. She felt his strong hands on her upper arms and within instants she was cast into a chair, which toppled over. Bella cried out in pain and attempted to run out of the room. But Edward had caught hold of her again. "I can't be there for you all of the time, Bella! You have to take care of your own problems sometimes! Do you think I want to have to do this? No, I don't but you have to understand!" He was shouting now, his gravelly voice vibrating through her eardrums and down into her very core where it shook her heart into her stomach.

She wanted to run. She wanted to vomit. She wanted to be anywhere but here at this moment. She thought of her nice room with the twin bed and window that always seemed overcast. Her quirky, beautiful roommate and the loveable staff. She wanted to go back…now. She opened her eyes and noticed that she was pinned to the floor. Edward was still shouting and her shoulder was stinging. In spite of herself she started to cry. Normally, she'd become so used to this that she'd stopped wasting energy with tears. But now, she just couldn't bring herself to stop. Edward was shouting louder now and she watched as he raised his fist in the air. Closing her eyes, she awaited the pain like she always did, only to find that it did not come. The weight off of her was suddenly lifted and she dared one eye open to look. Edward was off of her and being restrained to the floor by the orderly she'd previously seen in the hall. Someone was trying to help her up and she screamed at their touch. Whoever it was let go immediately and took the opportunity to run out the door.

The grass was smooth under her shoes and she felt lighter as she ran across the lawn. She pushed open the doors with ease and continued to run up the steps to her room. As her feet slapped the tile she became increasingly aware of the pain in her head and side but she didn't care. She just wanted to keep running. Rosalie was walking in the middle of the hall as she came sprinting around. She opened her mouth as if to tell Bella something but the brunette could care less at the moment. In one idiosyncratic movement, she placed her arms on Rosalie and shoved her to the side and out of her way. The blonde called her a rather rude word but Bella could only laugh as she reached her door and ran in.

Alice was sitting on her bed cross legged. She'd pulled her short hair into stubby pigtails and was still in her pink pajama Popsicle bottoms. Her sketchbook was spread open across her bed and she quickly pulled it to her chest as she noticed Bella. Then her face broke into a wide smile and her book was cast aside on the bed as she jumped up. "Bella! You're back! I missed you so…oh dear, what's wrong?" she asked as she took a few steps towards her.

Bella had been dying for this moment. And as she burst through the door and saw Alice's face, she broke down. All of Edward had come flooding back into her and she fell to her knees, feeling the despair and abuse, but also feeling it leave. Her chest felt heavy and giddy at the same time and she couldn't quite place the cause of her shaking. She felt Alice's petit arm across her back and leaned into her as she knelt by her side. "Oh, Alice, he was so cruel," Bella sobbed, rising up to bury her head in the girl's shoulder. "I…feel like I'm broken inside and he threw me around and I…" she continued to cry as Alice ran her hands up and down her back. "I didn't know what to do. I just kept feeding into him…"

"Why?" Alice whispered into her ear.

"B-because he demanded it," Bella responded. "I'm just so weak."

"Yes, you are," Alice replied. Bella pulled back then to look her in the eye. Unsure of what she'd heard, she asked Alice to repeat what she'd said. Alice smiled and attempted to straighten Bella's wayward hair. "I said that, yes, you were weak." Bella stared at her for a moment, then pushed on her shoulders to help herself up.

"I can't believe you just said that," she muttered to herself as she began to pace the room.

"Why not? It just sounds pretty weak to give into a bastard," Alice answered, also standing. "I know I'd never let a man do that to me."

That was it. That did it. Bella looked over at Alice and suddenly realized what a fool she'd been. Alice didn't care. Alice didn't know how to care. Alice was the selfish weak one…not her. Not her. The sound echoed through the room for a brief moment, only slightly muffling Alice's cry. Bella stood; her palm still flexed open and watched as the imprint appeared on the shorter girl's cheek.

"How dare you?" she shrieked finally, causing Alice to flinch. "I've done nothing but be at your beck and call, feed into whatever moronic emotional thought you're feeling! Hell, I've even fallen for you maybe a tiny bit! And you just sit there on your high horse and treat me like a child! I'm not going to take it anymore, Alice! I took this abuse from Edward and I'm certainly not going to take it from you! Get out!"

Alice stood for just a moment more, her hand falling from her cheek as her eyes focused intently on Bella's. Bella noted her quivering lip and also caught the minute smirk before the girl turned and walked briskly out the door, allowing it to slam loudly behind her. The sound, like the slap, echoed through the room, as did the smack of Bella's knees against the tile as she fell to the floor in a fit of her own hysterics.


	13. Chapter 13

Surprise, Surprise

"Bella, allow me to apologize again for allowing Edward into the facility. We hadn't done enough sessions together for me to pin him as a major problem for you. In fact, you didn't mention him at all. Why is that?" Carlisle's eyes were worn, fatigued. He slouched against the back of his chair with his notebook hanging loosely from his hand. He'd been the first one to find Bella in her hysterical mess after she'd shouted at Alice. And since Bella hadn't made a sound, she knew that Alice must have gone and told him or someone. That made her even angrier. What right did she have running off to Carlisle? None. But, like always, she just disregarded anything other than herself. Bella looked down, glowering at the lone, beastly bruise on her shin that resulted in the collision with the chair. Rage welled up inside of her. How could these people just have let him in? Why didn't Carlisle make it a requirement for appointments? Maybe if he'd done that then Bella would have told him about Edward…

…And maybe Rush Limbaugh would have banged a Mexican trannie.

"Edward's just…something I don't like to talk about it," she answered finally, playing with the stubble on her legs that came from a couple of days of not shaving. Carlisle's eyebrows rose and fell quickly as a knowing smile graced his thin lips.

"So I noticed. When you saw Edward in the visiting room yesterday, how did you feel? What was your first thought, first emotion?"

"I was scared, anxious. And I was curious why he was here. I thought that if he didn't come the first visitor's day he wasn't coming at all."

"Why were you anxious?"

Bella sighed, looking down at her shin again. Her ugly shin. Edward had made her perfectly fine shin ugly. Bastard. Carlisle flipped a page in his notebook and Bella noted that he was writing something down again. She didn't like that. It was too cliché psychologist and Bella felt that when he did that he wasn't really listening or caring about her.

"I don't like that," she said finally, addressing the hated notebook. Carlisle stopped writing and clicked the pen.

"Don't like what?"

"That," Bella answered, nodding her head towards the notebook. "The scribbling in the notebook while you're talking to me. I don't like that." Much to Bella's surprise, Carlisle gave a wide smile and literally threw the notebook over his shoulder. Bella's eyes widened as it landed roughly and with the sound of paper crushing. The pages were splayed out along the floor. Looking back up at Carlisle, she watched him pocket the pen then give her his full attention. Bella shrugged. Couldn't help but like what he'd just done. It made her feel important, as lame as that was.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Thank you for telling me."

"No problem."

"So, where were we?"

"Um…why I was anxious."

"Oh, yes. Please continue,"

Bella shrugged, looking past Carlisle and out the window. She didn't want to discuss Edward. Why did he keep bringing him up? Why did she keep bringing him up? Edward was her problem. She'd deal with it. No matter how much she didn't want to, she would deal with it. "I don't want to talk about him," she said finally, crossing her arms.

"Yes, you do. Otherwise you wouldn't have reminded me of the topic we were on," Carlisle answered simply. Bella scoffed, internally cursing the doctor. Maybe she wanted to talk about Edward. But she shouldn't. Carlisle didn't want to hear her problems. He just wanted his paycheck. She looked up at him to find that he was staring at her. Feeling defiant, she chose to stare back. They locked eyes for a few minutes before Carlisle finally looked down at his palms.

"You know, Bella, a lot of patients here have come from abusive pasts. Be it physical or emotional they have all been hurt. You're no different. I know you're hurting. And no matter how much you think it's your problem, you can't do it alone. The very fact that you're here proves that. But I can help you. And we can get through this together. Why were you anxious?"

Bella licked her lips, choosing to look away from the doctor and stare at the floor. For some reason she had tears in her eyes and she didn't like it. She didn't like that Carlisle had brought them on after some simple sentences. She didn't like that just by speaking about Edward she got hurt. Bella thought back to Edward's visit and what she felt when she first walked in and saw his face, expectantly waiting for her.

"It…it just felt like something was going to happen. Like, when you're walking down a dark hallway and either your friend or your enemy is going to jump out and scare you at the end. And I didn't know who it was going to be. It was that kind of feeling. Then it sort of got better because he was happy to see me. And I was happy that he was happy. But, he started doing…things, just little things that made me anxious again. It was like he was building up the suspense before he either hugged me or hit me. He ended up throwing me. And I just…I just felt like I was going to explode. Then even when he threw me I felt some release, because at least then I knew what he was doing and what he was going to do."

"Did you know deep down that he was going to be angry or hurt you, rather than be happy?"

"Probably…I mean that's the way it usually happens. I just keep hoping that one day he'll surprise me."

"And is it worth it? Is the abuse and torment and nerves worth it for the hope that one day he'll surprise you?"

"Well," Bella looked around nervously. She didn't like where this was going. There was a realization happening and she was scared of what it would bring. But for some reason she couldn't bring herself to stop. A new kind of anxious was filling her mind. The kind that was sure to bring a positive outcome, rather than an unknown one. "I guess I thought it was…"

"You thought? And now?"

"Now…it seems kind of stupid."

Carlisle smiled and Bella returned it, still unnerved by her admissions. She wasn't so sure about this. It was too new, out of her comfort zone. In fact, she was starting to feel very uncomfortable. The strange, new sensation was gone a sort of fear had taken over. She felt as if Edward had heard her admissions and was suddenly certain she'd get punished for it as soon as she left the office. Carlisle's head tilted slightly to the side and he rose from his chair and walked over to Bella, placing his palm on her forehead. "You're looking ill, Bella. Are you feeling okay?"

"Mm-mm," Bella answered through pursed lips. Her eyes then went wide and Carlisle reacted promptly by grabbing the trashcan and placing it under her chin just as she vomited. Bella placed her arms around the can and Carlisle let go to push her hair back. When she finished Carlisle took the can kneeled by her side, offering her a tissue box.

"That's enough for today, Bella. You've made a lot of progress. This feeling will go away. Just allow it to run its course."

Bella, having not heard a word, merely nodded as Carlisle helped her out of the chair. Her stomach was wrenching itself in knots and she couldn't feel her feet moving along the floor. But she could see the door. She could see it and focus on it. And she didn't want to go near it. However she couldn't seem to find the will to fight Carlisle. The door opened as they neared it and Esme stepped through. Carlisle must have called her without Bella noticing. Not that that would be that difficult to do given her current state. In spite of herself, Bella smiled as she saw her. Esme's warm face and manner always calmed her, no matter what kind of mood she was in. Of course, right now Bella would have taken anyone so long as it wasn't Edward. Esme smiled as she took Bella from Carlisle's grasp and held her tightly around the waist. They walked slowly down the hall, Bella feeling more and more uncoordinated as she went. She was dizzy but alert at the same time and every time they passed a room she was certain that she would see him glowering at her.

"Here you go, honey. Just lie in bed and relax. This will pass and you'll feel so much better," Esme soothed as she helped ease Bella onto her bed. Bella only nodded and welcomed the pillow that hugged her skull. Before Esme could say or do anything more, Bella was asleep, nightmares of Edward and dreams of another life running through her head.

The brunette awoke about an hour later and while she was certain she was awake, she decided to keep her eyes closed. She liked them closed and for some reason felt that she'd been awake for ages. It felt good to rest her eyes. Rest her eyes and not see the hospital or the patients or anything that would remind her of something she'd long since tried to forget. However, even with her closed lids she still couldn't cease the one adamant thought that plagued her mind. Edward. Edward was here. She was certain of it. He was here and he'd heard her and the next time she was alone, he would be here to finish what he'd started. In her heart of hearts Bella knew that there was no way it could possibly be true. But she couldn't stop the fear that welled within her. Edward was capable of so much. Much more than anyone in this godforsaken place could ever hope to know about. Bella clenched her eyelids, forcing herself to move onto another thought. Edward couldn't and shouldn't dominate her thoughts. Searching, she willed her mind to think of something, anything other than him.

Alice was the next thought. Of course it was. Why wouldn't it be? Bella huffed lightly, feeling guilty about going so crazy on the poor girl. It was established and had been for some time that Alice was not in the right state of mind and often had no idea what she was doing. But what she'd said was out of line. Bella knew that. And the pixie wasn't a puppy. So Bella needed to stop acting like it was so damn adorable and do something about it. Alice just couldn't sit there and toy with people like she did. She could be trained. That sounded horrible but it was the truth. She could be trained. Bella opened her eyes and realized she was facing the wall. That was it. It had to be done. She could no longer stand idly by and watch as this adorable young woman commanded her emotions. She'd taken that from Edward and she wouldn't take it from Alice. Feeling more than refreshed, Bella rolled over rather quickly. As she did, she felt her body bump something but had too much momentum going to stop herself. Whatever was in her bed toppled to the floor, smacking the hard tile.

"Ah-ha-how…" emphatically came the voice from the floor. Bella leaned over her bed and noticed the devil herself, Alice, lying on the floor. She sat up slowly, hissing as she did, and grabbed her head. "My poor head as been through more shit lately," she said with a quivering voice. Bella reached her hand out and placed a hand on the pixie's knee.

"I'm sorry, Alice. I didn't know you were there. Are you okay?"

"Uh-huh," she answered, lowering her head into her lap. Even though the reply was simple, Bella noticed that the poor girl was crying. It must have really hurt. Instantly, Bella was wracked with guilt. That whole 'standing up to the pixie' thing was suddenly ripped from her mind as she looked her over.

"Oh, Alice, come up here," Bella urged, reaching out to the girl, who took her head but kept her face lowered. With some maneuvering they were both back on the bed and facing each other. Alice had her face covering her hands and Bella could tell by her shoulder that she was still shaking with sobs but trying to overcome it. "Where does it hurt?" she whispered, placing her hand on the side of Alice's face.

The answer was muffled by Alice's hands but audible. "I hit the back of my head." Bella nodded even though the girl couldn't see her and sat up a bit to examine her head. Even with the short hair, Bella still couldn't see much so as lightly as she could, she ran her palm down the back of Alice's head. As soon as she felt her hand slide over a small knot, she heard Alice whimper and smiled as she bent over and kissed the top of her head. Her hair smelled like generic shampoo and whatever the detergent for the pillow cases was. It smelled nice.

"It's just a little knot, Alice. You're okay."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, ma'am, I am,"

Alice giggled, lowering her hands. "That rhymed." Bella returned the laugh and lowered herself back down to where she was facing the other girl. Her cheeks were vibrantly red and tearstained. Her eyes were also red and irritated and it made her already beautiful eyes stand out even more. Bella couldn't seem to focus on anything else.

"Only you could look so good after a sob-fest," Bella mentioned as she reached the sheet of her bed up to wipe Alice's eyes. Alice smiled and scoffed, pushing the sheet away to use her own hand.

"You lie,"

"Do not,"

"Do so,"

Bella sighed, knowing she was fighting a losing battle, and rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, Alice." Alice nodded and it was quiet for a bit. Alice had taken the sheet in her hands and was toying with it, lacing it in and out of her fingers. Bella enjoyed watching her, mostly because she loved watching Alice's hands. They were petit but long and graceful. Together with the sheet they looked like they'd been sculpted by Rodin himself. She was enraptured by them. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore and reached out, placing her hands on top of Alice's. Alice made no attempt to pull away and instead watched just as intently as Bella played with her hands. She ran her fingers up and down Alice's, laced and re-laced their hands, caressed the tops and bottoms. They were as soft as smoothed marble. Bella couldn't help but feel a bit jealous and blushed at the clamminess of her own hand and the repulsion of the cast that covered the other.

"So, how are you feeling after the visitor?" Alice whispered as she continued watching. Bella shrugged, exhaled slowly as she did.

"I talked to Carlisle. We discussed Edward and I feel better, but still a bit weirded out."

"Are you still in love with him?"

"It's…complicated."

"I see,"

"Alice…why did you say what you did?"

"What?" Alice looked up now, meeting Bella's eyes. Bella's hands stopped moving with Alice's and they were left sitting in her palms. Bella sighed again, her cheeks reddening.

"Why did you say I was weak? Do you really think that about me?"

"No, Bella, I don't think you're weak. I just…say things. You know me," she answered with a laugh.

"Sometimes I think I do. And other times, it's like we've just met all over again," Bella replied softly, her thumb stroking the top of the pixie's hand. Alice took her hand away and placed it over Bella's, so that she was holding one of Bella's in both of her own.

"I'm sorry for that. Believe me I am. If I could change in a second I would. I'm trying." She lowered her head, taking deep even breaths.

"I know you are," Bella answered. "And I have patience."

"Patience for what?"

"For whatever comes,"

Alice stopped and looked up at her. They stared at each other for a minute before Alice finally lifted Bella's hand to her face. Holding onto it by the fingers, she lifted her hand to her lips and kissed it softly. As she lifted up, she allowed her bottom lip to drag along the skin lightly. Bella exhaled, her breathing heavier than usual. Alice smiled just a bit and leaned forward. Bella closed her eyes, waiting expectantly. But instead of kissing her lips like Bella thought, Alice kissed her forehead, dragging her lips downward. She then kissed both of Bella's closed lids, her nose and the very corner of her lips. Bella gave another impatient exhale and listened as Alice giggled before peppering kisses on her jawbone, travelling lower to her neck. Bella lifted her good hand and ran it through the girl's shorter hair while minding the knot. It was so soft. Alice had begun to suck on her neck just above her collarbone and she could feel her heartbeat racing. Her lips had started aching in anticipation. She couldn't wait anymore.

"Alice," she called hoarsely. She didn't even have to finish her plea as the pixie lifted her head and quickly attacked Bella's lips. Her mouth instantly thanked her as she smiled and pushed harder against the other girl, rolling from her side to her back. As she did, Alice climbed on top of her, lying along Bella's much longer body, her smooth legs sliding up and down Bella's own. Bella moaned softly into Alice's mouth and slid her hand down Alice's back, feeling the soft curves. Alice broke the kiss and moved to Bella's neck again, her left hand running up and down the girl's side.

She tortured Bella there for a few moments before returning to her mouth. This time Bella was so excited that as soon as their lips met, she bit down softly on Alice's lower one. Alice stopped then, pulling away, her lip sliding back from between Bella's teeth. Bella watched as she sat up, lips swollen and hair a mess and turned to face away from her. "What's the matter, Alice?" Bella asked, sitting up also.

"I'm done," Alice answered plainly, hopping off of the bed.

"You're done?" Bella repeated skeptically.

"Yeah, I'm done." Alice then gave her a sweet smile and bounded over to her bed where she pulled out her sketchbook and proceeded to ignore the rest of the world. Bella bit down on her bottom lip and sat at the edge of the bed looking at the floor. She was done. Simple as that. Goddammit. Bella shook her head violently. How many times was she going to do this? Seriously? She looked over at the pixie again and groaned, feeling like she had in Carlisle's office. She was disgusted with Alice, disgusted with herself. She had to get out of here. Her casted hand started to ache and she relished in the feeling. More. She had to have more. Before Alice could turn the page of her sketchbook, she was out the door.

The halls were empty save for an orderly or two standing at either end of it. It was too quiet. So quiet that it stung her ears. She began humming to herself and headed to the room where group was usually held. She remembered there being a desk in there. Surely there was something she could find in there. As Bella walked through the door, she saw it just to her left and ran over to it. She grabbed for the first drawer she could find and attempted to wrench it open, only to find that it was stuck. Locked. She tried the other three to no avail. The pressure inside of her was welling up painfully and she began to cry. She looked around the room frantically for anything else. There were chairs but she didn't know what she could do with them. Giving up, she sat in one and began to sob as feelings of Edward, Alice, home and life coursed through her mind, reminding herself of what a failure she was. And here she thought she was getting better. So she was pathetic and stupid.

As she held her face in her hands, she felt a warm light coming into her eyes. Looking up, she squinted out the windows and noticed that the sun had decided to make an appearance today. The windows. Bella rose from her chair quickly and practically leapt toward them, attempting to unlatch them. She was unsuccessful but remained firm. Slowly, she placed a hand on the glass. It was normal sized glass… easy enough. Bella lowered her hand and eyed the both of them. The casted hand would hurt worse but she didn't want to injure it further and deem it entirely unusable. So, the right hand would have to do. Bella lifted it and watched as she slowly balled it into a fist. Then she took a step back from the window and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath before sent her fist flying toward the window, waiting for the sound of broken glass. But it did not come.

Nor did the pain come. Rather, her fist was stopped short by someone. Knowing that she was about to get into some serious trouble, Bella hesitantly opened her eyes. Her wrist was being held by a strong, dark tan hand. Jacob. Slowly, she looked up at him, and winced at the glare he was giving her. "The fuck do you think you're doing, emo? Huh? I should kick your ass now and show you some real fucking pain!" Clearly, he was livid and Bella shied away from him as best as he could with his grip on her hand. He held it tighter and she let out a soft groan. Then she felt herself falling backwards. She caught herself but quickly noticed that Jacob had let her go. He stood staring at her now, his growing bright with a couple of tears. "I'm…sorry," he murmured, looking at his own hand before driving it through the window himself. He grunted in pain and fell to a squatting position in the floor, holding it. Bella stood watching him, unsure of what to do. And suddenly, the pressure was gone. And her comfort zone was back. She recognized this, remembered this. And she knew what she usually did. She squatted down next to Jacob and grabbed his bleeding hand. It didn't look as if it was cut all that badly but it was swelling.

"Jacob," she murmured. "It's okay. Don't worry about it. You were just trying to help me. I'm the stupid one. And I'm sorry." Jacob looked up and smiled at her before he turned his head towards the doorway. The shattering glass had sounded the orderlies and their quick footsteps were fast approaching. Jacob chuckled and nudged Bella away from him. "Get outta here, emo. You don't need to be in anymore trouble. Take the doorway over there." He nudged his head toward the left and Bella followed his eyes.

"I kind of like getting in trouble," she teased, winking at him. Jacob smiled again but also nudged her again

"Do as I say and get out of here," he commanded. Bella stood obediently and jogged towards the door. Before she left, she stole one more glance back and noticed for the first time that, when the light was shining through the windows like that, Jacob Black was a very attractive man.


	14. Chapter 14

Colloquy

It had been about four days since the incident… or, incidents, rather. And in that time Bella had made a marvelous revelation. She didn't need Alice. She didn't need Edward. But Jacob, however, was proving to be quite a necessity at the moment. Bella couldn't even deny this fact from herself. She wanted him, craved him, needed him. In her own mind, Bella felt that she deserved Jacob. She deserved better than Edward. And Jacob was better. She knew this. And, thankfully for her, Jacob also seemed to want her. And, despite her best efforts, Bella couldn't help but feel…special that she was wanted by someone. Wanted by someone not for just periods of make-out times or for a quick ego boost but for all the time. It certainly was refreshing. In fact, Bella mulled, as she sat on her bed with her head in a book, she hadn't thought about Alice for almost three days in the way she once had. Sure, the girl slept in the same room with her, dressed in the same room with her and still made the same bizarre intrusions on Bella, but Bella had thought nothing of it. She no longer sought for a deeper meaning in the enigmatic Alice. She just took it as it came. And that seemed to be suiting the both of them fine. As far as Bella could tell she was still her strange, kooky self.

Bella had gotten up early this morning, around six a.m., and was now lying under the covers, staring at the cast on her left hand. Written in poorly attempted cursive was the only named scribed on her cast: Jacob's name. She sighed happily and held the cast to her chest, cuddling it as if it were a doll or the boy himself. Then she lifted her hand and kissed the signature. From under the covers, she heard Alice shift from her bed. Bella paused, listening, and after a few moments she heard the smaller girl's feet on the tile, walking towards her. Before Bella could steal a glance at what was going on, she felt the sheets being lifted from her head. "Hi," Alice chirped in a voice a little too loud for hour. Bella winced as she spoke but managed a smile, turning back to her cast.

"Morning, Alice…how are you?"

"Oh, you know cats and dogs."

"Cats and dogs?"

"Is that not the right terminology? Ew… that word sounds like a worm," she giggled as she climbed into bed with Bella. "I realized in my bed over there far, far away that I haven't come to sleep with you in awhile. Is it okay?"

"It's always okay, Alice," Bella humored, rolling her eyes. Alice thanked her and snuggled up to Bella's left side, closing her eyes and sighing, her breath warming Bella's arm. Bella smiled down on her and raised her arm to place it around the other girl's shoulder. Alice grabbed the cast and lowered herself a little in the bed to get a better look at it. She found Jacob's signature and traced her finger along the marker.

"Jacob signed your cast. I didn't know that anyone had signed your cast."

"Yep, he was the first," Bella answered with a hint of pride. Alice's eyebrows rose at her tone but she neglected to comment on it.

"Can I sign it?"

"Do you want to?"

"Uh…duh,"

Bella laughed and shrugged. "Sure, go ahead. Just don't write over Jacob's."

"Well, given that he took up an entire inch of space on your otherwise empty cast, I know I will prevail over this task." Bella glared at Alice's remark but the shorter girl only smiled and hopped out of the bed, running over to her drawer where she grabbed a marker. Bella sighed, stretching as she sat up in bed, and extended her arm to Alice, who grabbed it and proceeded to sit Indian style on the floor with it. Bella looked down on her and noticed that she had turned her arm so that she couldn't see what she was writing.

"You're not going to put something dirty or stupid, are you?" she asked skeptically.

"Psh, I outgrew that a long time ago…in a galaxy far, far away. I wanna watch Star Wars! Do you think they have it here? But not the first one, the one with the fat wormy thing. The 'terminology' thing," she giggled. Bella couldn't help but return it a bit and adjusted herself to where she was more comfortable.

"Jabba the Hut is the terminology thing."

"Yeah! And Carrie Fisher is wearing that painful looking bikini. That's my favorite one. But my favorite ice cream is butter pecan."

"Easy, tiger, don't hurt yourself," Bella soothed, patting Alice on the head. Alice laughed and jerked her head away before writing again. Bella could see that her hand was moving slowly, as if she were drawing something. She tried to lean over and get a better look but it was to no avail.

"Are you coming to group today?" Alice asked, capping the marker.

"Yeah, I thought I would," Bella answered. Jacob almost always went to group. And she hadn't seen him for two days. Yesterday he had to stay in his room. No one would tell her why. Though she assumed it was because of the broken glass incident he'd saved her from. She'd spent the entire day in her room also, lying under the covers, admiring her cast again.

"Yay! We've all missed you, Bella." She smiled and let go of Bella's hand before running over to the drawers, slipping her undershirt over her head. Bella looked down at her cast. Alice had drawn a picture of someone with short spiked hair, herself, that was smiling with a missing tooth. Below the picture and written in beautiful handwriting was, 'Like this hand, we'll get better soon. Love, Alice.'

Bella smiled to herself, her cheeks blushing. "That's cute, Alice. Thank you."

"I write the truth," Alice answered with a grin. "Now put your clothes on so we can go get some breakfast!" She ran over to Bella and ripped the covers off the bed, proceeding to slap the taller girl wherever there was exposed skin.

"Fine, fine, okay!" Bella shouted, throwing her pillow at Alice as she hopped out of bed. Alice laughed and threw the pillow back on the bed before sitting on her own to wait for Bella. When Bella was ready to go, Alice looped her arm through hers and proceeded to lead the way down the hall. They passed Jacob's room on the way and Bella stared at it as they passed. It was shut and from the crack in the bottom of the door the lights appeared to be turned off. Assuming that he was already in the cafeteria, Bella quickened pace, practically dragging the shorter girl behind her.

"Stop going so fast, Bella-Long Legs!" Alice whimpered as they rounded a corner sharply. Bella ignored her and simply let her arm fall so that she was no longer towing Alice behind. She thought she heard Alice scoff from behind her but couldn't bring herself to care. The cafeteria was only a few steps away. Jacob was only a few steps away. Just as she was about to push the doors open, Alice rushed past her, almost pushing her over, and ran in. Bella muttered some curses under her breath before walking in after her. That girl could be too much to handle sometimes and this morning was one of those times. She obviously had more important things to do this morning.

When she walked in, Bella could see the rest of the group inside already eating. Rosalie and Emmett had occupied a table to themselves in the far left corner while Jacob and Jasper sat side by side at a table in the middle. Jacob and Jasper both looked up as she entered and she watched as Jacob's glower turned into a short smile and a wink. In spite of herself, she blushed and looked away, pretending to be more absorbed in her food choices. Having more butterflies in her stomach than hunger, she chose some yogurt and fruit and headed towards the tables. Jacob looked up as she did so and waved her over with a gruff shrug of his shoulder. Bella's eyes lit up and she made her way over. She hadn't gone two steps when she looked over and noticed Alice. She was sitting by herself in her regular booth looking at Bella anxiously. Her eyes were wide and she appeared to be on the edge of her seat like she was watching some horribly thrilling scene in the movie. Bella knew what she was looking at and understood the look in her eyes. But at the moment, Jacob's eyes were far more enticing and while she managed to throw a little smile Alice's way, it grew much wider when she sat down in front of Jacob.

"Hey, emo, how are you doing?" Jacob asked, holding back his grin. Bella blushed and spooned her yogurt, well aware of Jasper's eyes upon her to her right.

"I'm really good, now that I'm sitting with you," she answered with a soft giggle. Jacob made a strange expression and then snorted, shoveling a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

"That's fucking pathetic," he laughed with milk dripping down his chin. A napkin was thrown his way by a clearly disgusted Jasper and the tan boy nodded as he wiped his face. Then he looked to Jasper while motioning to Bella. "Do you not think that's fucking pathetic? Look at this girl! She has no idea what's going on!" He was shouting now, glaring Bella's way. Bella felt her cheeks reddening but forced herself to smile. This was just Jacob's disorder lashing out, not him. She knew this. The disorder was the only thing keeping him from being himself.

"Bella," Jasper interrupted her thoughts, "I think someone was hoping you'd sit with them." Bella looked his way and watched as Jasper jerked his head to his right. She followed his motions and her eyes met up with Alice again. Only this time she wasn't looking at her. Rather, she had her head down, looking at the table or possibly lower towards her feet. Her legs swung slightly, hitting the seat of the booth and bouncing back. Her tiny feet didn't even touch the floor. In fact from Bella's angle she looked like a small child having just been yelled at. She didn't like that and so Bella looked away, choosing to watch Jacob eat instead.

"I'm not required to sit by Alice," she answered shortly. "I wanted to sit with Jacob today. He invited me."

"Yeah, I did invite you," Jacob retaliated, glaring at Jasper. "And when I tell Bella to do something, she does it. Don't you?" He looked Bella's way and she nodded eagerly, not really hearing what he had said but thankful that he wasn't so angry anymore. Jacob looked back over at Jasper and saw that his jaw appeared to be trembling. His right fist was clutching tightly onto his glass of water and his knuckles were growing pale.

"Jacob…" she said slowly, watching as the blonde's anger progressed. Jacob looked over and glared at Jasper, scooting his chair back and preparing for whatever was to come. He began to shake before throwing his head on the table and hiding his eyes. The banging sound echoed through the quiet cafeteria and everyone looked their way. Even Alice had lifted her head to see what the commotion was about. Bella also scooted her chair back, fearing the worst as the aching in her cast began. Jacob was angrily rubbing his own bandaged hand. Emmett was standing in front of Rosalie, his arms crossed like he was going to protect her. Were the moment not so tense Bella probably would have laughed at the big oaf. And laughed at the blonde behind him, eyes wide in mock fear, fanning herself.

"Don't you hear it?" Jasper asked suddenly, muffled by his arms. Jacob and Bella leaned closer to hear him better. Suddenly, Jasper raised his head, his mouth agape and his breathing heavy. He looked around quickly, leaping out of his chair. Then he screamed violently and picked up his tray, catapulting it to the other side of the room. Rosalie screamed and appeared to have passed out again while Emmett was tending to her. Jacob jumped up, his fist balled and at the ready. His other arm was extended towards Bella as if to protect her. In all of the chaos Bella managed to steal a glimpse of Alice. She was still sitting at the booth with her elbow on the table, resting her head in her hand. She was watching the scene unfold with a sort of bored expression. Then her eyes met Bella's, and the taller girl could see that she was crying. There was no mistaking the color of her eyes when she'd been sobbing. Bella had seen them too many times before. Something about them drew Bella towards her. Just as she was about to head over there, Alice broke eye contact and looked to Jasper again. Bella did the same and saw that Jasper was now on the floor, hands running through his hair and breathing slowly. Two orderlies were surrounding him, waiting for the final straw to pin him down. There were about seven seconds of silence before Jasper finally moved.

He looked up and around, then sighed before he slowly stood and waved off the orderlies. They took a few hesitant steps back and he looked down at his feet. Jacob threw his long hair behind his shoulders and scoffed, motioning to where the tray had been thrown. "You'd better pick that up, punk," he growled. Bella inhaled sharply and held her breath. Jacob was getting angry. She could sense it, sense in the way he was glaring, in his small tremors, in his eyes. Jasper looked him over, looked to the tray and sighed, letting his broad shoulders fall.

"I think I'll go sit somewhere where I'm wanted," he said softly before turning and heading over to the booth where Alice was sitting. She brightened when she saw him nearing, but not nearly enough for Bella's tastes. At least it was something. Bella exhaled slowly, watching as Jacob stared him down. He stood there for a few moments more before finally taking his seat again, the metal of the chair making a sharp sound against the tile.

"Fucking faggot," Jacob muttered slowly, crunching what was left of his cereal with his spoon. Bella smiled at him and reached her hand over to cover his. He allowed it to stay there and looked up at her, smiling once more. "Let's ditch these losers and head to group." Bella nodded and followed him obediently down the hall.

0-0-0-0-0

"Well, I heard there was an incident at breakfast today," Carlisle began, his eyes going around the room. "Would anyone like to share what went on?" He circled the room again with a look resembling that of a disappointed parent. No one wanted to look at him and yet no one could look away. Even Rosalie was remaining quiet. When no one answered Carlisle sighed and looked to Jasper. He was slouching in his chair with his head down. Had his fingers laced together and sat staring at them as they rested in his lap. "Jasper, why don't you start?"

Jasper sighed, lifting his hands and flicking them apart as if he were disgusted. "Carlisle, you know what happened. I wish you'd stop treating us as if we were children. Just ask me what you really want to ask me." Everyone except for the speaker looked toward the doctor. Much to everyone's surprise, he was smiling and looked almost impressed.

"Very well, Jasper. Why do you think you had an episode at breakfast this morning?"

"Well, I've been feeling a little stressed lately. There just seems to be a lot more drama than there was a few months ago." His eyes darted in Bella's direction for a moment before they resumed their focus on the floor. "And today at breakfast some little things set me off. I don't know why they did but those little annoyances are the last things I remember before the episode."

"What were the annoyances, Jasper?"

The room became quiet. Everyone knew that Jasper would answer the question and everyone knew that dirt was about to be brought up. It was quite an interesting feeling for Bella. The rebel in her wanted her dirt on the table. And yet there was another part of her. A part that felt uneasy, sick almost. Jasper's eyes flew around the room in the same manner as Carlisle's had before he opened his mouth again. "Bella sits with Alice every day at breakfast. It makes Alice happy and I thought that it made Bella happy also. But today, she-Bella completely snubbed Alice to sit next to Jacob and myself. Alice sat alone and looked so sad. It made me angry that Bella did this. So I asked her why and she shot off her mouth to me. Then Jacob shot off his mouth to me. Then Jacob was being an ass to Bella which made me even madder. And then, the last straw was looking over at Alice. In the midst of all of this, she was still looking at Bella with this face…I don't know how to put it. It was like she still thought Bella was going to come and sit with her. And…that's when it started."

He looked down, his cheeks flushing a vibrant red as he glanced Alice's way. But she wasn't looking at him. Rather, she was looking at Bella and Jacob's entwined hands. Carlisle nodded, smiling at Jasper once more. "You're very compassionate, Jasper, to think of Alice like you did."

"Yeah, too bad it gets me nowhere. I don't care anymore. Pick another subject, Carlisle."

"As you wish. Does anyone know what movie that famous line comes from?"

"The Princess Bride," Bella answered automatically, feeling Jacob's hand squeeze her own just a bit. Carlisle glanced at her and nodded, smiling.

"Very good, Bella. The Princess Bride. Bella, why didn't you sit with Alice today? Was there any particular reason?" All eyes fell on Bella this time, including Alice's and she sighed as she straightened a bit in her chair.

"I just…thought I'd try something different. Is there anything wrong with that?"

"No, why do you think we'd have a problem with it?"

"I don't know. But everyone seems to get pissed that I'm not at Alice's beck and call. She doesn't want me and I'm not her nanny. Jacob asked me to sit with him so I did. Big freaking deal. Can everyone just leave me alone?" Bella glared around the room watching as all of the faces resembled something of 'how dare you.' Even Carlisle looked a little unnerved at her small speech. Hoping for some comfort, she turned to Jacob, only to find him giving her the exact same look. Ashamed, she hung her head.

"Well, clearly no one wants to talk today," he said finally after some silence. "I'm…I'm a little disappointed in you all today. I want you to think about why I'm disappointed and we'll discuss it at the next group, okay? Jasper, I want to see you today. Bella, I want to see you tomorrow. You're free to leave." He dismissed the group with a wave of his hand and watched as everyone got up slowly and went their separate ways. When he was dismissed, Jacob stood up quickly and practically raced out of the room, taking Bella along with him. He kept hold of her until they were in her bedroom and when he finally let go Bella hissed in pain. He'd squeezed her rather tightly.

"What's wrong with you, Bella? You don't go saying shit like that at group! You say that when it's just you and Carlisle. Did you see her face? Did you? Jesus, do you ever think?" He was almost hysterical now and Bella felt herself shriveling against the nearest wall as he continued his tirade.

"What? What are you talking about? Who's face?" she managed to shout back before shielding herself again. Jacob paused for a moment and glared down at her. Then he took a violent swing just to the right of Bella's head and planted his fist firmly in the wall. Bella shut her eyes before she felt a sharp grip on her chin. Jacob was lifting her face to get a good look at the hole in the wall.

"Do you see how close that fist got?" he asked in a violent whisper. Bella nodded and he smiled. "Don't let it get any closer. Think before you speak, Bella." With that, he kissed her on the cheek and walked out of the room. Bella stayed leaning against the wall for some time, her hand outlining the hole in the wall. She didn't change positions until she saw Alice come in. Like breakfast, she kept her head low and greeted Bella simply before heading to her bed. Bella watched as she did so and slowly raised herself from against the wall.

"Alice, are you okay?" she half-whispered.

"That's not really your concern, is it?" The pixie turned around and surveyed the wall. Bella could see now the red splotches on her face and the stains on her cheeks from crying. The poor girl looked absolutely dreadful. "Did Jacob do that?" she asked, pointing to the wall. Bella nodded and watched as Alice scoffed before climbing into bed. "He sounds positively dreamy."


	15. Chapter 15

Birds

Alice avoided Bella for the rest of the day. In fact, everyone avoided Bella for the rest of the day. Alice spent the entire day in her bed, covered completely up. Sometimes Bella was certain she was sleeping and other times she could be seen writing in her sketchbook underneath the covers. Stupid fucking sketchbook. The more Bella stayed here the more she was beginning to despise books. Alice's sketchbook, Carlisle's notepad…all of them had caused nothing but annoying pains in her sides. They were so mysterious. She didn't like that. She liked things to be frank and right in front of her face. At one point Bella became so frustrated with Alice's behavior that she left the room. She was hoping to see Jacob, but he'd shut himself in his room. Jasper was in his meeting with Carlisle but if he weren't Bella had the feeling that he wouldn't want to see her at this particular moment. After a few minutes of roaming the halls, she did fine Esme. But she was working and while she was polite, her comments were a little short. Giving up, Bella headed back to her room where Alice appeared to have stayed in the same position the entire time, and napped.

Due to the nap, Bella was wide awake when nighttime rolled around. The lights were shut off automatically but the cloudy sky reflected enough through their window that she was able to get a shadowed view of the room. Alice had lifted her head above the covers and was facing the wall. Bella watched her closely and determined that she was still awake too. It made sense; Alice had slept just as much as she did if not more. However throughout the course of the day Alice hadn't made any attempt to establish a conversation or even glance Bella's way. And Bella couldn't deny…she was feeling a little neglected. Testing the waters, Bella called out to the girl.

"Alice, are you awake?"

Her question was answered with a sigh of annoyance and the shuffling of covers. So, yes, she was awake…but she was pissed. Bella huffed loudly to ensure that Alice heard her and rolled over forcefully. She really didn't see what the big deal was. She had spoken the truth and if Alice couldn't handle it then she shouldn't dish it out…or something. That didn't really make sense in Bella's mind but she was too lazy or tired to correct it. What she wasn't tired or lazy enough to not mess with was Alice. She knew that she shouldn't let the crazy kid get to her but dammit she did! Every time! Bella rolled over again and saw that Alice was now facing her direction, but her eyes were clamped shut.

"Alice Brandon if you don't open your eyes and speak to me I'm coming over there!" Bella shouted. If she did go over there, she had no idea what she would do, but she was hoping that Alice would just take the hint of the threat and open her eyes. Alice shifted the covers a bit and let out another sigh that Bella was getting tired of hearing. But eventually, she opened her eyes.

"I'm trying to sleep, Bella," she said coldly, glaring at the taller girl.

"Well it's not happening is it? You were sleeping on and off all day."

"How interesting, you don't want to be my nanny and yet you can't leave me the fuck alone! Man, you're nuts."

"If that's not the pot calling the kettle black..."

"Stop being racist, General Custer!"

Bella sighed angrily. She hated when Alice acted stupid. She'd gotten to the point where she could tell when Alice was really having word salad or when she was just saying things to get her way. This was one of those times where it was the latter situation. It was just like Alice to avoid confrontation. Just like it was like Alice to toy with everyone around her to make her life okay in this hell hole. Bella was getting sick and tired of it.

"What is wrong with you, Alice? Why are you acting like this?"

"Like what?" she shouted back, sitting upright in her bed. I followed, slapping my feet to the floor. Alice wrenched the sheets off from around her and cast them aside. And even in the dim lighting, Bella could see, very well, that the poor girl was stark naked.

Naked as a jaybird and crazy as a loon.

The most logical explanation that Bella could come up with was that she'd gotten hot being under the covers all day. But that certainly wasn't an excuse. And Bella couldn't help it. She looked. And quite frankly enjoyed what she saw but couldn't dwell on it. Alice had risen from the bed now and was headed over to her. She kept walking until she was towering over Bella. Quickly averting her head to the right, Bella attempted to look up at her but couldn't without coming across certain obstructions. "Like what?" Alice asked again but a bit quieter.

"You've been nothing but a bitch since Jacob and I started dating," Bella answered, still looking away. Alice scoffed above her.

"Dating? You're in a mental institution, Bella! He made…" She paused to crawl over Bella's bed and then pointed at the hole in the wall. "He made this hole in the wall when he wanted it to be your face. So yeah, maybe I'm a little bitter. But that's because you're a moron."

Bella felt her cheeks going red as Alice traced the hole in the wall sarcastically. The rage within her was boiling over and she knew she was close to the edge. Speaking of, Alice was teetering dangerously close to the edge of her bed. In an attempt to reel in her anger, Bella reached out and tapped Alice on the knee. It sent her flailing back onto the floor. She knew it wouldn't hurt the pixie. She would fall on her butt and Bella knew from experience that the girl had enough cushioning. Alice growled from her new position on the floor and before too long her spiked hair came into view. Bella smirked to herself. She looked like some monster hiding under the bed.

"Gee, real mature," Alice muttered as she rubbed her bottom, climbing back on the bed. The action seemed to have done them both some good. Both were still angry, but more controlled. Alice falling had in a way brought them down from their rage induced lunacy. "But you're still a moron." The name calling once again got Bella riled up and she crossed her arms, admittedly, immaturely.

"How am I moron?" she shrieked a bit too loudly, causing Alice to twitch. Then Alice smiled, rolling her eyes at the other girl.

"Because you can't see."

"Can't see what?" Bella was far beyond consoling now. She wanted answers. She wanted straight answers. She hated all of this cryptic, confusing shit that she'd been dealing with since she arrived here. And Alice had been dishing it out more than anyone else. And for some damn reason, she was the one that Bella focused on more. She watched in the dark as Alice grinned and crawled over to her in a cat-like manner. Bella let her crossed arms fall, scooting back to the front of her bed to where she was against the wall. She hadn't forgotten that Alice was nude, and this little act of hers was making it really difficult not to focus on that detail.

Alice made her way all the way up to Bella until their faces were just inches apart. Alice's smoldering eyes were pouring into Bella's own. And Bella was starting to get just a tad uncomfortable. Her cast was aching and she closed her eyes to escape the other girl, trying desperately to fill her thoughts with Jacob. But Alice's warm breath on her lips really wasn't helping with that attempt. Bella held her breath out of habit. Her lungs were always out of sorts when this pixie was around and in her little vixen moods. For the briefest of moments, Alice's lips brushed against hers. It was such a soft gesture that had Bella not been secretly awaiting it, she probably wouldn't have felt it. Then just as quickly they were off of her. Bella opened her eyes to find Alice looking at her with a grin that looked most definitely like it could eat shit.

"You can't see what you could be having," Alice murmured before flicking Bella's nose and hopped off of the bed. Bella watched her intently as she sauntered back over to her bed well aware of how good she looked doing it. Alice crawled under the covers again and hid her head from view. All of Bella's steam had been whisked away in one touch. She was in a perfectly foul mood to really do some damage and Alice had taken it away, leaving her nothing but exhausted after it all.

"Bitch," Bella muttered under her breath as she rolled over to face the wall.

"You know it!" came the reply before Bella finally succumbed to sleep.

She woke up about three hours later and noted instantly that Alice was still asleep. Bella sighed, stretching as silently as she could. The last thing she wanted was to wake Alice up and have it result in World War III. So, without a sound, Bella grabbed her bathroom supplies and headed out the door. The showers were empty and Bella couldn't help but be thankful for that. No one really wanted to see her so in turn she didn't want to see them either. The water was bitingly hot against her skin and she watched as her fair complexion turned red before her very eyes. She washed slowly and carefully, her mind elsewhere. Inadvertently, she realized after a few moments, she'd climbed into the same shower that she had on her first day. Just as she made the realization, she half expected Alice to rip open her shower curtain, naked and dripping, and ask for a razor.

She didn't, of course, but Bella still thought about it for a few minutes more. When Alice didn't appear, Bella went back to her hygienic tasks. The water was still hot when she finished, one of the perks of staying in a place like this. She stepped out cautiously, noting the wet tile beneath her feet and headed over to a mirror.

Looking like hell would have been desirable at this point. The purple rings beneath her eyes were taking on the most horrible looking green shade and her face was breaking out. She couldn't remember the last time she'd tweezed her eyebrows and it was showing. Her hair, while still wet, was frizzing all around her head, signs of abuse or neglect at the very least. She really hadn't been taking good care of herself. But then again no one here was either so why did it matter. Bella was starting to realize that the more she stayed at this place, the less she started to care about things such as hair and makeup. She wondered briefly if that was the intent, to drive people away from immaterial things. It certainly made sense, but what did she know? She shifted her footing a bit and felt the clunking of something against the sink. Looking down, she noticed, for the first time in a long time, her cast. When was she going to get this stupid thing off? How long had she had it on? In a matter of days, she'd completely lost track of time. This place wasn't working. All it was doing was making her more insane.

Bella had never felt such anger before. Not when Edward hit her, not when Jacob terrified her, not even the fight with Alice last night. No, the idea that all of this was for nothing. That was what caused the flush in her cheeks. Clutching tightly to the towel around, Bella ran out of the bathroom, managing not to slip once on the wet floor. Her feet slapped the tile as she sprinted down the empty hallway. Her wet hair stung against her shoulders as it smacked with every bounce of her run. She thought she might have seen a glimpse of Esme as she rounded a corner but paid no mind to her. Carlisle's office was just a few more steps away.

The door was unlocked and flew open easily as she rushed in. Carlisle, who was sitting at his desk, jumped up and walked briskly over to her. "Is something wrong, Bella?" he asked as he grabbed her unbroken arm and flipped it over to expose her wrist. Bella jerked it away and stumbled back from him. "Are you hurt?" he asked again, though calmer.

"No, I'm not hurt. But I am fucking pissed!" she shouted, throwing herself on the couch.

"Why are you pissed…and in a towel? Is this discussion that important?"

Bella nodded. "Yes, it was, Carlisle. I want to know why the hell I haven't gotten better yet! I've only gotten worse. I swear, the more I stay here the crazier I become. Is this your idea of therapy?"

"Bella, it's only been a few weeks. Were you expecting to make more progress than you have or were you expecting to be better?"

"I was expecting…I was…I don't know! I was expecting things to be a lot different than what they are."

"Would you care to explain?" Carlisle sat down on the chair opposite Bella and crossed his legs. Bella stared him down for a few minutes. His calm expression never changed. And she couldn't deny she respected that for some reason. And all at once, she felt her anger slowly easing out of her, until she was nothing but a sad little girl…again. So much for that bout of anticlimactic melodramatics. She sighed, shaking her head as she tried to adjust the towel around her. Carlisle gestured to a blanket behind her and she used it eagerly, her cheeks reddening from her antics. She was no Alice, that was for sure.

"I just," she answered finally, "I just wanted things to be different."

"How so?"

"I don't know. I wanted to be happier or at least feel like I had the potential to be happy. I wanted to feel appreciated or something. I wanted to feel like I was getting better." She looked down at her bare knees, clenching her jaw to stop the tears. Leave it to this place to really make her feel worthless. She thought Edward had done a good job of that but apparently he was just the beginning of it all.

"How did you think that would happen?" Carlisle had uncrossed his legs and was now leaning forward in his chair; seemingly hanging on to Bella's every word. A nice sentiment, she thought. Bella closed her eyes for a moment, remembering every movie she'd seen relating to this. She supposed this was her first flaw, thinking that this was going to be something like a movie. It was nick named HollowWood for a reason.

"I don't know…. I guess I thought I'd get this wonderful revelation and I would make some big admission. Everyone would clap and slowly but surely I would get better."

Carlisle chuckled. "Sorry, Bella, but I don't think Rosalie would clap for you unless you fell do your death right in front of her." Bella couldn't help it, she returned the laugh. Rosalie doing anything positive towards her was too farfetched even for crazy people to comprehend. When Carlisle calmed down, he smiled generously at her. "Well, I'm sorry that we haven't held ourselves up to your expectations. But do you really think we're to blame? I mean, if there was ever a time when one of us wasn't here for you please let me know and I'll do my best to correct it."

Bella sighed. She couldn't argue with that. She didn't even have to think about it. "Well…that's not what I meant. I mean, I've never been bothered by you guys. I just seem to be…abused by the others."

"Really? Why didn't you tell us?" Carlisle was looking concerned now and possible a little annoyed. Bella held up her hands in defense.

"Not physically…just emotionally or something. I mean, Jacob can be totally cruel, Jasper's nuts and Alice just manipulates the hell out of me. Just this morning, just this morning she crawls on top of me naked, Carlisle, buck naked! What am I supposed to do with that?"

"How did you feel when Alice did that? What were you discussing when it happened?"

"I…uh… we were discussing Jacob. Alice is pissed at him for making a hole in the wall. She was already naked because she got hot under the sheets I think. But it was like she didn't notice or care. And we were fighting about him because Jacob's a damn good guy, Carlisle! You know it! But she doesn't! Then, she just…crawled on top of me and gave me a strange…sensation. And, Carlisle, I think I liked it." Bella's cheeks flushed at the admission. Carlisle was too damn easy to talk to and she knew it. Carlisle smiled just a bit before looking down at his hands.

"Well, Bella, I think it's been established that you like a little abuse. The question is why. Do you know the answer?" Bella shook her head. "Maybe we'll talk about it later. Would you like to discuss why everyone, myself included, looked so irritable after group yesterday?" Bella nodded. "Well, Bella, there are certain things that are best not said in mixed company. Jasper has told me that he talked to you about your outbursts once or twice before. He's trying to help you. These clients of mine are mentally unsound. They have difficulty dealing with issues of any sort. So for you to throw them in their face, they can't handle it. They may realize it and even know it, but can't handle what comes with it. It's my job to diagnose them, not yours. You're more than welcome to say what you want when you want, but if you want to attempt to stay on everyone's good sides, keep your comments about them to yourself, okay?"

"Okay, Carlisle," Bella answered, lowering her head. Disappointing Carlisle was like swearing in front of the Pope. It didn't feel good and made you feel damn ashamed of yourself. "Carlisle…what about Alice? What am I supposed to do with her? She's so confusing and misleading and…I don't know what to do. I can't handle her."

"Well, Bella, you have to decide that for yourself. If you'd like, I can certainly move you to another room again. But Alice clearly has some level of attachment to you be it platonic or otherwise. She'll probably follow your lead. But you have to decide where to lead first. Does that make sense?"

"Yes…" Bella answered quietly. That didn't help at all. Carlisle was supposed to help her with this shit. Sure, she should learn things on her own but couldn't he cut her some slack? Any at all? Apparently not. Thinking of Alice was starting to give her a massive headache. So she switched her thoughts elsewhere, to a certain tan man. Jacob filled her thoughts and her headache when away rather suddenly. Alice may have been enticing and wonderful and all of the sort when she was sane, but that was only on good days. Jacob was the same all of the time, sane or not. And here, in this type of place, Bella needed stability, not insanity. "Thanks, Carlisle," she said finally, standing. "I think you've really helped."

"No problem, Bella. Don't hesitate to come by again," Carlisle replied as he walked her to the door. Bella nodded and headed down the hallway at a much slower pace. After a change of pace, she was going to pay a visit to Jacob. They had a lot to discuss.


	16. Chapter 16

Hidden

Bella started to shiver as she made her way down the hallway. Water from her hair was beading down onto her shoulders and cooling on her skin instantly, the air from her pace allowing goosebumps to form. However, she was too determined to care. A smile was touching at the corner of her lips and she flipped her hair to the side, enjoying the wet slapping sound that her ears received from it. When she reached the appropriate hallway, she slowed her steps significantly. Now that she was almost there, she should work on what she was going to say to him. What could she say to him that wouldn't set him off? She loved him that was for sure. She cared for him. She wanted to be with him and only him. She would honor and obey him. Bella laughed to herself as she the bathrooms. She was starting to sound like she was practicing her wedding vows. Who knows, maybe she would end up needing them in the long run. The thought of marrying Jacob allowed the grin on her face to grow wider and she accepted wholeheartedly.

A moment later, she passed by her own room, and stopped. Silently, she placed her ear to the door and listened for any sound or movement. Nothing but silence returned her actions and she smiled, feeling a sort of relief well through her. Alice wasn't her concern. And while she had told herself that, told the whole world that, she was just now starting to believe it. No matter how convincing her little speeches had been, there was always a part of her that hurt for Alice when she spoke of what she was feeling. And it hurt her to see Alice's little expressions; it hurt to watch her mannerisms. The girl just hurt her, plain and simple. She didn't want that in her life. And thus was the reason as to why she was standing at Jacob's door.

From the space on the bottom of the door, she could see a light on. He had to have been awake. She raised her hand slowly, maneuvering it towards the door. A rustling was heard from inside and she paused, listening. It stopped quickly enough and she took a deep breath before she placed her hand against the door and knocked twice. There was no answer for a few seconds and she briefly considered knocking a third time. Just as her fist was about to make contact with the door again, it was opened. Standing in front of her, glad only in a pair of loose fitting athletic shorts, was Jacob. He was rubbing his eyes as if he'd just woke up but he smiled at her nonetheless. "Good morning, Bella. Interesting…outfit." He smiled wider and gestured to her towel. Bella blushed and gripped it tightly around her. As she did she felt his eyes on her. While Bella couldn't deny his staring, (she was a girl of average height and weight standing before him in a towel) she couldn't help but feel a bit weirded out. It wasn't the same when Alice had looked her over in the shower. This was much more…invasive.

However, she was just as guilty as she was violated. For in the four seconds or so that Jacob raked his eyes over her, she did the same to him. His muscles were defined and large even though he didn't appear to be flexing. Were it not for his height Bella would have suspected steroids. But he was tall and his build fit him, not to mention made sense giving the intense workouts she'd often seen him put himself through. Jacob moved to lean against the door and Bella quickly lifted her eyes to find him smiling. "Jacob," she started to clear the tension between them, "may I come in?"

"Sure, sure," he answered, standing aside to allow her into the room that she soon learned was a single.

"How'd you manage your own room?" she asked as she went to sit on the ruffled bed. Jacob shrugged and dove to the floor, picking up some of the clutter and shoving it into assorted drawers. It was just general guy stuff consisting of clothes, candy wrappers pens and pencils. When he finally felt it suitable enough to not be embarrassing, he turned and gave an awkward chuckle. Bella smiled at him, thankful that he was in a good mood.

"Carlisle says that it's best that I'm alone in case I get all angry and stuff."

"Am I allowed to be in here?"

"Probably not, but if they let you run around in a towel I'd say they've got bigger problems on their hands."

Bella giggled softly, adjusting the towel down her thigh as best as she could. Jacob sat down a few inches away from her and exhaled slowly. "So, what did you want to talk about?" Bella nodded, running her tongue across her bottom lip.

"Well, I was taking a shower this morning and-

"Yeah, I gathered that."

"And, I had this revelation. So I went to see Carlisle and we talked, you know. We talked about you and me and Alice and me and all sorts of shit. And then I realized, I realize, Jacob that I can't handle Alice. I mean she's just full of ups and downs and I'm not in the right state of mind to handle that right now." Bella laughed incredulously and ran a hand through her soaking hair. Jacob wiped some of the water off of her shoulder, letting his fingers linger.

"What's your point?" he asked quietly. Bella sighed as his fingers left her skin, wishing somewhere deep down that they'd remained. But she quickly regained her composure and smiled at him.

"The point is that I realized I'm totally smitten with you, Jacob. I…I love you. You're everything that I want and need. And I promise that even if you feel an inkling of the same thing I'll make it worth your while. So what do you say? You wanna give this a shot?" She smiled at him again, exhaling with relief. Jacob was staring intently into her eyes, his lips pursed into a tight line.

"You're serious, Bella? You love me?"

"Serious as a broken wrist." She held up her casted arm and listened to his soft chuckle. He nodded and inched just a little closer. Bella felt his lips brush on hers almost instantly and had to work to return the kiss instead of smiling. It was slow and sweet at first as Jacob's hand brushed up against her cheek before working its way through her soaking hair.

"You taste so clean," he murmured, causing Bella to giggle and wrap her arms around his neck. Jacob moaned slightly and soon Bella felt herself being pushed down onto the bed. Before she had time to react, Jacob pushed his knee in between her legs, resting it there. Bella groaned and sat up just in time to stop his hands before they reached for her towel. He glared at her out of confusion and she smiled, running her hands down his long hair. "What's the matter?" he asked. "I thought you loved me."

"I do, Jacob. It's just…I don't want to yet."

"You don't want to yet." His voice was cold, mocking and Bella felt her heart beginning to race for an entirely different reason. "You come in here in nothing but a fucking towel, admit your love for me and then suddenly 'you don't want to yet?' Well, you're not getting off that easy." Bella opened her mouth to scream only to have Jacob throw his powerful hand over it. She began to struggle as best as she could but Jacob was far too strong. He laid her back down on the bed almost easily and placed a pillow over her face. Bella turned her head, breathing out from the side. She began to shake uncontrollably as the realization hit her. If she struggled under the pillow, she would asphyxiate herself. The only thing she could do was wait until Jacob finished or someone found them. Bella closed her eyes, feeling the cold air hit her body as Jacob wrenched the towel from under her and threw it to the floor.

She heard him growl and felt his warm, coarse hands on her body. As best as she could, she tried to kick him. She hit something and heard Jacob let out a grunt of pain. Before she could even consider what a horrible idea that was, she felt a hand on her chin, turning her face up into the pillow and holding it there. "Guess you don't want foreplay," Jacob whispered harshly in her ear. "That's fine by me. Let's just hope that you can hold your breath long enough for me to finish…" Bella tried to scream but it came out as nothing but a coarse gasp through the pillow and tried to close her legs. Jacob appeared to be square in the middle of them however. She heard very distinctive sounds and began to cry as she waited for the single worst moment of her life.

Edward had forced her sometimes, but she would never call it rape. She always submitted to him in the end, no matter how wretched it made her feel. And she'd had a few guys before him that weren't cruel, but very insensitive. But never, never in her miserable life had she ever been what she constituted as rape. And it was now, as she was certain that she would either die during this or kill herself soon after, she realized how shitty her life was. It was so shitty, it took a rape to make herself see it. That must have been pretty bad. Jacob called her some name that she really didn't understand and she knew that it was coming. She took as deep a breath as she could and tensed her entire a body.

The weight on top of her shifted harshly and then was gone. Bella sat up instantly, throwing the pillow off of her and letting out a violent scream. It wasn't until she'd run out of breath that she even saw what had happened. Jacob was rolling on the floor as Jasper tried desperately to pin him down. Two orderlies were trying to pull them apart. Bella stared at it, her head lolling dangerously as she started to feel faint. Her whole body was shaking and she felt as if she were about to throw up. And she did, lowering herself to the edge of the bed and emptying the contents of her stomach quickly. She sat up lazily and tried to feel around for her something to cover herself with, although her vision was blurred.

Someone placed a hand on hers and she jumped, letting out a small shriek. She could hear the sound of the scuffle still occurring on the floor and relaxed just a bit at knowing that Jacob was still detained. Slowly, she lifted up her head and tried to focus on the person in front of her. It was too white for her to see who it was but she did know that whoever it was, was slowly helping her off of the bed, helping to wrap the towel around her. Bella, unable to hold herself up as her legs were so numb, leaned against the figure and used it as support. The unknown being looped their arm around Bella's waist and held her close, practically carrying her down the hall. Through the entire time Bella had no idea where they were going. Her mind was racing at miles to the minute while her body struggled desperately to wake itself up from the shock it was preparing itself for. The figure adjusted Bella slightly and was able to walk more gracefully because of it. Almost unconsciously, Bella reached up and across the person's chest for more support. From that sleuth maneuver she deducted that this person was a woman.

While still racing, Bella was able to run through the list of women she knew at this godforsaken place. Rosalie, Esme and Alice. The first one was out; Esme and Alice were still in. Looking up again at the face, Bella noticed that whoever it was had a glowering expression. It must have been Alice. Alice was most likely still pissed at her, although she was not a bad enough person to leave her there. So that explained the glowering expression. They stopped and Bella heard the sound of a door opening. Her eyes slowly becoming more focused, she noticed that it was her own door. Alice was taking her to bed, the dear. Feeling somewhat safe, Bella allowed herself to close her eyes and simply let Alice do the work of placing her on the bed.

She did it without complaint and as soon as she was settled, Bella opened her eyes, noting with relief that they had returned to their focus. Alice was sitting on the edge of her bed cross-legged and staring at her with a worried expression. "Are you alright, Bella?" she whispered softly, leaning over to place a hand against her cheek. Bella nodded, smiling softly. "Good," she said before removing her hand and bringing it back across Bella's cheek in a slap. The taller girl shot up in bed, grabbing at her cheek, and retreated to the edge of her bed.

"What the fuck, Alice?" she shouted, close to tears. Alice licked her lips and crawled up close to Bella, her brows furrowed in an intimidating glare.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Showing up at Jacob Black's door dripping wet under nothing but a towel? Christ, Bella he could have killed you! If those cameras weren't there and if Jasper hadn't heard… You're just a fucking idiot, aren't you?" Any ounce of concern that Alice had for the girl was instantly consumed by rage. She just didn't understand Bella. She didn't understand why she thought she couldn't do better than Jacob Black or her other boyfriend. She didn't understand why she didn't seem to have any sense of self preservation and she didn't understand why it was so hard to get all of this information through her thick skull. She felt tears lining her eyes and she brushed them away angrily. She wasn't going to cry for Bella, she wasn't.

Bella rubbed her cheek and looked at the shorter girl. She looked so pissed off and sad. And for the first time, Bella didn't care. "Forgive me, Alice, but I was almost just fucking raped! Do you think you could give me a second before you start the abuse too?" She was sobbing now, a massive ball of hysteria on the beginning of her bed. Alice looked taken aback and Bella watched as she reached her hand out, assumingly to stroke her aching cheek. Rage filled within her as she saw that beautiful, petit hand stretching out towards her. She didn't want that thing to touch her. Bella glared at it, reaching out to smack it away before burying her head in her knees.

"Get away from me, you fucking freak," she murmured. The room was dead silent and in that silence, Bella could hear the small whimper that escaped the pixie. She looked up just in time to see a single tear fall down her cheek before Alice rose from the bed and bolted out the door. Bella watched her go, wondering what it was that she'd just done. Then her eyes fell to the left, where her bed was. Sitting on top of the bed, alone and vulnerable, was the sketchbook.

That fucking sketchbook was just three strides away.

Alice had left the door open and she could hear the sounds of people running down the hall. She knew they were coming for her. Coming to make sure she was alright, that she wasn't trying to kill herself. Anything else that they may be concerned with. Standing quickly on shaking legs, Bella ran over to Alice's bed and grabbed the sketchbook. She barely had enough time to stuff it under her own mattress before Carlisle came in with Esme at his side. He looked out of breath and enraged.

"Bella, are you alright?"

She nodded.

"Then come with me."

Bella nodded and followed him out the door. She could hear the sounds of a struggle coming from down the hall and sirens out front. Her legs felt dizzy again as all of the memories came flooding back to her. Seeing Alice had momentarily shocked the fear out of her and while she was still livid with the girl she couldn't help but miss the ignorant bliss. And yet, even after the attack, all she could think of was the sketchbook.

That stupid fucking sketchbook.

That was hiding comfortably under her mattress.


	17. Chapter 17

Hot Pink

The noise had died down significantly when Bella left her room. In fact, it was eerily quiet. She didn't like it. All that she could hear was the rustling of Carlisle's coat as he walked briskly down the hall. He led her all the way town to his office and allowed her in. However once she was inside Carlisle did not follow her in but shut the door behind her. Rather, he slammed it behind her and Bella jumped at the sound. She then stood there in front of the door, waiting for a few moments to see if he would come back. When he didn't she sighed and sat down on the couch in her usual spot between the second and third cushion. Still in her towel, she began to shiver and looked around for a blanket. There was one behind her and she quickly took it and wrapped it around her shaking body. The effect wasn't immediate but knowing that it would come soon calmed her down.

She didn't like being alone in the room. She didn't want to be alone right now. Her body began to shiver for reasons other than the cold and she pulled her knees to her chest. Images of Jacob kept flashing through her mind and she began to hum to distract herself. Boy, she must have looked like such a nut. Sitting in a fetal position with her eyes shut humming. Bella laughed quietly at the thought and opened her eyes, staring towards the door. She could hear voices coming from outside but thought against going out to investigate. Carlisle didn't appear to be in the mood for games today and she really wasn't looking to get yelled at again. She'd definitely had enough of that for one day. For a moment or two she tried to listen to what was going to see if she could pick up anything but the voices were too muffled. She gave up soon and instead tried to empty her mind. That worked for a bit until the sound of the door swinging open woke her from her mediation. By the time she was able to look over, Carlisle was already in front of her, followed by a police officer.

"Bella, this is officer Sharp. He'd like to ask you a few questions about what happened today." Bella looked up at the overweight man with a notepad and he nodded professionally at her. She returned it, sending her hollowed eyes to the floor. Sharp coughed once, then ran through the list of questions.

"Tell us what happened. Spare no detail please and take your time. I know how hard this is for you." The brunette looked up at him and met his eyes. He actually seemed sincere, albeit a little skeptical. At least hope wasn't completely lost in the world. Bella then glanced at Carlisle noting that the angered strain that lined his brow was gone. He was staring at her intently, as a father would a daughter in the same situation. This comforted her and she took a deep breath and began.

"I was taking a shower and had a revelation. So I didn't bother with changing and came down to Dr. Cullen's office. We talked about it for a bit and I came to another revelation that brought me to Jacob's door. I told him I loved him. He invited me in and we proceeded to…well, make out. He reached for my towel and I told him I didn't want to. Then he got mad and put a pillow over my head and tried to, you know. And then-

"I'm sorry, Miss Swan, but for the sake of the report I need you to be specific. He put the pillow over your head and tried to…?"

"To…rape me." Bella swallowed hard as Carlisle shifted in his chair a bit. Deciding it best not to dwell on it for long, Bella continued without missing another beat. "But before he could, Jasper came in and took him off of me. And then someone came in and took me away. I think it was Alice but I can't be sure."

Carlisle then tapped the arm of the officer and glanced at Bella again. "It was actually Rosalie Hale that carried Bella back, if you need to speak to her." The officer nodded and Bella's head curved to the side.

"Rosalie carried me back?"

"Yes,"

"Wow, didn't see that coming."

"None of us did, Bella. Believe that." He smirked a bit and Bella returned it, thankful for a break in the tense situation. The officer asked a few more questions and Bella decided not to press charges. Carlisle informed her that he was being transferred to a more secure facility and was already gone. Bella couldn't say she would miss him. Carlisle stood and led the officer out, leaving Bella alone once more, but not for long. Less than a minute after the doctor left, Esme came in with a cup and set of clothes.

"I thought you'd like some real clothes and something to warm you up," she said as she sat the cup of what Bella could now see was tea down. Bella nodded, staring at the steaming liquid. Only when Esme brought it up did she realize how cold she was and she shivered into the thin blanket. The nurse set the clothes on the table as well and sat down next to the girl. "I hope you don't mind I went through your things. I was going to ask Alice to do it but she's a bit out of sorts this morning." When Bella didn't respond Esme looked forward and pursed her lips. "Bella, I…I know we've had our ups and downs and to be honest I'm not all that sure about how you feel about me but I want you to know that I'm here for you if you need anything, okay?"

Bella, who'd been staring at Esme the entire time, responded by throwing her arms around the nurse. She heard Esme sigh and then she turned to better embrace her. As soon as she saw Esme walk through the door, Bella felt relief wash over her. Esme was the person she'd been unknowingly pining to see. And while Bella couldn't really put her finger on why she wanted to see her so, she didn't care. Unable to stop herself, Bella began to cry into Esme's shoulder, clawing at her back in an attempt to hug her more tightly. Esme made no protest to it and rubbed the girl's back consolingly and hushing her on occasion. When Bella was finally able to calm down she pulled away. Esme smiled at her and pushed her hair behind her ears. "Well, I'll leave you to get changed. Carlisle's waiting for you to finish so whenever you're decent just open the door." Bella nodded, not being able to speak at the moment and Esme stood to leave.

Bella took her time putting on her clothes. Time seemed to going too fast for her and she wanted to counter that as much as she could. But even despite her best efforts she was dressed quickly and went to open the door to let the expecting doctor in. He nodded thanks to her as he entered and she chose to stare at the floor while she made her way back to the couch. "Do you want to talk today, Bella?" he asked softly. Bella sighed and scratched her arm. She honestly didn't know. She'd heard that in situations like this is was best to let it all out in a safe environment. And right now, this man was the safest environment she'd ever known.

"I just…I thought I could, you know, fix him or something. And yeah it sounds stupid but everyone here sees the asshole Jacob. Not the sweetheart Jacob that I know. But…I'm starting to doubt that there ever was a sweetheart Jacob. And Alice…Alice just fucking pushes me, you know? She just sends me over the edge and I want to piss her off. I want her to- like today she slapped me after the Jacob thing. And I think I like it. I like it when she shows that she cares." Bella exhaled, feeling a bit out of breath, and ran a hand through her drying hair. Carlisle sat and waited patiently in case she had any more to add. When she didn't he sighed and ran a hand over the sleeve of his coat.

"You seem to think that abuse is synonymous with love or affection. Am I correct in that assumption?"

"What?" Bella straightened on the couch and tugged at her shirt nervously. "No…no abuse is bad. I know that. I'm not stupid, it's just-

"Then why do you let people abuse you?"

"I don't."

"Yes you do."

"No I-

"Yes you do!" Carlisle shouted, slamming his hand on the coffee table in front of him. Bella jumped at the sound and nodded.

"Fine, okay, I do."

Carlisle gestured to the table and began to rub his sore palm. "Bella, I wasn't really angry. I was proving a point. Do you see how easily you caved in? I apologize. I've done the same tests to all of my clients and the only one that has simply accepted that answer is you." Bella licked her lips slowly before she nodded grudgingly. Tears were stinging behind her eyes and she maneuvered her jaw around to keep them from coming. Carlisle released his hand and let it fall to his lap. Bella sniffled a bit, her cheeks reddening.

"How did I get so weak, Carlisle? How does one become like this? I'm fucking pathetic."

"You're not pathetic, Bella," the doctor cajoled. "You're very compassionate and loving and tender. And cruel people have taken advantage of that. But that doesn't mean you're completely innocent. I've been watching your recent behavior and you can be assertive when you want to be. But I can't tell you how you got to be this way. That's your job. Was this submissiveness influenced on you by someone? Do you yourself even know?"

Bella blinked a few times, trying to comprehend all that he said. Carlisle was speaking rather quickly in comparison to their other conversations. Perhaps he was excited. Maybe they were on the verge of a breakthrough. Bella too got excited at that thought and tried to remember the questions at hand. What caused her to be submissive? What kind of question was that? Surely if she knew the answer would come more quickly to her. Maybe it was her father? He was pretty weak but…that didn't seem right. Her mother…who knew about her mother. Edward? No, she was already weak before him, wasn't she? Bella closed her eyes, trying to remember when Edward wasn't such a constant in her life. Other than the times at Westmoreland, she couldn't remember a single thing before he came along. Rather than being romantic or sweet, it made Bella feel sick. She didn't know. She knew she didn't the entire time. Feeling the excitement of a potential breakthrough leave her, she sighed and shook her head. "Sorry, Carlisle, all the people that come to mind don't seem to fit."

Carlisle gave her the typical smile that a doctor of a psyche ward gives his patients and nodded. "That's fine, Bella. It'll work out on its own. Is there anything you want to talk about in particular?" Bella thought for a moment, letting her eyes wander around the room. Of course there were hundreds of things she wanted to talk about but she couldn't take this sessions for granted. They were special, and shouldn't be wasted by talking about her dreams or a lost cause like Alice. She looked down at her feet and noticed the towel lying next to them. Feeling queasy just by its sight, she looked away and was reminded of one fairly important encounter that happened today.

"Rosalie," she said finally, causing the doctor to raise his brow. "Why did Rosalie carry me back?" Carlisle smiled and shrugged.

"I'm afraid that telling you my opinion would break the Hippocratic Oath."

"That's crap. You've told me everything about everyone."

"Bella, everything that I've told you the clients have told to group. I'm not sharing anything that they don't want everyone to know. Rosalie, however, doesn't speak much during group and has not given concession like the others, so I cannot comment on her that much. If you want to know, I suggest you talk to her."

Bella snorted and threw her hand in the air. "Right, great advice there, doc. I'm pretty sure she'd kill me and then brag about it."

"No doubt whatever encounter happens between the two of you she will brag about it. But, that doesn't mean it will end in death, Bella. Don't judge books by their covers. Even in here and even with Rosalie."

Bella huffed, thoroughly disappointed with Carlisle. Although, he had piqued her interest with Rosalie…. Maybe she would try talking to the girl…if she felt like committing suicide again. Thoughts of suicide brought Bella's back to Alice, and Alice and suicide together brought her completely clueless mind back to the sketchbook. As soon as Bella's mind landed on it she cursed. Apparently it wasn't as under her breath as she thought for as soon as she said it Carlisle looked disapprovingly at her. Bella blushed and stood. "Sorry, Carlisle, but I just remembered having a fight with Alice and I'd like to go make amends." Carlisle sighed and looked to be a little disheartened, but didn't protest. Instead, he stood and opened the door like a gentleman.

"Maybe one day we will actually finish a session, Bella. But, these are your priorities and I won't get in the way of them."

Bella stood, not really hearing his words but rather watching him. Seeing him open the door reminded her of Edward. He was always doing respectful mannerisms like getting the door and holding her chair out of her. It was those little things that were a sort of get out of jail free card. That and his smiles and the looks he sometimes gave her. Somehow those little things would make her forget about the anger and the abuse and all of the other crap she'd endured. What a fool she'd been. Nodding to Carlisle as she went, Bella headed down the hall. Speaking of fool, there was that sketchbook sitting comfortably under her mattress and she was sitting there trying to figure out Rosalie? Dumbass. Bella smirked to herself as she quickened pace down the hall. As she passed a row of windows however, she slowed and went over to them. They were large windows and overlooked the courtyard and track. Bella placed a hand on one pane of glass and looked around the area. A few people she didn't know were out in the courtyard or working out near the track. But only one person was running on the track. And that person had flamingly pink shorts on. It could only be one person. Bella smirked to herself and pretended to squish the figure with her finger before heading briskly back to her room. If Alice was running even if she stopped now it would take her ten or so minutes to get back to the room. That was plenty of time to take a good look at her little black book that was not so little.

Once inside the safety of her room, Bella shut the door and leaned against it. Her heart was racing and her hands began to shake. Bella smiled to herself. This was probably one of the most intense moments of her life. She probably should get out more. But, she'd worry about that later. Taking deep breaths to calm her heart she slid one hand under the mattress and felt around until her fingers came across the hard binding of the book. She pulled it out slowly and marveled at the cover for a moment. A part of her was sort of stuck in a surreal state of mind. She couldn't believe she was actually getting to the source of the enigmatic Alice. But, because of the dreamlike state she felt like she was in, a part of her didn't want to open the book. Because once she did, she was sure to wake up from this…was it a dream or nightmare? Bella couldn't really say at the moment. Someone shouted outside in the hall and Bella jumped. The voice was male but it still caused her paranoia to rise and she sighed as she stared at the book. It was now or never. Tracing her finger along the side of the black cover, she finally lifted it.

The first page was a sketching. It was very well done and very plainly Carlisle. Bella smiled as she noted that Alice had caught the warmth in his eyes. Turning the page brought a picture of a pistol. It looked extremely realistic even on the paper and Bella shivered as she saw it. Written all around it were random words and phrases and paragraphs. They looked to be written very quickly and Bella could only decipher bits of most of it. She caught Alice's name a few times as well as another woman's name that she assumed was her mother. One legible line read, 'Bang, you're dead! The bullet's too late.' Bella winced at that. It was a bit depressing, even for her. She read a few more lines that dealt with death and satirical suicide before she decided to move to the next page. This must have been the page for Alice's word salad. A bunch of silly doodles and faces were scattered around the page as well as little lines like 'If I were a fairy, I'd be purple. Purple is the national gay color. Poor gays. I hate purple.'

Bella smiled, reading the little anecdotes and feeling significantly better after the last page. Getting into the rhythm of the wayward style that was Alice's sketchbook, Bella began to pick up the pace, reading page after page. They ranged rather sporadically from darkly depressing to lighthearted and funny, but other than that there wasn't a lot of depth. And while Bella was getting a strange sense of satisfaction from the book, something inside of her wanted more. Though she wasn't by any means getting bored with the book, Bella flipped through the pages quickly, hoping for something that would catch her eye and perhaps be a little more thought provoking than the other drivel. Just as she was about to give up hope, a large sketch appeared among the pages. Bella flipped back to it quickly and focused on it. It was only a few pages from the end of the book and hidden between several blank leafs.

It was a sketch of her, Bella, sleeping. The covers were drawn up over her shoulders and her hair was spread around her face in a circular motion. It had already been established to the brunette that Alice could draw but this, perhaps because it was so personal, blew her away. It was so…soft, tender. Bella had never really been one for art but she could see that some care had been put into this. And she looked good in the picture. She wasn't so tired and appeared to be at ease. Bella stared at it for a few more minutes before she turned to the back page where a paragraph was written, rather than scribbles. It was long and took up the entire page of the large book. But it was written neatly as if Alice had taken her time with it.

'This is Bella Swan. She's been here for three weeks and four days. I drew a picture of her because sometimes she's not in the room for me to stare at. Yeah, I sound like a stalker. But I can't help it. She's…captivating. Yeah, any asshole with a dictionary can say that but for me, a nut-job, it's true, and it means more because of that. I don't know what it is about her but something inside of me craves for her attention while the other side of me, the dark side that I mention, wants to pus h her away and hide. I don't know how she feels about me. I don't think she knows either, because I've been confusing her so damn much. But I can't help it. The two rivaling sides within me can't control themselves and she's forced to get the brunt of my weakness. I'm sorry for that. I'm also sorry that I can't really be myself around her. Sometimes…I fake my schizophrenia around her. I can't really help it. That's a copout. I can help it…but I don't want to. I'm scared. I don't know what I'm scared of but I don't like it. And Bella makes me feel this way often. And while I don't like it, somehow I think that something good will come out of it. Something good between me and Bella. Let's just hope that neither one of us commits suicide before it happens.'

Bella reread the paragraph at least ten times more. She'd known that Alice had been faking some of her illness but to read it directly from the horse's mouth was another experience altogether. A part of her felt like she'd triumphed over something while another part of her was scared out of her mind. Alice had feelings for her. And while she was excited…could she really handle this? Jacob's cruel voice rang through her head and Bella shivered, bringing her knees together as she tried to remove him from her mind. Alice was certainly not like Jacob. But she was here for an extreme reason and she had a severe disease. The brunette sighed, running a hand through her hair. God forbid she could nab someone normal. But normal didn't seem to be in her vocabulary. And she was shamefully proud of it. Smiling, Bella turned back to the sketch and ran her finger lightly over the work.

"What are you doing?" came a voice from behind her.

Bella turned quickly, glancing at the new figure behind her, and was met with the sight of hot pink running shorts.


	18. Chapter 18

Shit-ton Day

"I-I was just…you know…" Bella stopped, knowing that words had failed her at this moment and extended the sketchbook to Alice. Alice took it, all the while never taking her striking green eyes off of the other girl. Once it was in her hand Alice let it fall to her side limply and continued with her staring. Bella decided to do the same and noticed that her cheeks were red and splotchy and there was a faint sheen to them from the bright fluorescents. And her eyes were reddened which added a lovely contrast to her green eyes. She'd been crying. Dammit she'd been crying. And Bella knew it was her doing, her name calling and cruelty that were the cause of those tears. Alice's bottom lip quivered and she looked away, wiping her nose on a bright pink wristband before picking up the sketchbook and flipping through the pages.

"What were you doing with this?" she asked quietly as she continued to look through the book. Bella hung her head, unable to watch Alice in her task, and shrugged. She felt tears coming to her own eyes and for the life of her couldn't figure out why. It was probably everything; buildup from all that had been happening to her in the past few weeks. Or it could have just been the fact that Alice was crying. Who knew? In fact, to Bella, she had more important things to worry about. Here it was. Here was her chance. She knew what Alice thought and she knew what her intentions were. Was she going to act on it? Would Alice change if she knew that Bella knew? Well, there was only one way to find out.

"I stole it from-from your side of the room. I had to know what was inside."

"It wasn't your prerogative to see what's in this." Bella mulled that sentence over in her mind, wondering if she'd used the right sense of the word. But she didn't know for sure and let it drop. Needless to say the use of the word, which was a pretty nice, intellectual word, threw Bella for the loop. She hadn't expected Alice to use such a vocabulary. Not that she thought Alice was stupid by any means but it was…unexpected to say the least. Perhaps this was the real Alice. The girl in question scoffed, shaking her head as she played with the binding of the book. It was almost as if Bella had stolen her child or something. Either way, the taller girl knew she had some explaining to do and she better get to it before Alice snapped.

"I know it wasn't my…appurtenance to do so but I did," Bella answered using the largest word she knew for the situation as a test for the other girl. Alice's eyebrow rose, as if she accepted the challenge and understood the word but stayed silent, allowing for Bella to continue. "But you're just so confusing, Alice. I have no idea what to do with you. Do I stay away, do I allow you to linger? I don't know. And I was tired of having to think about it. And you do nothing but lie to me. So I went for the one place where I thought you told the truth."

Alice laughed coldly, her eyes turning into an icy glare. Her brow furrowed in an unflattering manner and she brushed past Bella with an intentional jab to the shoulder and headed over to her bed. Once there, she sat cross-legged on it and cradled the book in her hands. "Do you realize how invasive that was? Bella, if I wanted you to see this, I would…" she drifted, words giving way to an angry huff. "I'm so livid right now," she said a few moments later, looking up to meet Bella's eyes. "I- I can't even think of a comparative for you to understand just how invasive this was. Hell, I can't even speak." The pixie threw her arms against the cardboard cover of the book, the resulting sound sharp and quick. Bella stared at the girl with her mouth slightly agape. She'd never seen Alice act so…normal. Even though she should be regretful of what she'd done, and she was, Bella was also…proud to see Alice acting this way. Somehow it gave her an inkling of hope. A notion that anyone can be saved from disease, no matter how severe. But, who knew how much Alice had just made up.

"Alice, you're speaking more normally than I've ever heard you speak before. I- is this the real you?"

"I'm not so sure if I want to tell you that, Bella. Maybe that was my point, huh? Maybe I didn't want you to fucking get inside my head. But no, you just take it upon your avaricious self to invade my space, my thoughts, my feelings so you can feel complete. So you can feel happy. Best roommate ever," she said snidely, throwing her hand up in mock fanfare. Her hand then balled into a fist and she proceeded to give Bella the finger. Bella rolled her eyes in response as she felt her patience and understanding for the girl slowly deteriorate.

"You're such a liar, Alice. A good one, I'll give you that, but still a liar," she retorted, stepping further onto Alice's side of the room. Alice tensed as she did so and Bella stopped instinctively, as if a dog had just growled. The pixie then began to rock back and forth as if in a trance and Bella assumed this was the real illness kicking in, though couldn't be sure now. However, she didn't dwell on the mannerism for too long. She was too angry to.

"The whole time I've been here you've done nothing but taunt me! And don't act like you haven't. You crawl into my bed, kiss me, compliment my breasts. You're crazy, Alice, not naïve. You knew what you were fucking doing. And then you push me away and you act outside of your condition to distance yourself from me. So yeah, maybe it was wrong of me to go snooping but don't act like I did it purely of my own selfishness. You act so innocent." Bella returned the mockery, mimicking Alice's hand motion but neglecting to use the vulgar finger. Edward often did that to her and therefore she absolutely refused to use it.

Alice was still rocking and now her head had begun to shake back and forth. Bella crossed her arms, feeling the plaster of the cast scratch her skin from where she moved it too abruptly. Alice was making her madder and madder. Her anger didn't particularly pertain to this one event. It was most likely buildup from her entire stay here. Bella felt the rage bubbling up within her and gave a half smile at the relief it brought. Experiencing anything other than depression or confusing was too therapeutic to ignore and she embraced the body tensed and hands shook. Alice hung her head, her back now slamming against the wall with a muffled but still noticeable thump. The ponytail lost its hold and her short hair fell forward, hiding her face. Bella quickly grew tired of the noise and forced herself to speak to drown out the noise. "I'm really getting tired of all this, Alice. I don't know why I even bother…why I even care."

Alice didn't respond in the slightest. And it was then that Bella lost it. "And can you stop fucking rocking?"

"No," Alice answered finally, raising her head to look Bella in the eyes. She only looked at her for half a second before she shut her eyes. Her back slammed into the wall yet another time and before her hair fell forward to mask her face, Bella saw the tear that fell from her eye. And the thumping noise didn't bother her so much. And the rage was gone. And Bella felt like a complete asshole. Alice's breathing became uneven as her crying worsened and Bella felt herself going numb. Going numb was better than feeling what she felt for herself at this moment. A whimper escaped from the smaller girl's throat and Bella suddenly found the feeling within her legs to move. By taking her longest strides, she was at the bed in seconds and quickly climbed next to Alice, embracing and moving with her as she rocked. Alice threw her arms around her, allowing her tears to flow freely on Bella's cotton blouse.

Bella held her tightly, hushing her as she kissed the top of her head. It smelled like sweat from her running and she smiled with her lips still pressed against it. It was so beautifully natural. The shorter girl had stopped rocking and now grew limp in Bella's arms, her own limbs falling to the bed. However she kept her head in the crook of Bella's neck and Bella could feel her moist breath growing more even against her. "I'm sorry," Alice murmured finally, pulling away from Bella's grasp. She sat up and scooted back to rest against the headboard of her bed. From there she pulled her knees to her chest and held them there with one arm while the other wiped at her face. Her startling eyes sparkled in the fluorescents and Bella scooted closer. Alice held up her hand, stopping her with a shake of her head.

"Don't come any closer, please. I don't…I'm not feeling altogether like myself. Cue the ironic laughter." Alice chuckled sadly before her face contorted into that of a sob and she placed her head on her knees, easing them out slowly so as to stop her crying. Bella did as she was told and stayed where she was, however she couldn't stop her hand from reaching out and trailing it down the runner's leg. Alice's breathing hitched but she made no attempt to move her leg away. Bella's hand travelled all of the way down until it rested on her shoes. They were double knotted but Bella untied them skillfully and eased them off of Alice's feet, throwing them to the floor. She then removed the barely there cotton socks and tossed them down with the shoes. Alice's exposed toes curled when they were revealed and she left them that way. Bella studied them, her ear informing her that the crying had stopped again. Bella placed her hands on her own thigh, feeling how cold they were, before she reached out and grabbed Alice's foot.

"Your feet are on fire," she whispered with a soft smile as she rubbed one of them tenderly. "How much did you run today?"

Alice sniffed, raising her head in response and watched the foot that Bella had a hold of. Her face looked less splotchy which was comforting to the taller girl. "I ran around the track about eight times. Esme said two times was a mile. Four miles."

"Fuck, I'm fat," Bella joked, resulting in a real laugh from Alice. Bella studied her as she did so. Alice looked the most like herself when she laughed. Or…she looked the most like Bella thought she should, without disease. Either way, it was best for everyone when Alice smiled. When Alice was smiling, the entire floor was in better spirits. It was a reoccurring theme that Bella had begun to notice in the past few days.

"You can come running with me whenever you want. I don't usually have any symptoms while running. It's therapeutic."

"I'm sure you'd want to spend your sane time by yourself. I know that I like to most of the time."

"I'd rather spend my sane time with someone who wants to see the real me."

"Everyone wants to see the real you, Alice."

"Fine, you're the only one that I really want to see the real me."

Bella sighed, moving on to Alice's other foot. "Why? What is it about me?" Alice shrugged, her bottom lip pouting as she thought.

"I don't know. I feel something for you. Something that I haven't felt in…ever. I've never really been self conscious about my schizophrenia but when you came along I-," she stopped, running a hand through her hair and reaching for a band on her dresser to tie it back with. "I felt, embarrassed to have fits, embarrassed when I had my word salad, embarrassed when I'd see the confusion in your eyes. And no one likes to be embarrassed so…" She shrugged again, finishing her makeshift ponytail and letting her hands fall dejectedly to her sides.

"I don't know, Bella. Is it a copout for me to just say that I wanted to make you like me? And people seem to like me when I'm schizo-spaz Alice so that's what I tried to be."

Bella smiled and met the shorter girl's eyes. "It's not a copout, Alice. I mean, I wanted-want you to like me too."

"I do like you. I always have. Hell, even when I thought I hated you I liked you. Guess that's why I belong in a place like this," Alice answered, chuckling. Then her face fell as she muttered words that Bella couldn't quite hear. She continued to talk to herself for a few more seconds before she finally shook her head, snapping out of her trance. She made eye contact with Bella and gave a sad sigh.

"Despite my…acting I'm still sick, Bella. That scenario that happened the first night you were here. That was real. I know because I still don't remember very much of it. And I want to be closer to you. But I know how complicated I can be. So…" Alice pulled her foot away from Bella's grasp, forcing the girl to look her in the eye. "So, I guess I'm leaving it up to you. No more faking for…something more than friendship. No more faking anyway." Alice picked up the sketchbook and flipped through the pages once more. When she found what she was looking for, she ripped the leaf out and handed it over to the taller girl.

Bella took it hesitantly, regarding the portrait of herself that stared back up at her. She knew the complications with Alice. She knew that Alice had been a liar and a poser and had purposely toyed with her emotions for her own self gain. But at the same time, Bella couldn't find it within herself to outweigh those instances over the encounter that they'd just shared together. Just now, in this room, Bella had seen the real Alice. She was sure of it. And if it took a year of sick days just to experience this one moment, then it seemed worth it. Alice gave a short smile as she watched Bella think, and ripped out a large section of the sketchbook, ripping the papers into shreds. Bella watched her for a few moments and noticed that her expression grew more and more somber in the silence that passed between them. When she'd shredded the final page of the book, Alice flung the empty cover to the floor where it landed with a hollow slam on the tile.

"Are you serious, Alice?" Bella asked finally, as if the sound had triggered her speech. Her heart began to throb with expectation as she spoke the words and she watched as Alice's somber expression broke out into an expression that couldn't really be defined. A combination of gratitude and happiness and a mix of other emotions that have yet to be defined.

"Serious as schizophrenia," she whispered, adding a wink onto the end of her sentence.

Bella needed no more words and slowly crept towards Alice, who allowed her knees to fall. The taller girl crawled over her tiny frame, stopping when they were just a breath apart. Bella then smiled and reached behind Alice's head to undo the ponytail she'd just made. Her short hair fell around her face and Bella smiled, stroking it before she finally and willingly placed her lips against Alice's.

Alice exhaled slowly, a sigh of tremendous relief, as she wrapped her arms around Bella's neck and pulled her down with her as she slid onto her back. Bella willingly followed, running her hands down the sides of Alice's slim body and back up again. Alice moaned softly into her mouth and Bella took the opportunity to use her tongue, knowing the smaller girl wouldn't mind in the slightest. And she didn't, however she did use her surprisingly strong arms to flip Bella onto the bed and take the lead.

Of course, Bella didn't mind that either and let out a moan herself as Alice spread her legs with her knee. The girl on top giggled and gave Bella a short kiss before moving lower to the column of her neck, licking, breathing, and sucking where she pleased. Bella responded by raising her hips to grind as best as she could with her partner. Alice copied Bella's movements of running her hands up and down the length of her torso. However, as she ran her hands back up, she took the hem of Bella's shirt with her. In an instant the shirt was off and Alice gave a nod of approval before looking at the taller girl with devious eyes.

"You know, you have really nice breasts."

Bella laughed but crossed her arms over her exposed chest, resulting in a groan of disapproval from her partner. "They're nice, but they're not as good as Esme's." Alice sighed in an agreeable manner and pulled Bella's arms away, tilting her head to the side as she surveyed the sight before her.

"No…actually now I'd have to say that yours are better than Esme's."

"Really?"

"Well, would Esme let me do this to hers?"

Alice then bowed her head and Bella found herself unable to answer.


	19. Chapter 19

Her Favorite Rock

"Is this your real hair color?"

"As far as I know."

"I like it. It's shiny."

"Well…you like anything that's shiny."

"Yes, yes I do," Alice said with a smile as she leaned over to kiss Bella on the nose. "And you, dear, are very shiny."

"Oh thank you. You're quite shiny yourself," Bella returned as she relaxed in the other girl's lap. They were sitting outside, enjoying the warm day on the grass. Other residents from other wards could be seen milling about the lawn, playing soccer, croquet and other sorts of games while others, like them, were simply sitting and enjoying. Alice was sitting with her legs out in front of her and Bella was lying sideways from her with her head in her lap. It had been about a week since the confrontation with the sketchbook and from then on things had been going splendidly. Yes, Alice still had word salad and some outbreaks from time to time but they were generally mild and she had since had no episodes. Bella couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so uninhibited. It seemed that in the past there was always something weighing her down. But now, she felt she could, in the lamest of ways, fly away. Of course, she wouldn't because at this moment she was right where she wanted to be. In a summer dress no less. Though, the dress was more Alice's bidding than her own choice.

The taller girl sighed, tired of looking at clouds and sat up, moving behind Alice and wrapping her legs around her, allowing the shorter girl to lean back into her. They sighed simultaneously and watched as Emmett and Rosalie fought a few yards away. They were too far to hear what words were being exchanged but it was humorous to watch. A little farther away, Jasper could be seen working with Esme on weights. His shirt was off and Bella tried to see if he was well defined or not but her eyesight was not that good.

"Esme says you could be an Olympic runner if you wanted to. Have you ever thought about that?" Bella asked absently as a cool breeze brushed across her, causing her to hug the shorter girl more tightly. Alice relaxed farther into Bella, resting her head on her shoulder to where their cheeks were touching and sighed.

"I don't know. I mean, it'd be nice but I don't know if I'd want to train for one event every four years."

"Yeah, true, though I really respect those people."

"They do have some drive."

"You could do it if you wanted to, you know?" Bella whispered into Alice's ear before giving it a chaste kiss. She smiled and nodded and Bella liked the velvety feeling that it brought her.

"What about you? What do you want to do?" Alice asked as she sat up and turned to face the other girl. Bella shrugged, suddenly wanting to cloud watch again. But Alice was looking at her persistently and there was no real way to escape it except give her what she wanted.

"I don't know. I always thought journalism might be fun. Who knows, I might write a book about my experiences here and get rich off of it." Alice smiled.

"I think that's been done before."

"Damn, you're right."

Both of them laughed and Alice stood, brushing the grass from her knees and offered a hand to Bella. Once she was upright Alice shot her a mischievous grin and outstretched her hand. "Follow me. I'm going to show you my favorite rock."

"You have a favorite rock?"

"And tree and cloud and ladybug. His/her name is Freckles. Emmett swears he crushed him/her but he didn't! I found him/her the next day crawling around my bed. I love my bed. My mom made the comforter I used to have. It was flowers. My favorite flower is the lily but we're talking about my favorite rock!" Alice exclaimed as she pulled Bella to the edge of the forest that surrounded the center. Bella stopped as soon as they reached the line of trees, causing Alice to step back and face her.

"Are we…allowed to go in there?" she asked hesitantly, looking back at the group of others. No one seemed to notice their absence and Alice giggled as she continued to pull Bella into the trees.

"Since when do you care about rules? Esme knows of my favorite rock. If she can't find me, she knows where I'll be. It's sort of an unspoken rule thing we have with each other. Esme and her nice breasts. Not as nice as yours though. I swear."

"I believe you," Bella answered, rolling her eyes as Alice's word salad came toppling back. They usually did in waves and Bella knew that if she played along, the real Alice would come back and make her patience worth it all over again. Alice could be heard giggling in front of her and Bella quickened her pace to keep the tension off of her wrist. The wounds had healed and the scars – scar, rather, as Bella's left hand was still casted—was one smooth line down her artery. The skin was tougher there and Bella thought of it as the body's warning of her not to try it again. And right now, and for the past week, Bella hadn't wanted to try again nor would she if she did. As she was walking, she tripped over something and fell forward. Alice turned instantly and managed to haphazardly catch her. Bella still fell to the ground, but with Alice's help it was not as forceful as it could have been and she was uninjured.

"Come on, my little klutz," Alice cooed as she brought Bella to her side and wrapped her arm around her waist for support. "I'll protect you." Bella smiled and while Alice was merely being her quirky self, she believed her words. Alice would protect her, should she need it. And that was comforting…something she hadn't felt in a long time.

After a few more steps the trees dispersed and they came to a clearing. Actually, it wasn't really a clearing so much as a giant rock with two smaller ones surrounding it. It looked out of place to the taller girl but who was she to question nature. Alice stopped and spread her arms wide in front of the rocks. "Behold!" she shouted and turning to Bella. "My favorite rock!" Bella gave an impressed whistle and walked closer to them.

"They're very nice, Alice. But which one is your favorite?" she asked as she leaned against the random closest one. Alice raised her brow and sauntered over to Bella.

"The one you're leaning on," she said casually as she stood next to her. Bella smiled and turned her head to glance at the rock. She placed her hand upon in and ran it down the side, noting how smooth it felt.

"It's super smooth. Is that why you like it?" Bella asked, turning to face Alice only to realize that the pixie was standing right in front of her. She smiled devilishly, the same one that she'd been smiling all day and Bella was starting to get an inkling of what lay behind it. She leaned in and kissed Bella deeply. And while the taller girl was significantly distracted, Alice pressed against her and lifted her up against the rock, wrapping Bella's legs around her waist. Bella pulled away with a surprised gasp and Alice flashed her an all too ironic smile.

"This is why it's my favorite rock," she whispered before she kissed Bella again, not wasting time as she slid her tongue into her mouth. Bella tried to agree but could only let out a moan as Alice's hand shot up to caress her cheek before letting her hand fall downward to the buttons of Bella's dress. She undid them with expert ease and wasted no time in delving her hand in to massage Bella's dress. Bella groaned and tore herself away from Alice's mouth for air before she went on to kiss the column of the shorter girl's neck. Alice gasped and ground her pelvis more roughly against her, pushing the hem of the dress up as she caressed her thighs. Bella smiled and grabbed Alice's cheeks, momentarily pausing her actions.

"I fucking love this dress," she said in between breaths.

"I thought you would," Alice returned before further proving their dress love by slipping her hand between Bella's thighs. Bella threw her head back, narrowly missing the rock behind her and pushed her hips against Alice's palm. Alice groaned this time and Bella helped her hindered partner by pushing the dress off her shoulders before her own hand snuck up the front of Alice's shirt. Alice leaned forward to bite on Bella's collarbone as her hand caressed what she claimed as hers. Bella was growing impatient and she again pushed against Alice's hand. Alice pulled her hand away entirely and Bella groaned in aggravation.

"You're evil, you know that?"

"No, I'm crazy. There's a difference."

With that, Alice kissed her again and slipped inside. Bella thanked her by biting on her bottom lip squeezing her legs, pulling her even closer to her. The smoothness of the rock allowed Bella move easily against it and Alice seemed to have to problem supporting her weight, despite the size difference. Bella ran her hand across the pixie's stomach, noting the toned abs and smiled as she felt the pressure increasing inside of her. She nibbled softly on Alice's earlobe as she whispered what she needed and how close she was and Alice moaned as she did what she was asked. Bella's breathing quickened more than she ever thought it could and she began to chant random words over and over, running a hand through Alice's short hair as the other continued to please her breast.

Bella was extremely close now and she told Alice so which caused the pixie to grin and quicken pace. Bella leaned forward and off of the rock, choosing to grasp onto her lover. Alice did not seem to mind nor was her movement deterred as she continued. Any second now from the single greatest orgasm of her life, Bella heard a voice calling out through the trees.

"Alice, are you at your favorite rock?" Esme called from somewhere unseen. Both girls stopped instantly and in the silence they could hear her coming closer. And moment now and she would break through the trees. Bella's face fell but before she could dwell on it Alice turned and faced the trees.

"Esme if you have ever been interrupted just before an orgasm you will turn back now and give me five minutes!" she shouted before continuing her motions with Bella again. Bella tried to laugh but before she could, the orgasm swept over her and she shuddered against her lover's tiny frame as wave after wave came over her. Alice held her tightly and captured her lips as Bella slowly came down from her high.

Esme never showed up.

When she'd finally regained some ounce of composure Bella laughed against Alice's shoulder. "I can't believe you said that to Esme," she muttered. Alice giggled and kissed her again.

"Would you rather me have stopped?"

"Oh god no," Bella sighed before she let her legs fall, taking her weight off of Alice. The shorter girl relaxed and rested against Bella for a few moments before she leaned up and began to button up her dress again. Bella watched her do so and attempted to straighten her sex hair. When she assumed it looked fairly decent she looked down at Alice again and touched her cheek with her palm, causing her to look up.

"You've done this before, haven't you?" she asked quietly. Alice looked down and shrugged.

"Does that bother you?"

"Was it while I was here?"

"No, it was before you were here."

"Do you plan to do it with anyone else why I'm here?"

"Not while you're here or otherwise."

"Then no, it doesn't bother me."

Alice smiled and gave her a tender hug, placing a kiss on the hickey she'd just left. "That's really good to hear," she whispered as she laid her head against Bella's chest. "Because, I think I love you." Bella's breathing hitched and Alice noticed, because she raised her head to meet her eyes. Bella placed her hand on her cheek again and lowered it, her thumb brushing Alice's bottom lip.

"You think you love me?"

"I know I do."

"That's good," Bella smiled. "Because I think, but really know, that I love you too."

Alice smiled a smile that was genuinely hers and leaned in to kiss Bella one last time. When the pulled away Bella sighed and patted on the rock. "Can this be my favorite rock as well?"

"It can be our favorite rock."


	20. Chapter 20

Better Now

Carlisle smiled at the group that sat before him. It had been a long time since all of the clients had come to a group meeting. Perhaps it was because there was another visitor's day coming up. Regardless, he was happy to see them all and told them so. "So, since everyone's here I'm assuming that there's something to talk about. Does anyone want to go first?" Jasper looked between Emmett and Rosalie and Emmett shrugged. Rosalie opened her hand palm up and Emmett obediently placed his hand in it, lacing their fingers. She nodded approvingly and motioned to Jasper with her head. He sighed looked to Carlisle, who appeared to be intrigued. Jasper ran a hand through his curly locks and looked down at the floor, ultimately saying nothing. Carlisle watched him for a few more minutes and when the boy neglected to speak he nodded and looked to the rest of the group. Rosalie was not looking down but looking to her left, out the window that revealed the courtyard. Emmett was staring through the doctor. Carlisle looked over to his left and studied Alice and Bella. Their chairs were pushed together, the armrests overlapping, and Bella was whispering into Alice's ear as she giggled softly. The doctor thought he was watching some teen movie and would have laughed out loud were he not so professional. The rest of the group had looked over at the girls too and Carlisle judged by their expressions that he should attempt to get the girls to desist.

"Bella," the doctor called, causing the two girls to look up. Alice giggled and shuffled the chair away as Bella blushed and met Carlisle's eyes. "Bella, why don't you tell us how you've been doing?"

Bella sighed and shrugged, rubbing her dry skin. Her cast had just been removed a few weeks ago and the skin beneath it was still itching like hell. Alice placed her hand over Bella's irritated arm, causing the taller girl to stop scratching it. "Well, things have been going pretty well. Alice and I, if I can speak for her," she flashed her eyes to Alice, who giggled childishly and looked away, "are doing very well."

"Yes, I think we're all aware of your budding relationship. Congratulations. But what about you? Have you had any fits of depression or mood swings?"

"No, as far as I can tell I'm perfectly happy." Bella grinned and ran her hand through her hair. Carlisle nodded as his peripherals scanned the room. Everyone else looked extremely uncomfortable and in his educated experience, he had a pretty good guess as to why. Deciding to act on the emotion, he turned to Rosalie, who appeared to be carrying the heaviest of the scowls.

"Rosalie, is there something you'd like to discuss? You don't seem too pleased."

Rosalie looked the doctor's way, flashing him an unreadable expression before her eyes slid over to the couple, her brow furrowing even more. "No, I'm fine."

"Rosalie, everyone in this room knows that that's a lie."

"Fine then, I don't want to talk about it."

"If you didn't, would you want to have such a noticeable scowl on your face?"

"…This is just the way my face is."

"Rosalie…"

Rosalie sighed in exasperation, throwing her arms up in an angry manner. "I'm pissed, Carlisle. Happy now?"

"Rosalie, there's no need to be rude to me, unless of course I'm the one you're mad at. Even then, it's probably ill-advised."

Rosalie worked her jaw in a circle, knowing that the doctor was right and she looked away haughtily. Carlisle didn't say anything but merely watched her for a few moments more. And that was all it took before Rosalie finally came around, tired of the silence, even if it revolved around her. "Fine, I'll talk," she stated, drawling the tone as if she was inconvenienced. Bella considered laughing but that hadn't turned out so well the last time. So she resorted to tracing the lines of Alice's palm with her finger. Rosalie ran a hand through her fine hair and adjusted in her chair, scanning the room to ensure that all eyes were upon her. Then she slowly lifted her hand and pointed a long finger in Bella's direction.

"I don't like their public displays of affection." As she said it Jasper nodded in the background while Emmett sat up in his chair. Carlisle looked to the girls and noticed the both of them scowling before he turned back to Rosalie.

"What don't you like about it?"

She shrugged apathetically, as if she'd already dropped the subject. "I don't know. It's like they're rubbing it in our faces. And I don't understand that because I have Emmett." She reached out and patted his arm, to which he smiled at her. "I mean, I guess Jasper might be hurt by it or something but it's just gross. And I don't want to see it."

Carlisle was about to speak but was interrupted as a loud scoff filled the room. The eyes that were on Rosalie drifted to the source and they ended up resting on Bella, who had quite the pissed off expression on her face. "Who do you think you are to say that?" she asked, not waiting for Carlisle. "You and Emmett are always groping in the halls. Just because we're happy and you're not doesn't mean that you can tell us to stop." Feeling defiant, Bella looked down to Alice for more encouragement, but found that the pixie had her head lowered and was cowering within the confines of her own knees. She looked around the room again and noticed strange expressions, ones that she did not recognize. Jasper was gripping the armrests of his chair, his knuckles white against the brown leather. Rosalie looked more than pleased with herself and Emmett's expression was unreadable. For a brief moment, Bella almost wished that Jacob was back. Because he always spoke his mind, and she could really use some help with it right about now.

"Carlisle?" she ventured, looking to the doctor in hopes of some explanation. He looked pissed, which was far from unusual but still a bit of a put off. He looked back at her for a moment and then gestured to the group.

"I think Bella would like a response to her…speech. Does anyone want to tell her what they think?" It was quiet. Again Bella looked to Alice but she was still turtled up and thus provided no insight. Finally Emmett sighed and slapped his hands on his knees as he stood. Once he was upright, he looked around nervously. Rosalie gave him a strange look that only he understood and he nodded as he looked to Bella.

"I just, kind of, want to know what you mean by 'things are perfect?' I mean, you're still here, so…" he drifted, absently dropping the sentence with a wave of his hand. Bella stared at him for a few moments before she shrugged. Emmett clearly just didn't understand what she and Alice had. Lord knows he didn't if his relationship was with the feared Rosalie. Bella straightened up, pulling her shoulders back.

"Yeah, I am happy. We're happy. And we're better. I'm sorry you're not there yet but again that's not my fault."

"Enough." Carlisle stood then, motioning Bella out the door. "Bella, I'd like to continue this group without you today. But we'll talk privately afterward. Bella said nothing but merely glared at the doctor as she passed, heading out the door. She went into her room and slammed the door, thoroughly pissed when the door merely slowed before impact and clicked shut. She flung herself onto the bed and began to punch a pillow. Some people just didn't understand. Love was all you needed to be healthy. That was her motto and she stuck by it. And look at how happy she was now. Bella scoffed and fluffed the punched pillow before she rested her head on it. No one understood her here. The only one that did was Alice but she was being incredibly weird today. Sighing, Bella relived the group session in her mind, trying to make sense of it. After about the fourth time she'd come to no conclusion and ended up pondering herself into sleep.

A pair of warm lips was pressed to her cheek and Bella woke up instantly, smiling as her eyes focused on Alice. She smiled back, and even if it wasn't her usual brightness, Bella was still happy to receive one. "You fell asleep. Carlisle wants to see you now in his office," she said softly, sitting next to Bella on the bed. The taller girl sat up and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

"What happened in there today, Alice?" she asked, watching as Alcie's eyes fell. Alice sighed, shrugging, and opted not to say anything. Bella rolled her eyes although the picie couldn't see them and asked again. This time Alice looked up at her and smiled.

"I don't know, I guess everyone was just pissed," she said innocently. It was so innocent in act that had Bella not been so close to this girl she would have believed her.

"Come on, Alice, what was the problem? I was just defending our honor…or something. I don't understand why people got so mad. And you didn't even help me out! You just shelled up into your little hole…or shell." Although not particularly mad, Bella wanted to make her point known and she seemed to be doing so. Alice's innocent façade fell and she looked rather apathetic.

"I just…don't like confrontation. And you seem to like confrontation so, I don't know, I panicked and hid. Then we talked to Carlisle and I feel better about it."

"What did Carlisle say?"

"You need to go see him, Bella. He's waiting on you."

"No, Alice, don't avoid the question. I want to know what I missed and why I missed it!" Bella stood up and began pacing as Alice again threw her eyes to the floor. The taller girl sighed and crouched down in front of Alice. She placed a hand on her thigh and rubbed it gently before Alice placed her hand over hers. "Come on, what'd I miss?" she pleaded, searching for Alice's eyes but not being able to find them. Alice huffed angrily then and stood up, making her way over to her own bed.

"I'm not a psychic, Bella. Crystal balls aren't even real and even if they were I don't want to play dodge ball. Four Squares is a stupid game." She crawled under the covers and in an instant her head was hidden from view. Bella stood up, knowing that now wasn't the time to go prying into Alice's thoughts, and headed out the door. Maybe Carlisle would actually provide her with answers, though that was doubtful. She seemed to have fallen out of favor with the doctor and she couldn't say that bothered her much. In fact, a part of her was a little bit proud that she was able to rile him up a little. He was always so centered and Zen and for some reason that bothered her.

The door to his office was open and she escorted herself in, finding the doctor sitting at his desk, writing furiously in what looked like a case file. As she neared she tried to read the name on the slip but Carlisle closed it quickly and put it back in the filing cabinet before she could read it. "Please, have a seat, Bella," he said as he rose from his desk, moving over to the more comfortable chair that faced the couch. Bella said nothing but did as she was told, taking a seat on the couch and awaiting the doctor's next comment. He pulled out a notepad and made a few small markings before he looked at her again. "So, Bella, tell me, do you really think that you're better?"

Bella studied his tone and expression. He didn't sound condescending, and he didn't look like he was being so either. She leaned back against the couch and thought about his question for a moment. She knew that she was better. That was without question. But she didn't know what Carlisle was asking her for. She was trying to analyze the analyzer. Not being able to get a real grip on what was about to happen she merely nodded.

"Yeah, I think I'm better."

"Then why are you still here?"

"You're keeping me here."

"I'm not keeping you here. You are."

"How so?"

"Bella, as a psychologist, I do not think you're better. You've improved, I think. But you aren't better."

"What? Why?" Bella leaned forward now. She never doubted Carlisle's credentials before but he definitely seemed off here. She felt fine. She was in love, she was happy, what could be wrong? She waited for Carlisle to answer and when he didn't she tapped her foot angrily on the floor. "What do you mean, Carlisle? What's missing?"

"You know what's missing, Bella."

"No, I don't."

"Then you're not ready to figure it out. I can't hold your hand through this process."

For a moment Bella considered calling him a dirty word but did not. Instead she threw herself angrily back onto the couch and began to pick at her nails. Carlisle watched her for a bit before he cleared his throat and continued. "Why do you think everyone got perturbed at group today?"

"I don't know. Because they're jealous?"

"Really, Bella."

"I don't know. They probably are jealous or mad or something that they're not getting better."

"How do you know they're not getting better?"

"I've been to groups and everyone has the same problems time after time. If any progress is being made I haven't seen it." She crossed her arms, looking at the doctor with a challenging expression. He merely shrugged and wrote something in his book.

"I'll tell you something you might not know, Bella. The other clients do not like to be categorized by you. For the safety of everyone, it might be best if you refrained doing that from now on."

"Yeah, whatever,"

"Bella this is a serious situation. Do you not remember Jasper's attack or perhaps your almost getting raped? I don't need you antagonizing my clients simply because you think you're healed. That's not your place and that's going to get you into trouble. Do you understand?"

Bella nodded, huffing as she did so and Carlisle wrote some more in his notepad. "I am better," she said again after a few moments. Carlisle nodded as if he were listening to a children's story and shrugged yet again.

"I suggest that you try to think about that some more, lest you risk getting hurt again here. Denial will not help you get better, no matter how good you think it feels. But you are your own person and entitled to your own opinions. I'm merely a head doctor." He smirked and she did not return it but took his comment as an invitation for her to leave. An invitation which she took. Without saying goodbye she headed out the door and back to the room. By the time she got back, Alice had pulled her head out from under the covers and was now in the process of sleeping. Bella smiled down at her as she smoothed her hair back.

"We're fine. We are better," she whispered to the pixie before climbing into bed next to her and snuggling up.

Bella woke up on the floor, a sharp pain running through her knees and head. She groaned into what was now the night and sat up, looking at the bed to her left. Alice was not in it as she remembered. Standing, Bella looked around the room, paying special attention to the corners, where Alice liked to hide. She found her in the far right corner next to the door with her knees to her chest, shaking. "Alice?" she asked softly, stepping over to the girl. Alice made no response and Bella got down on her knees next to her. She reached out and placed a hand on Alice's cheek, becoming worried when again no response was given. "Alice, are you in there?" Bella whispered a little more loudly, bringing up her other hand to hold Alice's face. Alice's eyes found her own and they grew wide. Before Bella could register what was happening, the pixie screamed violently, unfolding one of her muscular legs to kick Bella in the chest. The taller girl was shoved back, the breath literally kicked out of her and as she struggled to regain it she watched as Alice stood and towered over her. Alice mumbled something that Bella couldn't here and then sat on Bella's chest. While Alice was petit, it was still a lot of weight for a girl who still hadn't regained her breath and Bella began to writhe on the floor in an attempt to escape.

A grin pulled at the corners of Alice's mouth as she placed her hands on either of Bella's cheeks and slowly slid them down until they rested on her neck. She mumbled something else before her hands clasped around Bella's neck and began to squeeze. The fear hit Bella all too soon as she realized she was never going to gain that next breath. She fought violently beneath the shorter girl but Alice's strength had been proven many times before and it was not failing her now. Bella's ears were burning and she felt her eyes bugging out. Her arms began to shoot out frantically in hopes of grabbing anything. Her right hand grabbed a foot of Alice's dresser. She gripped it and with all of the adrenaline that she had left, jerked it forward. The dresser toppled over just behind her head with a momentous noise and Bella began slamming her hands against it for more noise. The punches were weak, however, as lack of breath was getting to the taller girl. Her arms fell and her kicks became more and more lethargic. Her eyes didn't feel like they were bugging so much anymore and pretty soon, things were black and silent, with the exception of a noise that sounded faintly like a door opening…or closing.


	21. Chapter 21

Start

Bella woke up with a headache. That was always one of the worst things to happen…ever. Waking up with a headache always meant that your day was going to be shit. It didn't even matter if your headache got better throughout the day. The point was that it started with pain and it would end with shit. Before she went to Westmoreland, Bella had been waking up with a lot of headaches. Edward was a headache, her father's distance and her mother's apathy just to name a few. But as she lay in her bed, listening to the thudding of her throbbing head and contemplating breaking the tearstained crust lining her closed eyes, Bella found herself unable to care.

No, perhaps that wasn't the right word. Bella sighed, noting the rough material that made itself known just beneath her chin. She did care. She just didn't seem to care in the way that she had before. Bella furrowed her brow, filling her mind with all of her bad memories as she searched for that familiar feeling. Dread, sorrow, hopelessness and pain. That was what she needed right now. She needed something to drive her thoughts; something that she knew. And while the memories were still hard to relive, she felt unfulfilled. The hopelessness wasn't there like it should have been. It was as if all of that stuff was in the past…and that was okay. Was therapy subconsciously working its magic? Had Bella been in some meditative or healing coma? Was she simply being melodramatic? Bella laughed at her laughed thought; the action breaking the lids of her eyes as she legitimately woke up for the first time.

Her first impression was that she was not in a place that she recognized. At least, she wasn't in Westmoreland. Bella swallowed, cringing as the tendons in her neck seemed to cringe with effort. She let out a soft moan, though it came out a hollowed cackle, and lifted her hand to test the new territory that was a neck brace. It was hard, smooth plastic and she played with a Velcro strip. Her head had stopped aching but the moment that she recognized that, it started again and she closed her eyes, longing for the deep sleep. However it seemed obvious that none would come to her. She sighed, opening her eyes again and watching as the door in front of her moved, about to be pulled open.

A moment later, as predicted, the door was opened and in stepped Carlisle along with two other people Bella didn't recognize. One very clearly seemed to be a doctor and the other looked like a professional of some sort, judging by his nice business suit. They all smiled at her and she didn't feel like returning it. Carlisle came over quickly and sat on the side of Bella's bed. "How are you feeling, Bella?"

"Like I should be dead," she answered, grimacing at the croaking of her voice.

"Well, you probably should be. But we're thankful that you aren't." He smiled at her but before she could return it he turned and gestured to the man in the suit. "Bella, this is Harrison McCaffney, attorney. He'd like to ask you a few questions, none of which you have to answer."

"Why is he here?" Though Carlisle didn't really do much to indicate this, Bella could tell that he was not a friend of the doctor. And even if she and Carlisle had their moments, for someone to actually be an enemy of him seemed rather improbable. Carlisle looked at her for a moment before looking to the lawyer, who took the initiative to step forward.

"I represent your father, Charles L. Swan, who has filed malpractice against Dr. Cullen on your behalf." Bella's expression must have surprised the man for he stopped, as if waiting for her to say something. She looked back and forth between the lawyer and Carlisle. Then she glanced at the other doctor. Why the hell was that guy in here? She glared at him and he gave that typical physician smile and she turned away in disgust.

"No, I don't want that. He can't do that."

"Bella, I understand that this is your second…attack, so to speak, while you were under the supervision of the Westmoreland staff. Your father felt that enough was enough. He's filing this suit for your safety."

"Excuse me, but you know nothing about my father or my relationship with him. Why isn't he here now? Why wasn't he ever there?" Bella began to sob without really knowing why and the lawyer took a step back, clutching his file to his chest. The other doctor excused himself and Carlisle came forward.

"Tell me more, Bella," he whispered, placing his hands on the bar of the hospital bed. She placed her hand over his. She missed that, doing that with anyone. She began to cry again and it took a minute or two for her to compose herself before speaking again.

"He was never there for me. He was so passive all the time, apathetic. And it killed me. And it killed me that I didn't try harder! Why couldn't I talk to him, Carlisle? Why did I have to be a bitch and run off and do drugs and shit? It's not fair!"

"What's not fair?"

"I'm not. I'm not fair to him…." Bella swallowed hard, wiping her eyes again. She was still gripping Carlisle's hand, which remained firm on the hospital bed. She liked that. It was like he was stuck there, never leaving her side. Though she was still crying, she managed to smile. She was no doctor, but this right here seemed like progress. She felt better, admitting that about her father. And it was true, what she said. She'd been one of those emo teenagers without a cause, inventing reasons to be depressed until she could find real ones. But her father wasn't without fault. He could have tried harder. Carlisle told her this and she nodded, feeling one door close in the mansion of her life. Carlisle smiled at her and petted her hand before straightening up.

"Good job, Bella. You've made wonderful progress today." She returned his smile and then looked to the lawyer, who looked to be a little ill.

"Is my father here?" He nodded. "I'd like to see him, please." He nodded and raced out the door, eager to get away. Carlisle sighed as he left and looked down at Bella.

"Are you sure you want to see him now, Bella? I mean, it's a lot to take in, what happened to you, the breakthrough you made."

"I'm sure, Carlisle. I'm tired of this waiting, denial shit, anyway."

"Fair enough. If he decides to continue with the malpractice suit, I'd appreciate it if you told the truth."

"I think the truth would get your license lost, even though it shouldn't."

"Even if that's the case, I want you to tell the truth."

Bella nodded and Carlisle headed for the door. She called to him before he reached it and he turned around. Bella looked down, playing with the sheets of the bed, feeling her throat ache. "I was wondering…how is Alice?" The doctor gave a sad smile and turned back to the door.

"We'll talk about her soon. Right now, your father is here. He opened the door, revealing her father, who stepped in without a second glance to the doctor. He ran up to Bella and she watched him do so. She watched his eyes, how they were wide and red. His hands were gripped to his hips, is thumbs wearing holes in his leather belt. He stopped at the side of her bed, looking down at her neck brace and into her tired eyes.

"Christ, Bella, are you okay? I mean, I know you're not okay, I just mean like, as far as it goes?"

"Yes, dad, I'm fine. Super, even." Bella smiled up at him and opened her arms. Charlie stared at them for a moment before he seemed to register. Then he smiled awkwardly and embraced his daughter. Bella clung to him tightly, as if she was a child again. She inhaled and smelled his off-brand shampoo and off -brand aftershave. It was nice, hugging him like this. She couldn't remember the last time that she'd done it or if she'd ever done it. The thought saddened her and she squeezed him one more time before letting go. He straightened up and wiped his nose. Bella could feel wetness on the shoulder of her hospital gown and saw the cause of it in his eyes. She grinned again, playing with her fingers as she thought of what to say next. Charlie waited patiently for her to continue.

"Dad, I…I'm sorry that, that I was such a bad kid. I mean, I could have…you know, been better. And I'm repeating myself." Bella laughed a bit, wiping her eyes that were tired of crying. Charlie began to chew, though there was nothing in his mouth and he nodded, a reminiscent grin on his face.

"Yeah, you were a pain in the ass. I can't say that I was exactly the best father though."

"Yeah, I can't either. Dad, why weren't you there?"

"I was there, Bella."

"Then why didn't I know you were?"

Charlie ran his tongue on the inside of his lower lip and looked around. He lifted his hands, then dropped them. He appeared to be at a loss for words. But this was the first time that Bella had seen him try, and she hid her smile as she watched him stumble over nonsensical words. "I…I don't, thought…your mother…" he sighed, wiped his face, then continued. "Your mother. It seemed like a job for your mother to do, talking with you and helping you through all of the stuff you needed help through. And I was willing to help with that but when she left…put me in center stage I, I don't know. I panicked. And I thought, when I was a teenager, I didn't want to be bothered by my parents. But I guess a part of me really did. And you were ten. You weren't even a teenager." He began to cry, really cry. It was so sudden that it scared Bella. For a moment she wished that Carlisle was here, to tell him exactly what needed to be said. He surely knew more than she did about his psych stuff. Charlie fell to his knees by her bed and she didn't like that. Her father wasn't weak. She didn't mean to make him weak. She just wanted him to understand. "I'm sorry, Bella. I really am. I…I…."

Bella placed a hand on his head, lifting herself up so she could see him on the floor. He looked up at her and she smiled, though it was ruined when she began crying again. "Let's just start over, start anew," she said, flourishing with her hand. "Let's start with I love you. I love you, dad"

Her father smiled, taking her hand and kissing it. "I love you, too." She smiled at him, wiping what she hoped were her last tears of the day and sighed. Charlie fished a tissue out of his pocket and handed it to her. She thanked him and they both paused for a moment to blow their noses. Bella tossed hers into the trashcan across the room, throwing her hands up in victory when she made it. "Three pointer," her father commented before trying and missing. He shrugged, leaving it there for the moment and Bella looked over to him.

"Dad, you gotta call of this malpractice suit. Carlisle is helping me."

"No way, Bells. The guy's a nut. Look at where you are right now, what's on your neck."

"But, dad, I'm making progress! That moment that we just had, that was because of him. And I put myself in this position. Please, dad, you gotta let me stay and finish my therapy. It'll be good for us, I swear. Please. We can't start over until I'm better."

Charlie stared at her for a few minutes, his eyes darting from her eyes to the brace on her neck. Then he sighed, his shoulders falling, and she knew she'd won. "I guess I'll go and talk to that lawyer again. But if you get hurt again, I'm pressing charges."

"Yes, sir, I don't plan to."

He nodded, then shuffled his feet a bit. "So, when do you think you'll be able to come home?"

"I don't know. That's up to the doctor. I hope it's soon."

"Me too. Stay in touch, will you? I was planning on coming up to the visitor's day again."

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Charlie smiled and gave his daughter one last hug. "Well, the doctor wants to take you back now. I guess I'll let him do that."

"Bye, dad. Still love you."

"Still love you too." With that, Charlie left. Bella figured it would be awhile before anyone else came through that door as Charlie, Carlisle and the lawyer whose name she forgot. She turned her head and felt her neck sting in pain as she did so. Resuming the least painful position, Bella's thoughts were immediately carried to Alice. How was she doing? Did she hurt herself or was she hurt in the process? Bella knew how guilty the pixie could feel and she felt her heart aching, hoping that Alice wasn't alone. When Carlisle came in about ten minutes later her thoughts still hadn't drifted and she sat up eagerly.

"Carlisle, please, now can we talk about Alice?"

"Alice is fine. She's stable. If you want or need any more information I'm afraid you'll have to ask her, as she asked me not to speak with you on the subject." He then held up a small bag which contained Bella's clothes and a few toiletries and left her to change. When Bella was ready to go she walked with Carlisle out to the parking lot. There were a lot of really nice cars lined up outside and she tried to pick which one was his. She thought it would be a Jag, personally. However, she was immensely surprised with Carlisle when he led her to a Ford Focus. A nice enough car but she never would have thought that the leading Psychologist at an institution would drive one…ever. Carlisle must have noticed her strange expression for he chuckled as he opened the door for her. "This is property of Westmoreland, not my car."

"Oh, good to know. What kind of car do you drive?" Carlisle just smiled and shut the door. The drive was quiet on the way back to the hospital and Bella watched the trees fly by and counted the stripes on the road. She lost count three times but by the time they made it to Westmoreland she was at 279. Carlisle pulled the car up front again and Bella saw Esme standing on the side of the drive. She looked expectantly to Bella and her face filled with relief as she saw her. Bella was suddenly overcome with a desire to see Esme and as soon as the car stopped she was out the door and into her arms. Esme hugged her tightly and Bella made a note to talk to Carlisle about her mommy-issues sometime.

"Oh, Bella, you had me so worried," Esme hummed into her ear. Bella only squeezed her tighter. When they broke away Esme shook her head at the neck brace and smiled again. "Stop scaring us like this!" she said laughingly, rubbing Bella's shoulders. Bella promised that she would be more careful and walked with Esme back to her room. The walk was soothing. Bella felt at home, but not permanently. This was exactly where she wanted to be, but not forever. She knew this now and somehow, knowing that little fact made it all worthwhile. The hall was empty when they entered it and while Bella wasn't exactly expecting a fanfare of trumpets, it would have been nice to see someone. A door was open on the way to Bella's room and she glanced in it as she walked, only to stop short. Alice was in there, smoothing out a newly made bed. In a moment Bella was in the room, looking around and waiting for Alice to notice her.

"Alice, what are you doing in here?" she asked. Alice turned around quickly in surprise, then her face fell void of emotion. She averted her eyes from Bella and crossed her arms.

"I don't feel safe with you anymore. I mean, I'm not safe. And it's not good to be around you. I'm really, really sorry about your neck but that doesn't do any good. So I'm getting my own room. And I'm…breaking up with you."

"What? No, no you can't. Please, Alice, it was just an accident. I know it. You had an attack. It's not your fault."

"Yes it is, Bella!" Alice shouted, stamping her foot on the floor. "It is my fault. They were my handson your neck. I can't do that again. I won't do that again."

Bella's knees were quivering. Esme was at her side but she no longer felt comforted by her presence. "You're ruining a good thing, Alice."

"A good thing? I'd say this is a pretty fucked up thing, Bella. I need to finish unpacking. I won't bother you anymore." Alice shut her eyes tightly, looking to the floor before she turned around and began smoothing out the sheets again. Bella tried to say something else but she found that she couldn't. Esme took her arm and led her out the door. Alice didn't follow like Bella wanted her to. All the way down the hall Esme talked to her about having her own room, that she'd still see Alice and so on. But Bella didn't hear any of it. She was far too busy wondering where to start now.


	22. Chapter 22

Rose is Rose

"Bella, this has to stop. Aren't you bored? This catatonic behavior can't be very much fun for you." The good doctor smiled down at Bella as she lay on the couch. It had been two weeks since her return to the hospital and in that time she had done nothing but the necessities and sleep in her room all day. Only now had she agreed to see Carlisle, though she wasn't sure why. Perhaps she was bored, like he said. She sighed, tracing her hand along the worn leather couch.

"I don't know, Carlisle. I've just been thinking a lot. And thinking doesn't require a lot of anything physically."

"Very true. What have you been thinking about?"

"How the hell I got to be such a douche bag."

"Would you care to…elaborate on that?"

Bella sat up with a great sigh, the neck brace rubbing against her chin. She scratched it angrily, glaring at Carlisle. "You know, I'm really getting sick of this thing," she said as she maneuvered her fingers beneath the brace to scratch the skin. "I'm getting sick of braces and casts and being hurt and being here and dammit if I'm not just sick of everything!" She wrenched the Velcro from the brace and ripped it off of her neck, sighing with relief, even if it did hurt a bit. Carlisle watched the brace fly to the floor and smiled at it softly.

"How do you propose we fix that?"

"Well, first of all, I need to get over Alice. I mean, really, the girl is nuts. And it was stupid of me to get involved with her. I'd like to be her friend but I don't think we can manage anything more. And I want to actually be a part of group."

"That's great, Bella. We'd love to have you. Jasper seems particularly forlorn that you haven't showed up."

"Really?" Bella blushed in spite of herself, smiling as Carlisle nodded.

"Now, that's not to say that you should show up in his room in a towel."

"No, sir, I won't be doing that…ever."

"That's good to hear, Bella."

Bella nodded, somehow proud of herself. She didn't really know why and when she told the doctor this he merely smiled at her. She didn't like that. Because that meant that she was going to have to figure out for herself why she was feeling so proud. She ran her tongue across her lips and gripped at the couch. Her neck began to hurt so she grabbed for the brace and put it back on, tightening the Velcro which made the pain subside. She was feeling good about herself. And it wasn't like the other times where she felt good when she was with someone. This was strictly Bella and strictly her happiness. A happiness that was all hers was new and wonderful feeling. She looked to Carlisle, feigning worry.

"Doc, I think there's something wrong."

"And what's that?"

"I think…I might be happy."

Carlisle gasped, his eyes widening and causing Bella to laugh. Carlisle returned it with a grin and then wrote something down in his notes. "Why are you happy, Bella? What caused this newfound and wonderful revelation?"

"I'm not entirely sure. But I know that this is a new feeling, this kind of happiness. Like, I don't have to share it with someone else. I don't have to compromise it. It's all mine. And I started feeling this way after I talked to Charlie. Oh my god, Carlisle, am I seriously getting better?" Bella's eyes widened and she couldn't contain the grin on her face. Carlisle wrote something else down before he put the notebook down at leaned forward, staring intently at her.

"If you're being serious, Bella, which I think you are, you're on your way to getting better. In fact, you've made leaps of progress. I'm just sorry to say that it had to result from your," he stopped and gestured to his neck. Bella blushed but didn't dwell on it for long as he continued. "But, progress is entirely dependent on you. I mean, if you start acting in the same manner as you did with Edward or Jacob towards Alice or Jasper, you could relapse back to the very beginning. Think of yourself as an addict of sorts."

"And addict to what?"

"Oh, love, a relationship, some kind of stability, no matter how thwarted it is. Anything of that sort. You're addicted to it. You crave it and think you need it for your happiness. But as today shows, you don't need all of that. Try to keep it in mind and you'll be set for life." He smiled and Bella bit her bottom lip eagerly. She imagined how she would look walking out of Westmorland without an escort, loading up her bags and leaving. Alice would be in the front seat of the car, honking the horn and telling her to hurry. The flight to Hawaii wouldn't wait. Bella laughed softly, rolling her eyes, which started to fill with unwanted tears.

"Carlisle, how do I get over Alice?"

"Getting over someone is sadly not a science, Bella. I can only say that there are alternatives other than hurting yourself."

"Yes, sir, I know that now."

"That's good to hear." Carlisle then glanced at the clock behind Bella. "It would appear that dinner is about to be served. Would you like to get something to eat? You can most certainly come back when you're done." Carlisle wasn't kicking her out. She knew this. And it was sweet of him to offer, because she was indeed famished.

"Thanks, Carlisle," she said as she stood. "I think I've had enough therapy for one day. I'm just going to go get full and get a good night's sleep. The American dream, you know?"

"Indeed I do. Sleep well, Bella."

She smiled at him and bounced lightly out the door. She only bounced for a bit, for her neck soon started to hurt from all of the effort. Even through the pain, she felt good. She felt new, and she'd always felt used. As she made a left to head to the mess hall, someone appeared by her side. Bella looked over and saw nothing. That could mean that it was only one person. Lowering her gaze, she fixated upon Alice, and suddenly didn't feel so happy anymore. With Carlisle's words running through her head she tried to remain positive and tried to smile down at the pixie, who returned it with ease.

"You look good with a neck brace," Alice commented lightheartedly. Bella blushed but managed a weak chuckle.

"I don't think anyone looks good with a brace."

"You do," Alice assured her with a single nod. Bella turned to stare straight ahead and could feel Alice's eyes on her. Alice appeared to blush and her eyes darkened as they fell upon the brace again. "You shouldn't be in that thing," she said softly, reaching out to trace the jaw line that appeared just above itchy fabric. Bella inhaled deeply, then remembered Carlisle's words. She was not an addict anymore. She couldn't be controlled like this anymore. Alice felt bad. That was all she was doing was feeling guilty. It had nothing to do with feelings. Alice was over her. Had Alice even really been into her?

Taking a deep breath, Bella took a step to right, increasing the distance between the two girls. Alice's finger fell from her skin and she smiled as she looked over at Bella, realizing her mistake. Bella didn't return the look out of fear of breaking out into a sob. Luckily, when they reached the cafeteria, Alice soon lost interest and darted toward a food line. Bella headed to another food line, deciding on soup and salad for the evening.

As she was pouring her soup, she heard shouting and looked over to the tables. Rosalie was shouting at Emmett and he looked utterly pitiful. Judging by the expressions of everyone else who dined, this appeared to be a normal occurrence but Bella couldn't look away. Rosalie looked so angry and Emmett didn't appear to have a clue as to what was going on. Fed up with him, Rosalie stormed off, shoving her tray onto the floor as she did so. Emmett was up in a moment, following her like a little puppy dog. Bella shook her head at the scene and headed into the dining hall.

Alice was nowhere to be found and with the disappearance of Rosalie and Emmett there was no one else that she recognized to be found. Strike that. Looking over to her right, Bella saw Jasper sitting in a corner, looking down disinterestedly at his food. Well, it wouldn't hurt to just talk to the guy, would it? Giving herself a nod, Bella headed over at took a seat across from him. He looked up at her and they both smiled with relief at the sight of each other.

"It's good to see you again, Bella."

"You too, Jasper. Carlisle may have mentioned you missing me."

Jasper blushed at that, looking like some sort of strange porcelain doll and Bella grinned again. He ran a hand through his curly hair and took a bite of potatoes to buy some time. "If I may clarify," he said after swallowing, "I did miss you. But I consider you a good friend." He emphasized the word 'friend' and while it sort of stung, it wasn't in the way Bella thought it would. It was more like, she felt a little ugly, but nothing more. She looked to Jasper, who appeared to be petrified, like he'd said the wrong thing and she shook her head at him.

"You know, that's actually the best thing you could have said to me. Because I really need to work on my relationships and it wouldn't be a good idea to get into one now." Jasper looked relieved and pointed a fork at her.

"But don't you go thinking that you don't have a lot to offer somebody. My heart's just wasted on unrequited love." His eyes darted for a moment to his left and Bella followed it. Alice was sitting with a group of people she didn't recognize, talking and laughing and hugging on the person next to her. It was certainly a sight and Bella felt it in the pit of her stomach as well as her heart.

"You shouldn't give up so easily, Jasper," she mentioned, eager to semi-change the subject. "You're a great guy with a lot to offer. I mean, any girl would be lucky to have you."

"Any girl, huh? Well, too bad the one that has me smitten doesn't go for guys."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't let that determine the rest of your life. Alice doesn't determine your happiness, you do." Jasper's eyes lost their shine then, and he went to staring at his food. Bella worked on her salad, all the while staring at the man across from her. He was stirring his mashed potatoes absently, keeping his gaze intent on them. When she'd finished her salad and half of her soup, Bella stood, realizing that she'd said something wrong. But she didn't think she'd said anything wrong. Maybe it had something to do with his PTSD. She looked at him one final time before exiting the cafeteria and noticed that he had lifted his head and was staring straight ahead. His brow was furrowed and he brought his clasped hands up to cover his mouth. Bella couldn't help but smile at him and walked out of the cafeteria.

Feeling full and rather warm from the soup, Bella paused in the hallway to yawn and look out the window. The sun was just setting and it casted a nice hue over everything. In fact, if you looked hard enough, you could ignore the iron bars over the window. Bella laughed softly at that and continued down the hall, noticing that someone was a few doors down, resting against the wall. Judging by his behemoth size it had to be Emmett. He looked forlorn and after a fight with Rosalie Bella was impressed that he wasn't trying to throw himself out a window. He was sitting against the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms lying lazily across his knees. His head was down and his back heaved slowly up and down. He looked up at her and it was only then that Bella realized that she had walked all the way to him.

She blushed, but smiled at him and he halfway returned it before looking to the door to his right and lowering his head again. Bella sat down across from him, feeling that it would be rude or too obvious to leave now. It was quiet for a few minutes as Emmett ignored her and Bella sighed, leaning her head against the wall. "Is Rosalie in there?" she whispered, for fear of the woman inside hearing her. Emmett looked up and nodded.

"She's been in there for over an hour. Every now and then I put my ear to the door to make sure I can still hear her breathing. I think she's asleep."

"Why are you out here, Emmett?"

"I don't like to be alone." Emmett looked down again and Bella could have sworn that she saw a tear drop.

"Surely Rosalie would let you in."

"Yeah, she would. She tried to get me to come in for a long time before getting fed up with me like she does. I mean, who wouldn't? I'm so fucking annoying."

Bella's brow furrowed as she reviewed his words in her mind. "Wait, why didn't you go in?"

Emmett shrugged, pulling up the sleeves of his shirt. Bella saw that his rippled arms were lined with white, lumpy scars. They caught in the setting sun and looked to glow on him. Bella couldn't imagine living with scars like that. Maybe that was why he was in here. He sighed sadly and wiped his nose, then looked to Bella again. "I don't trust myself when I'm in my sad moods or angry moods. Rosalie does and she tries to stay with me when I'm in them but…. I just don't want her to wake up and see me hanging from the bed sheets, you know? And what if I was in one of my mad moods and, I don't know, hit her or something. Oh god, what if I hit her? Or worse?" Emmett buried his face in his arms and Bella heard the sounds of his quiet sobbing. A part of her wanted to leave but the majority of her wanted to stay and comfort this poor guy who was sobbing over what would probably never happen.

"You're a good guy, Emmett. And if Rosalie doesn't see that then she doesn't deserve you."

Emmett's head shot up at that. He looked angry for a moment, then gave a depressing smile. "I'll go easy on you since you don't really know the mechanics of our relationship. But Rosalie deserves so much better than me." Bella furrowed her brow in confusion again and Emmett lifted his arms, showing off the scars. "When I was twelve or so, I was living in Tennessee. My parents abandoned me in the woods. I was there for three days when I came across this big bear." He flashed his arms again and gave a strange smile that Bella didn't like. "Tore me up good, the bear did. I was lucky that the reason it was so pissed was because of the hunters on his tail. I just barely survived. But what good did it do? I'm an ugly, scarred fuck up. Rosalie deserves so much more."

"But…Rosalie, at least to me, seems so self absorbed. How do you, like, know…?"

"Rosalie loves Rosalie. There's no doubt about that. But, there are times that when you get close enough to her, she'll let you in. And it's all in the subtleties. When she wants me to come in when I'm sad, it's because she doesn't want me to kill myself. And she tries to provoke me in my angry state. I hate that. Hate that." He grimaced. "But she does it to, like, train me. To keep me from losing my cool. Can you imagine that she wanted to do that with Jacob?" Emmett growled a little at the mentioning of his name and Bella felt the contents of her stomach sour for a moment. "Runs with Faggots would have killed her. I mean, he wouldn't have because I would have killed him first but still…" He drifted, still fuming and Bella reached out to pet his arm. Despite the lumps, it was rather soft and he grinned at it.

"Jacob's gone, and I think everyone's happy about that. We should work on letting it go."

Emmett nodded, then turned and put his ear to the door, motioning for Bella to be silent. She was and after a few moments he smiled and sat back down. "She's asleep. She looks so beautiful when she sleeps."

"She looks beautiful all of the time." Bella blushed at her words and Emmett flashed her a knowing look.

"That's very true. But she doesn't have that angered crease in her brow when she sleeps. She's un-angry, unharmed Rosalie. Pure and beautiful like she should be." He grimaced and Bella watched his fist form into a ball. For a moment she thought he had switched into his angry phase but he then relaxed and just looked more depressed.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not supposed to say. I'm not supposed to tell anyone except for Carlisle in private, if I feel the need." He recited it perfectly, just as Rosalie had instructed him to, Bella presumed. It only piqued her interest but Bella didn't want to push the biggest guy in the ward with the bitchiest girlfriend so she simply nodded, preparing to stand.

"But," Emmett started, causing her to hitch, "I think it'd be good to tell you. Because you can relate more than anyone else here." Bella nodded openly and sat back down, waiting patiently for him to continue. Emmett put his ear to the door again before giving a satisfied nod and looked to Bella.

"You know what happened with you and Jacob? That day that he got arrested?" Bella nodded and Emmett waivered his hand to her, making the connection. In spite of herself, Bella gasped. Emmett nodded, growing angry again. "Only unlike Jacob, the bastard succeeded in getting. Man, if I ever got a hold of him." Emmett began to shake with rage and Bella back further into the wall. Emmett noticed this and took deep breaths, calming himself back down. When he had stopped shaking he nodded again.

"That's why she helped you out of there. She was the one who found Jasper, because he was closest. She'll say it was to make her the hero, and it partly was. But the other part is that she didn't want you to end up like her." He smiled softly, throwing his eyes to the ceiling. "Rosalie's just Rosalie like that."

"Very true. I'll have to thank her sometime."

"Yeah, that's what she needs: an ego boost."

The both of them laughed quietly at that and Bella looked to the door that Rosalie was behind. In truth, she probably wouldn't make an effort to thank Rosalie. Like Emmett had said, it would send the wrong message to her. So instead, Bella stood and headed for the door. She placed her hand on the door knob and looked to Emmett who nodded but motioned for her to be quiet. She pursed her lips and rose up on her tiptoes as she stepped in.

As predicted, Rosalie was sleeping in her bed. It was still just barely light outside and it casted her in a wonderful gray glow. Bella eased over to her and looked down. Rosalie had always been beautiful, but now, peaceful, she was radiant. Emmett was right. It was like seeing Rosalie in an entirely new light. And in a way, Bella supposed that she was. Her face was soft and looked warm to the touch. Her lips pouted just slightly in sleep and were just barely opened. The palm that rested beside her cheek held sculpted fingers that looked fake they were so perfect. Emmett's words poured through her mind and her eyes watered at the idea of what this beauty had been through. Leaning down, Bella prayed for her to get better, then placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Thank you," she just barely whispered as she pulled away. Rosalie made no response and Bella smiled, turning to Emmett and flashing him the same smile before tiptoeing toward the door. As she was leaving, Emmett turned to look at Rosalie, and jumped when he noticed that she was staring at him. He looked to Bella, then back to her and saw that she had placed her finger over her lips, shaking her head. He nodded and she returned it once before glancing at Bella, giving a soft smile, and turning over to head back to sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

Hinder

It had been about a month since Bella's encounter with Rosalie and during that time, neither of them had mentioned it to each other. Bella didn't expect Rosalie to act differently after, because the girl had been asleep, but for some reason she thought that something between them would change. It didn't. And the more Bella thought about it, the more she decided she liked it that way.

Jasper had caught up with her a few weeks ago and was positively beaming. Bella smiled at herself as she remembered the conversation that took place between the two of them. She distinctly remembered Carlisle telling her to leave the diagnosing to him but she couldn't seem to be able to reign herself in. However, in this case, one could say that her diagnosing actually resulted in something good for the first time.

"Bella!" he called from behind her. She turned and saw Jasper running up to her. This was the first time he'd so much as looked at her since the incident at dinner where she appeared to have set him off on something. At first she was worried as to what he wanted but the large grin on his face suggested to her that she shouldn't be worried. He slowed as he reached her and gave her an apologetic smile as he caught his breath.

"Thanks for stopping," he said finally, straightening his posture.

"Thanks for calling," she replied, watching as he flashed her a playful wink.

"I just wanted to clear some things up between us, Bella. I'm, um, sorry about my behavior in the cafeteria a few days ago. The…well, the disorder kicked in. And I think our talk triggered it but it was good. I kind of needed it."

Bella nodded at him and noticed that he blushed a bit before continuing.

"Anyway, I thought about what you said and then decided to talk to Carlisle about it. And together, all three of us, cure me, I think. At least on the Alice matter. It was like a revelation. I didn't need to be aching so much over this girl. She was just a girl, right?"

"Right."

"Right. But even still after that I had to make sure. So, the other night I found myself knocking on Alice's door. She answered it and allowed me in and I told her about everything that I was feeling and didn't want to feel anymore and such. And Alice listened to me, really listened to me. After I was finished pouring my heart out to her, she…well, she gave me a kiss." He blushed again and Bella found herself smiling despite the fact that her insides were screaming for more detail and threatening to make her vomit. She wasn't over Alice by a long shot, but she was trying to deal with being without her. Even the mentioning of her stung a bit and for a moment she wondered if Jasper was progressing more than she was in terms of the short little schizo.

"She kissed me," Jasper whispered again, running a hand through his curled hair. "I mean, it was chaste, you know? It was a friend kiss. But I still felt her on my lips like I'd always imagined and while it felt good and I wanted more, when she basically rejected me afterwards I was fine! I mean, it hurt, you know, because it always hurts but I didn't feel that sense of dread. I think it was the first time that I remember that I didn't have a sense of dread. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I definitely do, Jasper. I think everyone in here knows what you mean."

He chuckled and reached out to grasp her shoulder. "I just really wanted to thank you, Bella. Alice was hindering my recovery. I think she was hindering yours too. And that's what I've been thinking about. Alice hinders. It's just what she does. I noticed that you'd left her and you seem to be getting better. And I've dismissed her and I feel for the first time in months that I'm making progress. Carlisle seems to be thinking so too. So…thank you." He reached out and hugged her and Bella couldn't help but smile as she returned it. Things were starting to look up for everyone it seemed.

Bella didn't know if it was the departing of Jacob, or if it was just the new outlook she had on life but to her, things seemed to be looking up. Everyone was talking and engaging in group and people seemed happy. Even the crease in Rosalie's brow looked to not be as stressed. Or hell, maybe she was just happy. Bella laughed at herself as she rested on her bed in her room. She couldn't imagine that she had forgotten how to just be happy. But here it was, happening right now as she lived and breathed. It was a strange, beautiful feeling and she vowed that she would never lose it like she had before.

Not only that, but Bella was starting to see her life beyond the walls of Westmorland. Her dad had come to visit on Visitor's Day like he'd promised and he told her that whenever she got out of here, he'd have a job waiting for her at the station until she could get her life back in order. Bella imagined herself sitting at a desk, typing up files only to leave work, get in her very own car, and drive home to relax at her very own apartment. It was so enticing. A real life. A real functional life. It was almost like a wet dream to her now it was so enticing. But, unlike most wet dreams, this was possible. Things were possible. In spite of herself, Bella laughed out loud. Sure, she knew that even real, mentally healthy life held its problems but she wanted to be able to tackle them without hurting herself. At least, she wanted to try.

She wanted to try.

A knock on the door woke Bella from her thoughts and she shot up, her head going dizzy for a moment. When she regained her steady self, Bella rose from the bed and headed over to the door and pulled it open. Alice was standing on the other side of the door.

It was the first time since the day they walked to dinner that either of them had made an effort with each other. Bella felt floored as she stared at her. She was so gorgeous, even though she looked like she was lacking in sleep. Her lips parted into a smile and Bella resisted the urge to cry. "Hello, Bella," she said softly and merely by the tone of her voice, Bella could tell that she was fully conscious of herself. That had to amount to something, didn't it? Alice made a strange expression and Bella realized that it was her turn to say something.

"Oh, hi, Alice," she returned.

"May I come in?"

Bella didn't respond but merely pulled the door open and allowed the smaller girl to step through. She walked past Bella to where her back was turned to her and Bella thought she heard a sharp intake of breath. She watched as Alice's back rose up and down with large breaths. More than anything else she wanted to rush forward and embrace her, but she found that she couldn't. There was so much between them now, she couldn't allow herself to make the next move. Luckily, Alice didn't make her suffer for too long as she turned around.

Bella gasped as she did. For Alice was now sobbing, when only moments ago she'd been fine. Her eyes were shining and red and her cheeks had grown splotchy. Bella noticed that she was fiddling terribly with her hands and she wanted nothing more than to hold them, hold her, and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But Alice spoke, breaking her thoughts.

"Do I hinder your recovery?" she asked, her words wavering as she struggled with her composure. Bella felt her cheeks go red as she remembered the conversation she and Jasper had shared. She didn't remember Alice being there, but then again she wasn't looking for her either. Right then, it was just her and Jasper. Alice gave a quiet sob and Bella found her eyes again.

"Tell me, Bella. Do I hinder your recovery?"

"I…I…uh," Bella found herself at a loss for words. She honestly didn't know the answer. Did Alice hinder her recovery, or was she merely something to place the blame on? Alice's eyes were pouring into her own and she didn't like it. She didn't like Alice looking like this, feeling like this. But she didn't know what to do. Alice pursed her lips together and shook her head, turning back around.

"I never meant to. I didn't think that's what I was doing. I was just…I was just trying to be happy," she said slowly, heading over to Bella's window and peering out. "I mean, is that too much to ask, trying to be happy in a place like this?"

"No," Bella answered honestly, taking a step towards her.

"But you and Jasper were standing there, completely oblivious to me, talking to me like I was just this…this horrible person! And I know that you didn't know that I was there but that makes it all the more truthful." She placed her hand to the window as she looked out onto the lawn. All was silent for a moment before Bella heard her melancholy laugh.

"You see this in movies all of the time: the people staring longingly out the window, placing their hand on it to try and be near what they want. And when you watch the movie you're like 'just go out and get it.' God, to be that ignorant again..." She attempted to claw at the window but her nails made not a sound against it and she started to cry again. Bella looked down at her hands, understanding Alice more than she wished she did. Alice cried for a few minutes and Bella listened to the sounds, remembering them all too well. Remembering Alice all too well. Finally, Bella heard her sniff and her back straightened. She turned around and while it was evident that she was still on the verge of fresh tears, she was composed.

"I want you to get better, Bella. More than anything I want you to get better. And I want Jasper to get better and Rosalie and Emmett and even Jacob. I want all of you to get better and go out and live your lives like you intended." She gave a soft smile but it fell shortly and she looked down at her hands again.

"I just…don't want to be left alone."

Her bottom lip quivered upon her admission and Bella suddenly found it within herself to step forward and embrace her. Alice shivered in her arms and Bella could feel her shirt dampen where her tears fell. Bella held her tightly, making sure that Alice knew that she was there for her. Alice clawed at her desperately, longing for her to be closer and she buried her head in Bella's chest, matching her breathing with Bella's in an attempt to calm herself down. When she was silent enough to where Bella felt that she could hear her, the taller girl whispered, "You don't have to be alone, Alice."

Alice pulled away and looked at her. She flashed that same sad smile and nodded her head. "Yes, I do, Bella. I'm never going to get better. This is my home. It's all I know."

"But there's a life waiting for you out there."

"But it's not my life, Bella. This, this is my life!" She pointed to her head and made a spiral with her finger. Bella shook her head, grimacing at the shorter girl.

"Alice, there's more to life than this! And yeah, it may be new to you but I swear it's better than in here. You have choices out there, Alice. You'll have people out there. You're loveable. I guarantee you'll make friends and have a great job and everything."

"You know how on the news they'll sometimes report a guy trying to bust out of jail a few days before he's going to be released? Because it's all he knows and he likes it and he knows for a fact that being in jail is better than being out there." Alice's eyes had glazed over and Bella could tell that she was no longer listening. She too began to cry and she shook Alice's shoulders, hoping the girl would look at her. After a bit, her eyes returned to normal and she looked lazily at Bella.

"Alice, I…we could have a life beyond this. I've got a job lined up when we get out of here and I can show you how to live normally. Please, stop hindering yourself." Alice smiled at her genuinely but then scoffed, shaking her head.

"Oh, Bella, do you even know how to live normally?"

"Yes…I did for awhile. And I want nothing more than to live normally again…with you."

Alice sighed, wiping her eyes. She placed the both of her hands on Bella's shoulders and leaned up to kiss her softly on the lips. She pulled away with her eyes still closed and smiled as she opened them. "I'm going to miss you, Bella, dreadfully. You're going to get better, go off and live happily in your outside world. And I'll love you all the while." Bella started to cry again and Alice placed her hand on her cheek, sliding it off and she walked past her and out the door. It shut softly behind her and Bella grabbed a tissue from her desk, wiping her eyes. She should have seen that coming. She should have known better. But was it so wrong to hope?

There was another knock at the door and Bella was pleasantly surprised that it opened by itself. "Bella?" Esme's soft voice trailed from behind her. "Are you busy? Carlisle has great news that he'd like to tell you." Bella smiled at herself and wiped her eyes once more. She turned around and saw Esme's questioning expression.

"Sorry, Esme, I was just thinking and crying like girls do. But no, I'm not busy." She gave the nurse a grand smile and Esme returned it, seemingly convinced and walked with Bella out the door to Carlisle's office.


	24. Chapter 24

Home

Bella sniffled, the sounds of her crying echoing through the halls. She wiped her eyes and Esme smiled at her, offering her a tissue, which the girl took. By the time they'd reached Carlisle's office her eyes had dried and the nurse gently pushed on her back, pushing her into the room. Esme didn't follow when Bella stepped in and instead she shut the door behind her. Bella noticed the doctor inside at his desk and he looked up and smiled at her as she threw her tissue in the trashcan.

"Bella, how are you doing today?" he asked as he stood and strode over, taking his hand in hers and holding it. Bella grinned and shook her head lightly.

"I'm doing well, thanks. Really well," she answered. It was such a joy to be able to say things like that and mean it. And Carlisle must have understood that as well for his grin broadened and he motioned for the girl to sit down.

"Yes, everyone around here can certainly tell. I can't tell you how proud of you I am." Bella felt herself blushing and mumbled some sort of response. Carlisle chuckled at her response and then leaned forward in his chair. "So, I'm glad you agreed to see me today, Bella, because I've got some good news."

"What is it?"

"You have been given a clean bill of health."

Bella tilted her head to the side a bit, furrowing her brow. Surely she misheard something. "Come again, Carlisle?"

"You're healthy. We're discharging you from Westmoreland as we speak."

"I'm…healthy," Bella said slowly. The words were foreign on her tongue and she didn't quite believe them. Sure, she'd been getting better. She knew this. But healthy…healthy seemed so…

Wonderful.

Bella felt herself breaking out into a grin as she stood, along with the doctor, and embraced him. He hugged her tightly, patting her shoulder like her father used to. Tears were in her eyes again but Bella thought it best to let them fall this time. She was healthy. She was going home. Pulling away from Carlisle, Bella wiped her eyes and looked up at him. "If I can ask, what was wrong with me?"

"Nothing was wrong with you, Bella. A small bout of temporary depression brought on by unhealthy living styles. Change the living style, change the Bella. And I think it was a change for the best." He smiled again and pushed her hair behind her shoulders in another fatherly manner. "Now, we've already informed your father and he's on his way to pick you up. He sounded positively overjoyed. If you'd like to go pack, we'll round up the rest of the ward to say their goodbyes to you."

"Thank you, Carlisle, for everything," Bella said softly, watching the doctor smile and noticing the wrinkles that formed around his kind eyes. He nodded to her and she proceeded out the door. Once she shut it behind her, Esme was waiting for her. Bella saw tears in her eyes as well as they embraced.

"I'm so proud of you," Esme whispered into her ear as she held her tightly. Bella laughed softly and buried her head in her shoulder. Esme was too happy, annoying, always there and wasn't afraid to backtalk Bella. She was the mother that Bella wished she'd had. "Come and visit if you want to," she said as she pulled away. "Just make sure that it's only a visit."

"I promise. Thank you, Esme." The hugged once more and Esme wiped her eyes before heading in to see the doctor. Bella watched her go and smiled to herself, turning around and making her way down the empty hallway where she would pack her bags and head home.

Home.

No one met her in the hall and in a way she was grateful for that. She would rather Carlisle or Esme tell them the news instead herself. She folded her clothes and placed them slowly in her suitcase, her actions growing slower with every article. She wanted to go home. She really did. But this…this had been her home. And she was leaving it. Perhaps this was what leaving for college felt like, scary as hell but wonderful. Shrugging it off, Bella headed back to her drawers and dug around to make sure she hadn't missed anything. As she ran her hand inside the second drawer, she caught a piece of fabric. Bella lifted it out lazily and studied the article. After a moment, a tiny grin broke out on her face.

A pair of hot pink running shorts

Bella wasn't sure if they'd been left here purposely or on accident by Alice but she was going to pack them anyway. At least she could have something to remember Alice by. After filling a box up with all of her knickknacks, Bella zipped her suitcase shut and looked around the room. It was empty…really empty. She sighed to herself and placed the box under her arm, grabbing her suitcase with the other hand and opened the door. No one was out there to greet her and for a moment Bella wondered if she was supposed to head somewhere else. Then Esme appeared from a hallway and motioned Bella towards her. "Come on, honey, we're all waiting and anxious to see you," she said, still crying just a bit.

"Do you always cry when your patients leave?"

"Yes, some more than others." She smiled and gave Bella a slight nudge and Bella laughed as they turned the hall.

Immediately her surroundings broke into applause. Bella looked around to find Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and Alice standing on either side of the hallway. Every single one of them was clapping, even Rosalie, though her claps were louder than everyone else. For attention, Bella assumed. Jasper came forward first and gave Bella a hug, swaying her from side to side a bit. He whispered into her ear his last name and asked her to promise to stay in touch. It was an easy promise to make and when they released there were tears in her eyes. Emmett was next and he swooped her up in a grand hug, swinging her around.

Rosalie, faking a sob, came forward then and embraced Bella. She pulled away and wiped her eyes dramatically, then smiled. "I know you'll miss me," she said with a quivering voice.

"Yes, I will. Very much," Bella answered, very surprised that she was speaking the truth. Rosalie gave a knowing nod and stepped back, where Emmett was waiting to console her. Bella smiled at them and then turned to face Alice. She too smiled at Bella knowingly and embraced her. Bella felt her soft hair against her cheek and squeezed her as tightly as she could without hurting the poor girl.

"I told you you'd get better," Alice laughed into her ear before she pulled away. "If you ever want to visit…I'll be happy to see you."

"You will get out of here, Alice. And when you do, I expect you to come and visit me."

Alice opened her mouth to protest, but decided that it wasn't worth it and instead hugged her once more. "Go on…start living," she said with a large smile. Bella nodded sadly and felt Esme's hand on her shoulder, leading her further down the hall and out the door. The walk to the recreation house seemed to take forever and Bella was silent as she went. Esme must have sensed something for she didn't pressure Bella to talk or do anything but keep moving. When they finally made it to the recreation house and opened the door, Bella could see her father waiting at the end of the entry way.

The box in Bella's hands fell to the floor as she rushed to her father and met him in the middle. Bella felt him shudder against her as she was now not the only one sobbing. Bella smiled against his shirt, smelling that familiar but unknown aftershave that he always wore. She didn't know she would miss it so much but she ignored it as she hugged him tighter. "Bells, you're better. You're coming home."

It was as if her father didn't really believe it either. She couldn't blame him, but she really hoped that this wasn't a dream. When he let her go, Esme was standing beside them, holding Bella's box and suitcase. Charlie took them both from her and also hugged Esme before she led them to an office. After signing a few papers Esme, with tears in her eyes again, told Bella that she was free to go. Bella hugged her one last time, promising to visit and visit only and followed her father out the door where his car was waiting. Charlie placed her stuff in the trunk as she climbed in. He soon followed her and started the car. Bella dared one last glance at Westmoreland as he pulled away and from the corner of her eye, she saw something.

A tiny figure was bolting from the recreation house and down the steps. Her father hadn't noticed so he kept driving and Bella couldn't find the words to make him stop the car. Two orderlies were chasing after her as she ran into the middle of the street. She chased after Bella's car at lightning speed and for a moment Bella thought that she would reach it. But it was then that her father reached the end of the driveway and accelerated the car. Alice stopped then and Bella could see her teeth shining in the sun. She lifted her tiny arm and waved grandly before an orderly grabbed her and pulled her away.

It was then that Bella knew she would never see Alice again.

"Bells, what's the matter? Are you okay?" Charlie asked, looking over at his newly sobbing daughter. Bella nodded and tried to wipe her eyes, only to find that she was still crying.

"Yeah, dad, I'm just so happy," she answered. Her father smiled and patted her knee as he continued down the road. And while Bella hadn't lied; she was happy, it was only half right.

"Cry all you want, Bella. I know I have. And in just a few minutes we'll be home."

"Sounds great, dad," Bella answered.

And it did.


	25. Chapter 25

Epilogue

Bella never would have thought that she would make it an entire year without Westmoreland. But she had. The job her father had found turned out to be wonderful and provided enough income for her to get an apartment of her own. She managed to finish her GED and officially earned her high school diploma. College really wasn't in the cards for her but that was okay. She was perfectly happy where she was.

She and her father had really mended and every Wednesday night he would come over or she would and they would have dinner together. It was beautiful. They were both healing in their own way. Even though she had promised, Bella did not return to Westmoreland even to visit. In some ways she was scared to. In other ways, she didn't want to revert back to who she was. She didn't want to be reminded of who she was. Jasper had been released a few months after Bella and they had caught up for lunch one day. He spoke nothing but praise towards her and she couldn't believe how good he looked. They exchanged numbers and vowed to keep seeing each other. So far, it had been working out great. Jasper had found himself a girlfriend, one that made him happy and Bella couldn't be happier for them both.

In a way that she couldn't remember, Bella somehow found out about Jacob's release. He proceeded from the institution to prison after an attempted rape and she shook her head as she thought about it.

And then of course, there was Edward.

Bella sighed. Poor Edward. While she may have hated him towards the end, there was something about him in the beginning that could have been love. She'd read about his suicide in the paper. A single shot to the head, no suicide note or anything to indicate he was suicidal. Yeah right, but Bella couldn't find herself to care that much. Edward's death only reminded her of just how special her life was.

Rosalie and Emmett's whereabouts were unknown. For all Bella knew they might still be at Westmoreland. Lord knew Rosalie appeared to be untreatable. But who knew.

Alice

Bella felt tears in her eyes again. She'd been crying a lot lately. Oh Alice. What couldn't Bella say about the poor girl? It was certainly a shame, all of it. But Bella never once regretted being with her. In her newly improved mental state, Bella knew that Alice played a hand in her recovery. She didn't hinder it like Jasper had suggested. She had made Bella realize so many things. She'd have to thank her for that someday.

Perhaps she would get to as the car turned and led her back towards Westmoreland. Bella didn't want to go back, but these things couldn't be disputed. Sometimes fate was cruel and Bella had learned to accept that. A certain feeling of unease filled her as she started up the long driveway towards the institution and she remembered all too vividly her first trip up here. Scars on her wrists and nothing but dejection in her poor heart. It was certainly a time she would like to forget.

The car pulled to a stop in front of the hospital and Bella climbed out, running to embrace Esme, who was waiting for her. "Bella! How come you never visited?" she asked as she squeezed the brunette.

"I just…couldn't."

"I understand."

"But I'm visiting now."

"Yes, yes you are."

Bella smiled and let her go, finding that Carlisle was now heading down the steps. They also embraced and Carlisle shook his head as they pulled away. "I never thought I'd see you back here again, Bella," he said almost sadly. Bella nodded.

"I know what you mean."

There was an awkward silence and the door to the recreation house opened again. Bella looked past the doctor and then ran past him, running up the steps. Alice was also making her way towards her and like Bella had with her father, they embraced in the middle. Bella picked her up and swung her around as Alice held her tightly and squealed. When she finally put her on the ground, Alice rose up on her toes and kissed Bella. "I told you you'd get better," Bella whispered to her, grabbing both of her hands.

"Yes, you did. I just didn't believe it."

"Well, I hope that now you do."

Alice answered by embracing her again and after tearful goodbyes to Esme and Carlisle, they were both in the car and heading away from Westmoreland. Alice watched the institution disappear and when it was finally out of sight, she sighed and faced the front, seeking out Bella's hand. "I'm sad to see it go," she murmured. Bella squeezed her hand and Alice's face lit up again. "But I'm happy that I'm with you."

"I'm happy that you're with me too."

Alice sighed happily and looked out the window as a small town came into view. "So, this is what normalcy looks like?"

"Alice, nothing is ever normal. Especially with you. I wouldn't have that any other way. But this is what living looks like."

"I'm so excited that I'm going to have my own bathroom," Alice commented, looking out the window.

Bella laughed, then shot a glance at the pixie. "You might have to share it with me from time to time."

Alice's eyes met hers and she smiled, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. "You know, I could probably handle that."

"Sounds perfect."

And for now, it was.


End file.
